Both in my own experience as a parent and various projects work, studying etc., I can both marvel and be left in a quandary about ‘The secret mind of a teenager’ title of a forth coming project.
We know that for many years the mysteries surrounding the contents of a woman’s head and indeed her handbag are to be held in awe! Times that by infinity and you may be closer to understanding what your teenage son or daughter is thinking.
Being a parent is a rewarding role but holds us often left wondering… and often worrying far more than we need to. In a family each child is an individual and will deal with events in a completely different way to his or her siblings and this will come as a surprise to their parents who believe they know their child well…or not as the case may be.
We know from medical research that in terms of how they evaluate and react may be not the way we would wish and this is not based upon the hormones, stress levels but because the reasoning part of the brain is not fully developed until they are in their early twenties.
So do we give up the ‘perceived nagging’? Most definitely not, but be patient as hopefully they are growing, at their own speed, into rounded individuals in the majority of cases. They need time to catch up emotionally.
Mothers of boys don’t forget some boys are not as willing to share ‘secrets’ with their parents and being quiet in approach may not necessarily be a bad thing…maybe your son just has his head really sorted out, knows where he is going and is calm. Now wouldn’t that be a good thing to know?
However, if we can encourage our children to share rather than keep their emotions bottled up it will help with their emotional intelligence. Sometimes it is easier to talk to somebody independent and several parent friends know their children can come to me as a befriender if this helps and at times it has.
So many pressures exist on teenagers these days and the added peer and media activities can sometimes be a negative influence. As parents it is hard sometimes to gauge how to be supportive without prying and encouraging without pushing.
What we need to do though is be aware of the type of pressures they are facing however shocking they may be. Remember we are living in fast pace times with temptations that we never had to endure ourselves as teenagers and ‘apparently having everything’ doesn’t mean that your child won’t lose their way and possibly disappoint you.
Remain the adult and show them love..that’s their security.