As Valentine looms the shops are full of cards and the usual chocolate hearts..but how about something different this year?
‘The Little Book of Kisses’ by Dolly Christmas is now available to download to Kindle from Amazon. At £3.50 is a good fun book for somebody you love or if you fancy having a chuckle about the joys of kissing. To quote an ex-boyfriend ‘Kissing is serious fun!’
Cover illustration by Paul Manning
I boldy write and say on a regular basis that for stroke survivors and carers of people with dementia challenges that loss of use of limbs, speech or memory can be like a mini-bereavement and not to be taken lightly. This applies not only to the patient/client/sufferer but to family members,friends and carers who have to come to terms with the reality that part of the person they knew and loved may be lost, sometimes temporarily and sometimes it is a gradually process and permanent.
When supporting people through the bereavement process I often remind them that perhaps the cancer or heart problems which may have led to the loss of a family member or friend is not who they were…that is what they had. Similarly accepting the challenges a stroke survivor has to live with will help them tremendously.
For the bereaved; to help the grieving process focusing on the good memories and the achievements and life the person led is a positive step. Remembering the good times and even the really funny times can help. Remember our loved one would not want us to only be sad when we recalled them. I know my sister and I enjoy having a girly lunch and giggling at things our mum said and done..in doing so we are keeping her alive in our minds and our hearts.
Denying the existence of someone we loved and have lost doesn’t help but celebrating their life does, but that can take time and that can be the real challenge. Acceptance doesn’t happen overnight and talking to other people in a similar situation really can help as realisation sets in that you are not alone in your struggle. You can’t beat a bit of support with genuine empathy there is no need to feel alone.
Writing as we know can be extremely therapeutic even if nobody reads what you have written. In writing down your thoughts and emotions you are starting to let them go and you will feel lighter.
Over the years I have run writers groups and been amazed at the honesty as well as the talent apparent ‘non-writers’ have and how well they express their emotions when given the chance.
Poetry is often a fun way for some as they can keep their thoughts limited to a word count or pattern of their own choice. However, the emotion and personal message will come through strongly, even irony and comedy when applied can help us make sense of what previously may have been too painful to discuss.
Keeping a journal and/or writing a blog is a great way to have a rant and start collating material to reflect on at a later date. Additionally writing down happy thoughts and reasons to be grateful can help us keep a positive balance and be mindful on a regular basis.
It has always been and will always be the case that to have that good friend you have to be that good friend. Being supportive and kind to others lays down the best foundation to move forward. We all have our bad days and some people have bad months or even bad years where a cluster of events beyond their control can consume them. When going through the times of challenge we turn to good friends who remind just where our strength and, where appropriate, our faith lies to draw on and help get us through.
This week I seem to be having some excellent heart to heart conversations with various family members and colleagues. Sometimes during times of bereavement in the midst of our despair we also begin to acknowledge what matters most, how not to allow little things to upset us but more importantly to be grateful for the good things in our life that daily we too easily take for granted.
There is no doubt in my mind experiencing the loss of a parent at a very early age made my own family closer and a realisation hit home (literally) that one never knows what is around the next corner. We were all raised to be mindful by an amazing mentor (our Mother) and to live a day at a time and live it well… love and laugh often as the fridge magnets say!
Remember kindness is indeed a strength and not a weakness -my own personal mantra.
My publication ‘A Mother’s love‘ will be available very soon
Like many I have been appalled at some of the verbal abuse certain people in power have directed at women and/or the vulnerable. No names mentioned, but latest discussion on affecting the freedom of choice for women to have a termination of pregnancy for fear of ‘punishment’ is beyond belief.
Without getting into the reasoning behind specific religious beliefs and respecting those that maintain those beliefs there are many reasons why a woman should have the choice and be supported in that choice without shame. This ‘choice’ may be enforced following unwanted attention in the form of a sexual attack culminating in an unwanted pregnancy and/or for medical reasons or just personal circumstances.
In the same day we see women having to petition for the right not to be forced to wear high heels to work -again sheer madness. I am old enough to remember when girls were not allowed to wear trousers to work in the bank until the staff union stepped in.
In a fast growing world or progress it does seem unbelievable that we have to go backwards in terms of people being able to live their life the best they see fit the way they see fit.
Meanwhile we all run the risk of being killed by idiots using their mobile phones whilst driving or being in charge of a drone which can cause an airplane to crash, the latter reports are on the increase… now that is worrying. Let’s focus our attentions on the real law breakers putting us all at risk.
At my age I am surrounded by friends and extended family members who are sadly losing parents and other elderly relatives and friends. On the positive side people are living longer although the end of their life may then be challenging with health issues.
As I reminded a lovely close friend today; however difficult it is we mustn’t allow grief to consume us but try to remind ourselves of positive aspects of our loved one’s life and character. Moreover remember to be grateful for the small things in our own lives that daily we too often take for granted.
As any good publication or article on mindfulness will suggest take time to enjoy even the simplest of activities whether that be doing the crossword, drinking your coffee or savouring that last square of chocolate. Doing something for you is not selfish it’s self-preservation.
The fast pace of life and the technological world in which we live keep us racing through life rather than living it to its best. As I also reminded a young working mother earlier today: Our crazy schedule is actually within our control if we so choose…and breathe easy.
My kindle book ‘The Little Book of Kisses’ is available to download from Amazon. Written in my pen name Dolly Christmas giving a comical insight into the magical world of kissing.
What the world needs now is more humour and definitely more kissing!
At £3.50 a great Valentine’s gift or fun time read…life get’s just too serious.
Today I discussed with a colleague how times had changed within education. We spoke about how previously teachers could hit children with a cane, throw black board rubbers at their heads and even wash their mouths out with soap for swearing.The latter I witnessed myself… I kid you not!
Thankfully we have come a long way and teachers are better behaved and hopefully so are the children. My colleague was in her 80’s and interested to learn about safeguarding and how staff are not meant to be ‘touching’ children -and those of us who have had safeguarding training know that even when administering first aid one has to be mindful and only act appropriately.
Equally teachers are now coping with far more stress factors than in our day at school aside of league tables; drugs, self-harming and of course cyber-bullying not all changes are for the better and life is not easy for our teenagers. The opportunities are vast but the pressures are too.
The main advice is to keep an open communication line and take an active interest in one’s children not just their friendship groups but their well-being too. Parenting the most rewarding yet difficult assignment you will ever be given.
‘The little Book of Kisses’ by Dolly Christmas is now available to download from Amazon.
At only £3.50 an ideal amusing gift for Valentine’s or a bit of light reading to get you in the mood for kissing!
I sincerely hope our Prime Minister’s intentions to increase budgets for mental health assistance within the NHS and the Education sector comes to fruition. Sadly the things we cannot see are often dissmissed.
I was reminded today on an early morning walk as I approached a rather dense bush which was concealing a number of birds vocalising loudly… I couldn’t see them but they were there. This can be true of people in need of help with emotional problems they are struggling to overcome. If one has a leg in plaster or anything visual we automatically find people engaging and giving us sympathy.
I make a point of asking if somebody is ok whether they have a leg in plaster or not and I am mindful that people that either haven’t had children and/or their’s grew up in a different time seem indifferent to the stress of our teens today. It’s tough, the pace of life and expectations is great and with the added pressure of exams and continuing increase of cyber bullying and self-harming ..they need our help and support not our criticisms.
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