friendships

Worrying won’t change things

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Sound advice regularly given my our amazing mother and mentor. i.e. worrying about things won’t change them and that is for certain.

People spend far too much time worrying about things many of which are often out of their control, whilst we can’t leave all our life to fate we can enjoy the things that matter and spend time focusing on them rather than worrying about things that we cannot possibly change.

Mindfulness and meditation help us to lead a more positive, focused and relaxed life. Enjoying each day and what it brings, not taking the simple things for granted and appreciating those we hold dear.

Recently I was talking to a male friend about his relationship with his mother and asked him if he ever told her all the positive things he tells me about her…No he didn’t..and he got a why not? reply. We are never too old for compliments and mothers like to know they have done a good job.

Few years ago I attended a talk about body language and the speaker reminded us to tell those we love that we love them…and often.

Message today is love not worrying makes the world go round.

Combating student stress

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As part of mental health awareness week our fabulous Editor James Cain at Innovate My School has published my article today on combating student stress through communication.

I am always happy to donate to this website which is a really brilliant tool for teachers and professionals within the education sector.

I hope my followers will enjoy reading my latest piece, link follows:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/combating-student-stress-through-communication

Memories

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A lot of my coaching work with my dementia clients and their families is obviously based around memory and sharing positive memories.

Smooth radio were doing their top 500 songs at the weekend; as Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen’ bellowed out of the radio I remembered that very hot summer of 1976, age 18 driving around Devon with my first boyfriend in his mum’s white mini. He later died a very young age of cancer.

Everybody has a story to tell and as I was discussing this weekend music often is the background to our lives and hearing a piece of music we can remember when and where we heard it. This can of course make us feel melancholy if the music brings back sad memories but what we don’t always appreciate is that sometimes that pain needs to come to the surface and letting go of our emotions is a positive thing.

I heard somebody say recently that ‘memories are the scripts of our soul’ as Aristotle famously quoted and believed.  As such our pain and joy associated with those memories must be equally embraced.

For anyone feeling sad about a loved one they have lost try and balance it out by remembering something really funny they did as they would want you to go on living and laughing.

I will end today’s blog remembering my amazing Mother leaving the room, dancing as she did, singing ‘Bring me sunshine’ and of course she did.

 

 

NHS and friends

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Been away from the blog for a few days recovering from treatment and sedation. Huge thank you to the great staff at ULCH London Hospital who are always professional and give great care. Everyone is oh so quick to criticise the NHS but the dedication of staff is second to none.

As ever I’m grateful to my amazing girlfriends; one who accompanied to hospital and others who took shifts in visiting with icecream and flowers etc. I am indeed rich in friends and never hopefully take that for granted.

I often write about the value of friendship especially when people are feeling under par. Support and kindness definitely is a key factor in our emotional recovery as well as our physical recovery.

I am mindful it is the season of exams and many students are feeling anxious. As my last blog recommended find time for breaks away from the studying and enjoy the company of friends (hopefully positive ones).  Speaking with colleagues in pastoral I am fully aware that negative influences are unhelpful at these times but keep positive, keep hydrated and exercise..even if it’s just a walk with the dog imaginary or real! Nowadays one can even include the dog in Yoga exercises (doga)

Oh of course..better mention chocolate, not too much to bring on a migraine though.

 

Exam and Revision stress

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So for many students it is now full on revising leading up to the exam period. As always I am mindful this is a very difficult time for many students of all ages. The key is to get plenty of rest and keep hydrated. To ensure that the cramming sessions are broken into realistic chunks with time off for regular exercise if possible as that really helps cognitively. Remember to include relaxation and treats into your schedules.

Treats don’t necessarily mean a bagful of chocolate; as your complexion may be more sensitive to and likely to react in skin break-outs brought on by stress at this time, but regular intake of water will really help with this too!

A bit of pampering girls is always a good idea, whether this be a manicure,  a new hair style or if the budget runs to it maybe a massage. A break away from the laptop to the cinema may be just the break you need along with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream obviously.

Seriously, now, keep focused but mindful and if you are feeling really stressed talk to somebody, if this isn’t your parent, talk to a tutor, or pastoral care they will always be supportive and may have some excellent tips that are really easy to implement on a day to day basis. Many colleges and universities have all sorts of stress buster ideas and schemes so find out what yours has to offer and make ultimate use of what’s available.

Please don’t suffer in silence but avoid taking on other student’s stress -it is easy for others to make you feel stressed it can be contagious.

I will be posting regular tips throughout May and June so keep following. I will be invigilating again this summer so I see fully appreciate how stressful it can be for many students. I will be posting little tips for ‘on the exam day’ too.

Keep calm, focused and keep positive.

 

Bullying in schools

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At last we see the subject of bullying tackled in our various soap programmes, dramas and day time chat shows. What worries me is how much of this still goes on in schools without the victims of bullying and their parents seemingly powerless to stop it.

Aside of the 24/7 bullying via the various types of media available to our children to misuse and become the target of bullying on site bullying still goes on too. What a lot of people do not realise is that even bullying taking place outside of school hours and away from the school premises can have repercussions for the bullies. Students can be excluded from school and from taking exams a point some may need to be reminded of and that they must take responsibilities for actions

If a student’s wellbeing is being affected and his/her school work and attendance suffers then the school have the power to take the bullies to task. Moreover schools must be seen to be taking bullying seriously and following the guidelines and procedures and if you feel your school is failing your child, first point of call after the Head teacher would be the Governors.

Sadly so many children who are being bullied remain silent but there are signs as parents and teachers to look out, the NSPCC and Childline websites list the signs including becoming isolated, change in sleep or eating patterns. Often children who selfharm or who have eating disorders are doing so because of bullying. It is not just children with SEN’s that are bullied though they are often targeted.

Please read my article on Innovate My School’s website:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

 

The bereavement journey

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I am mindful that those in early stages of the bereavement process often feel isolated in their grief. This is often compounded by those around them, maybe family members also suffering in silence and close friends not knowing what to say.

There are no right words and this continues to be apparrent even many years after the loss of a loved one has passed. As I was saying earlier this week to a friend coping with another sad anniversary, nobody knows you are drowning in your grief unless you tell them..they just think you are waving. Often we can feel almost disappointed with those close for ‘not knowing/realising’ but two pieces of advice I offer is not to be to hard on one’s self and not have too high an expectation of others to do or say the right thing!

Bereavement is painful and there are no quick routes, but as I say the times we seem consumed by grief are times when we are letting it come to the surface rather than pretend we are ‘fine’. Emotions need to be released not surpressed and talking about our feelings, which may include anger or even misplaced blame in some cases really does help.

Don’t struggle alone seek help and for those thinking ‘I don’t go to church regularly so I can’t talk to my local minister’…think again you may be surprised how helpful and supportive they can be. There are many excellent support charities around too so take advantage of any groups locally.

Don’t forget writing can be extermely therapeutic even if nobody ever reads it but you. I know when I ran my writers group my members really benefited from using this way to share and reveal their feelings.

 

‘The Little Book of Kisses’

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‘The Little book of Kisses’ by Dolly Christmas is available to download from Amazon Kindle; A good fun read but with some interesting facts you probably didn’t know about the various bonuses of kisssing…health related (including dental hygiene!!) and calorie loss…now there’s a good reason to read and get kissing.

little-book-of-kisses

 

‘A Mother’s Love’

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‘A Mother’s Love’ My Mum said..Gospels according to Dorothy’  by Annie Manning is now available from Amazon to download. A Kindle publication @ £3.99 sharing advice and memories of the amazing relationship between a daughter and mother.

A reflective read acknowledging the role of a great mentor and best friend.

Mother-s love (1)

Technology running our lives

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OK I know it’s not Monday but I didn’t have time to rant yesterday as I spent the day glued to laptop! I am so aware that we all depend so much on out technology and when changes are made beyond our control it can be daunting if not frustrating…not to mention time consuming and additional costs.

My email server for many years has decided to withdraw my email address leaving me with hours of fun…did I say fun?  There are so many things in our business that are connected to our email address that have to be changed aside of re-printing costs of stationary! Like many business people my email package is my filing system – in an attempt to be paper free haha we leave ourselves vulnerable it seems.

Luckily my daughter is home from university and helped me to import data and contacts to new email… some has arrived here’s hoping the rest does soon!

I confess to not saving all my contact  details either, who does when it may be just one or two emails? So I am apologising in advance to anybody I inadvertantly lose contact with after the end of May. I am doing my best to notify those I can of change of email details.

On the good side maybe I may end up actually talking to people instead of communication via modern media..now there’s a thought.