Dementia

Memories

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A lot of my coaching work with my dementia clients and their families is obviously based around memory and sharing positive memories.

Smooth radio were doing their top 500 songs at the weekend; as Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen’ bellowed out of the radio I remembered that very hot summer of 1976, age 18 driving around Devon with my first boyfriend in his mum’s white mini. He later died a very young age of cancer.

Everybody has a story to tell and as I was discussing this weekend music often is the background to our lives and hearing a piece of music we can remember when and where we heard it. This can of course make us feel melancholy if the music brings back sad memories but what we don’t always appreciate is that sometimes that pain needs to come to the surface and letting go of our emotions is a positive thing.

I heard somebody say recently that ‘memories are the scripts of our soul’ as Aristotle famously quoted and believed.  As such our pain and joy associated with those memories must be equally embraced.

For anyone feeling sad about a loved one they have lost try and balance it out by remembering something really funny they did as they would want you to go on living and laughing.

I will end today’s blog remembering my amazing Mother leaving the room, dancing as she did, singing ‘Bring me sunshine’ and of course she did.

 

 

Accepting change and loss

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I boldy write and say on a regular basis that for stroke survivors and carers of people with dementia challenges that loss of use of limbs, speech or memory can be like a mini-bereavement and not to be taken lightly. This applies not only to the patient/client/sufferer but to family members,friends and carers who have to come to terms with the reality that part of the person they knew and loved may be lost, sometimes temporarily and sometimes it is a gradually process and permanent.

When supporting people through the bereavement process I often remind them that perhaps the cancer or heart problems which may have led to the loss of a family member or friend is not who they were…that is what they had. Similarly accepting the challenges a stroke survivor has to live with will help them tremendously.

For the bereaved; to help the grieving process focusing on the good memories and the achievements and life the person led is a positive step. Remembering the good times and even the really funny times can help. Remember our loved one would not want us to only be sad when we recalled them. I know my sister and I enjoy having a girly lunch and giggling at things our mum said and done..in doing so we are keeping her alive in our minds and our hearts.

Denying the existence of someone we loved and have lost doesn’t help but celebrating their life does, but that can take time and that can be the real challenge. Acceptance doesn’t happen overnight and talking to other people in a similar situation really can help as realisation sets in that you are not alone in your struggle. You can’t beat a bit of support with genuine empathy there is no need to feel alone.

 

Being supportive

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I have just returned from a great brunch with my life coach pal where we share experiences ‘generically’ of projects we are working on and specific areas of counselling we are involved in and researching.

We are both mindful that whether we are working with a stroke survivor, a bereavement client or a teenager suffering with stress that there is always a family unit that are also trying as best they can to support the individual having counselling or coaching.

The more assistance and support a family can receive the better the chances of recovery and this may include extended family and teachers. Awareness is always essential to ensure that allowances are made in a constructive way and as we know information is power.

An additional factor a counsellor has to always bear in mind is not to break any confidentialities to any parties and at times this can be met with objections but trust takes time to earn and is vital to the process and to allow us to remain professional at all times and codes of ethics.

There is no reason to struggle with emotional problems there is help available and the first brave step is recognising you need help and then asking for it.

CAPTURING CHILDREN’S INTEREST

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Get them reading and visiting the theatre whilst they are young…

Earlier this week I attended a talk on the history of pantomime and we discussed how taking our children to Panto may indeed be the first experience they have of attending a theatre.Such a shame the ‘elf and safety/fun Police’ stopped sweeties from being thrown into the audience.

It is never too earlier to introduce children into live theatre or musical events. I remember taking my own daughter and friends to the panto and local am dram shows and they always enjoyed the magical experience. When our children were studying for exams with ‘An Inspector calls’ as one of their books on the reading list –  an afternoon at the theatre to see the production on stage was a great help to the students in understanding the plot.

Actor Simon Callow is quoted in a daily today revealing it was his Grandmother who introduced him to ‘The Pickwick Papers‘ age just 13. So inspiring your child this way you may just be raising the next great actor as well.

Not sprouts! Yuk

On a Christmas inspired note… ‘The Daily Mail’ reports that brussel sprouts…yes that children’s favourite are indeed healthy for not just the body but the mind too. University research is being conducted into vegetables rich from vitamin A – could well be a positive element in the fight to find cures for Alzheimer’s. Here’s hoping the proposed trials prove fruitful.

Play nicely over Christmas fellow bloggers and followers and don’t over indulge too much..except perhaps on the vegetables.

Stimulating memories

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As part of my own on=going research into Alzheimer’s and Dementia I am reading through a colleague’s copy of an excellent toolkit to help understand and prevent..in theory some of the symptoms and challenges those who suffer are meeting daily.

Yesterday, I decided to re-watch ‘ The Notebook‘ a beautiful love story about a husband’s dedication to help his wife through living with dementia. It is a well-loved and well-know creative piece and a weepie.

The husband never gives up on his wife and much to the disbelief of doctors she can play some music from memory. One line that always sticks with me (said emotively by the husband played by James Garner) in defence of his faith in her ability to remember and in defiance of the medics:-

‘Science only goes so far…then comes God’

In my own work wth dementia clients music is a great trigger for stimulating memories and encouraging a silent sufferer to beceome more vocal and happier.

Finding time

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My great mentor and mother always said how one could find the time to do the things we really want to do. How true, sometimes we don’t need to find time but it’s more of a case of making time and as we get into the winter months I am reminded that a lot of elderly people will become housebound and lonely.

If you have elderly relatives make the effort to visit even half an hour of interesting input from somebody younger can put meaning into an otherwise dull day and the time will bring a welcome break into what may be a very long day.

Often the elderly can go several days without seeing anybody and that in itself can be depressing.Finding time to share warm memories and remind our relatives how they still have a place in our lives and that  their memories are important to us to.

Writing memories for the family is something we should encourage these valuable people to do so we can cherish them too long after they are no longer around.

Making the most of our time

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As I write today’s blog I am mindful of yesterday’s tram crash and how many families will be affected by the tragic accident. People going about their usual business on their way to work or college and a future planned.

At times like these I remember my mentor’s words about living a day at a time and being good to people when they are here. I heard these sentiments on a regular basis and for her generation surviving the London Blitz in the second world war they knew how lives could be changed in a moment for simply being at the wrong place at the wrong time. On the eve of 11/11 we will remember them.

Life is precious as are our loved ones and close friends and where possible we must ensure to live life to full and hopefully without affecting others by our actions in a negative way. We owe it to those that lost their lives in protecting our right to freedom.

As we get older ourselves we start to lose older relatives and too often their own stories die with them, I encourage families to spend time with grandparents and find out their stories to record and treasure for future generations to come. For those families faced with the challenge of family members with dementia recollecting past stories is a good way of stimulating and communicating.

Today’s objective as always is to make the most of our time in a positive and productive way whenever we can.

Black cat day

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Today is the Cats Protection League’s black cat day in an attempt to encourage would-be pet owners to consider re-homing a black cat.Not sure what the reasons are but it would seem many a lovely black cat struggles to be adopted.

We have two fab black cats one was a rescue cat and has been a joy to have.Slightly amused they have chosen to have this awareness day near Halloween but in our house they are considered good luck.

The various charities who support the elderly in our communities are aware just how many people living on their own are lonely and bringing a pet into their lives can bring a new lease of life. Of course a cat is  a great lap companion for those who cannot get out and about. Cat has the added bonus of no need for walking it in the rain!  (Sorry dog lovers)

Additionally it is well documented that having and stroking a pet cat or dog lowers one’s blood pressure ..so a healthy addition to the family too.

Alzheimer’s Society

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Yet again I am promoting the Alzheimer’s Society who have just provided me with  a second batch of amazing literature. I cannot praise their support and standard of advice enough it has been of great benefit in helping me in my own research of Dementia and in supporting those around me with loved ones facing this personal challenge.

To anybody working with and/or supporting Dementia sufferers please ensure you take full advantage of their support both in terms of material and advice.

Their helpline for England, Wales and Northern Ireland is 0300 222 1122

As their literature states they are ‘leading the fight against dementia’ and they are!

Dementia Friends

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When visiting my doctor’s surgery I always take a look at their information table, being a magpie I like to have leaflets available to help friends and colleagues.

Today I picked up a card promoting Dementia Friends and their trained volunteer champions who help in the community. If you know somebody who would benefit from their help please visit their website:-

http://www.dementiafriends.org.uk 

We have a growing population of people who suffer from Mild Cognitive Impairment or Dementia and being aware of what help is available is crucial for families in particular those partners who become main carers.