bereavement

Kindness and time

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My own mentor and amazing mother always used to say the best gift we can give is our time. As we approach the Christmas period we should be mindful of those that live alone or maybe have lost a loved one with year. The first Christmas may be the hardest the family will have to face.  I have always maintained that Christmas time can place huge pressures on people to be happy when actually they may be feeling sad for many reasons.

What we can all do is to make an effort to give our time when we can spare it and of course show a bit of kindness to those that would really appreciate the sentiment perhaps more so this year.

Speaking this week with a close friend we were both in agreement that those who are bereft need our consideration long after the funeral week…but perhaps we are all guilty of forgetting that at times.

Remember life goes by quickly but kindness on the other hand lasts for ever.

If you are feeling the pain of those who are missing try and remember the happy times you shared or a funny experience and keep their memory alive in a positive way as best you can.

 

Cyber bullying

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Glad to See Prince William discussing and supporting the modern day problem of cyber bullying. As I have written many times before school time bullying was just at school now its 24/7 and its effect can bring heartbreaking outcomes for families as victims feeling desperate sometimes take their own life.

Online bullying seemingly has no escape and it is so personal. Sadly we have a generation of people who post first think after…or not thinking at all. Parents, teachers need to remind all users of the ramifications of their actions.

Please read my article on Innovate My school’s website

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

What’s under the surface?

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A lot of my friends and colleagues have ventured into pastoral type roles the past few years and recognise the importance of the support they give more often than not as a vocation to our struggling teens.

Modern life is a stressful path for our students aside of the stress of exams they have a lot of what many may see as self-imposed pressure via modern media. However, the emotional pain runs deep for many who suffer with various forms of peer pressure, cyber bullying and body conscious issues.

I am reminded today how we cannot always notice the signs as it is difficult to help somebody who is doing everything they can to hide their feelings. The following simple example explains a lot!

Think of a flower and its roots: The flower is things you can see happening  – what people say and do.  The roots are things you can’t see  – what people feel and think!

Delve deeper, ask the questions and give your children the platform to share they are our most precious gift.

To those in education holding the purse strings invest in our youth they are the future! We need more funding in pastoral departments not staff cutbacks.

Love and protect the elderly

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Now I know the world has gone completely mad. I am not one to shy away from technology and as my amazing mother used to say ‘don’t be beaten by man nor machine.‘ But, seriously, my lovely fellow bloggers and followers  do we really want robots looking after our elderly?

I work with clients with dementia and their families with some friends contemplating and facing putting their parents into nursing homes for various health reasons. The idea that they will be put in a room with a robot is crazy if not cruel.

Having visited various nursing homes what the residents need is the personal touch and social interaction to keep their spirits up and help fight loneliness. It is a huge and difficult period of adjustment when somebody leaves their family home to move into a nursing home. I’m sorry but a robot cannot monitor the wellbeing of humans.

These private nursing homes are making a fortune with many paying staff low wages and expecting a lot of the entertainment and other facilities to be met by volunteers. The idea they will save money by investing in robots just shows the mentality of what we are dealing with. It’s obvious a real case of business not personal care!

Many people approaching the age/stage of life to end up in a nursing home will be like me and think of robots as the cybermen from Dr Who or the classic series The Avengers of the 60’s and that is neither funny nor a entertaining thought.

Why can’t we be like other countries who value, respect and provide proper care for the elderly? The generation, in many cases who have fought for their country giving a huge chunk of their early lives in the process. What a great thank you…I am spitting feathers today I kid you not.

 

Dementia support

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For those relatives and carers dealing with loved ones diagnosed with Dementia there is help and support available. Sadly local doctors surgeries cannot possibly display material for every illness condition and there are different kinds of dementia and everyone’s dementia is different too.

The Alzheimer’s Society have a great selection of leaflets which will help you deal with all aspects of change you are having to face and the quality of the content of their publications is excellent. Their leaflets are free to download or receive in hard copy format. Please visit their website http://www.alzheimers.org.uk

**Ebooks are also available visit: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/ebooks

 

Change is good

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We all struggle at times with change but change is not all bad or is it? Yesterday I was tempted, like many little girls…at the checkout to buy a toffee apple. But…toffee apples are a different colour than from my day when the toffee was brown and made by the local green grocer -now it is a hysterical red colour??? Too many additives me thinks and, so did the lady similar age to me at said checkout.

OK what do we do in these circumstances when we want to be healthy? I went for the chocolate covered apple instead…of course. I really enjoyed this after an afternoon of bereavement befriending. The apple in side was pretty darn good too.

We have to live and we have to embrace change though sadly in life the decisions are more difficult than deciding on what naughty treat to eat.

Have a good day fellow bloggers, followers and toffee apple eaters!

Breast Cancer Awareness

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My regular and lovely followers know that I like to help charities and causes with awareness and October as we know is breast awareness month. Today is, I am told,  ‘wear it pink‘ day for the Breast Cancer Now charity. I hear and I obey and I am suitably attired in pink.

For my own family we are very ‘aware’ of breast cancer having lost my maternal Nan and Aunt to this particular cancer and had my own scares. I will say however, that for all of us, every week, month should and must be breast cancer aware and regular examination is crucial – as with many types of cancer the earlier we discover anything untoward the better chance we have of maybe beating the odds.

For anyone caring for a loved one with any type of cancer ensure you get any support that is available for both your loved one and yourself.

Make the most of everyday and make it count.

Distraction techniques

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Throughout life most of us at one time or another will be in a position with either those we love and/or those we work with are in need of a positive distraction.

Even the most positive of souls can feel flat and I count myself in that category. At times we may be missing people, those who are no longer with us and even those who may have just moved away perhaps to university, or because of a job or home relocation.

Today would have been my own mentor’s birthday so I send out a happy birthday wish mum out into the universe. I will distract myself with work and meeting up with positive colleagues.

Working with dementia clients they too have their days when they feel ‘out of sorts’ and there are many ways in which we  can help either as counsellors or family members to help focus them on something they either enjoy or at least can be a positive interaction activity.

Similarly, distraction techniques work well with children, I know my mother practised this parenting skill with us as children. I utilised this myself recently when helping a family with small children –one is always mindful that when parents leave the house the children need to feel, happy safe and of course engaged.  A simple game of cards including all children soon brought an opportunity to engage, have fun and for me to get to know the children’s individual characters. (If I am honest working with younger children this week helped me with my own feelings relating to empty nest!)

As with adults, children will become sad at times…using being bored as an excuse when really what they crave it not just your loving attention but engagement.

Keeping occupied helps prevents those flat moments from taking over…and finally of course, laughter the best therapy of all.

Keep smiling fellow bloggers and followers.