childhood trauma

Our children..our most precious gift

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I am finally getting around to typing up my reflective notes for my journal from all the amazing documentaries I have been watching over the summer. On July 21st my blog was dedicated to Olly Alexander’s ‘Growing up Gay‘ but today I would like to quote from his emotive closing advice and comments:-

 ‘Be honest about our wounds and scars –it’s part of the process. Encourage positivity –be your authentic self. It should be normal for parents to be able to talk to their kids as they deserve a happy life.‘

To echo his honest and heartfelt thoughts, I would like to add a comment I heard on TV from Alan Titchmarsh:

‘We can only ever be as happy as our happiest child!’ 

Think about that one for a moment and ask those awkward questions or at least give your child the platform on which to open up…Remember they are only ever on loan to us.

Breaking the taboo

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We must salute our two Princes for making their documentary about their mother and once again being brave enough to break the taboo subject of bereavement. Great respect for the next Royal generation who have raised awareness for both bereavement charities and mental health.

For far too long people have been uncomfortable talking about and acknowledging death as I write so often this unhealthy attitude does nothing to help those who are trying to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. We keep them alive in our hearts and our minds and by talking about their lives and celebrating them actually helps us through the pain of bereavement.

Death does not end a relationship. There are never the right words but don’t under estimate the value of just touching somebody’s hand and telling them that you are thinking of them. Personal engagement and contact was something that Princess Diana did so readily and made a difference touching lives.

‘Growing up Gay’

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I have to agree with recent media comments that everyone whether Gay or not should watch Olly Alexander’s documentary ‘Growing up Gay’.  It gave a very honest insight into the many problems that teenagers have in coming to terms with sexuality. It covered bullying within schools, self harming and eating disorders as well as drug addiction.

As ever it included worrying statistics about the mental health issues that young people face and the damage and low self-esteem often from rejection by parents…sometimes leading to homelessness for many.

However, Olly also allowed cameras to film his participation in Diversity Role Model schemes being rolled out in some schools, with positive statistics that 40% of students used homophobic vocabulary before the sessions and reducing to 15% after.

Those that regular follow my blog know I do my bit to support anti-bullying and again this programme showed how students suffer in silence preferring not to tell the school or their family.

I whole heartedly agree with Olly’s comments that awareness and consideration to LBGT should form part of sex education within schools, the earlier we are encouraged to be accepting of others the better.

I know that as with other similar documentaries Olly’s will hopefully encourage those struggling to talk to somebody and get support.

Be kind to one another this weekend and remember to ask ‘how are doing?’ and be willing to listen. Be that friend.

Sara Payne – A Mother’s Story

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I watched last night’s programme on Channel Five ‘A Mother’s Story’ a documentary about Sara Payne, her family and the loss of her lovely daughter Sarah.

I had the great privilege of meeting Sara many years ago at an event run by The Stroke Association one of my chosen charities. Not only is she an inspirational woman who managed to change the law for the benefit of all our children, but also an extremely humble lady. She was a guest speaker encouraging others to be proactive and positive -this was not long before she suffered her own stroke.

The loss of a child is an unbearably sad journey and one which nevers leaves a parent, I know my own aunt never really recovered from the loss of my cousin in a tragic accident. I am reminded by the words of a wise and loving lady who told me once that;-

‘Our children are only on loan to us and that we should love them and hold them dear.’

I have read Sara’s book of the same title and will definitely be ordering a copy of  ‘Letters to Sarah.’ We all benefit from those who are brave enough to share their experiences and that in itself takes great courage.

 

 

Support charities

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In whichever area one has chosen as a career path we must continue to be mindful and recognise our limitations and when we need to refer a matter onto another professional or organisation. Never more so,  than in the area of counselling.

With the ever increasing cases of childhood abuse in the public eye those who have suffered a childhood trauma are finally finding a voice. Thankfully there are some amazing support charities around with helplines manned by great counsellors who can help them through the process as an adult rather than through the eyes of a frightened child.

Today, as part of my own research and development I contacted The Survivors Trust and was met with great advice from an experienced and positive counsellor.  For those in need or supporting a friend or family member please visit their website: http://www.thesurvivorstrust.org. Their helpline is: 0808 8010818

Nobody needs to suffer in silence and/or feel they are alone talking things through really does help..albeit one tiny step at a time.