kindness

Looking for the best

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I am a great believer in giving the other guy the benefit of the doubt and trying to look for the best, but appreciate that with some individuals this is not so easy.

As a child I remember my mother asking us to even make allowances for the bullies as after all they were basically unhappy children.  Some truth in that of course and my regular followers know that anti-bullying is a subject of frequent posts.

In life it is often about changing our own attitudes which makes us stronger.

To quote Mahatma Ghandi:-

‘Before we expect to see our desired qualities in others, we should assimilate them in ouselves. We are all wonderful and extremely beautiful from the inside and the more we see the same thing in others, we shall get the same in return.’

Even in business this is true and from an early age I was encouraged to ‘kill customers with kindness‘ backed up by great training films featuring John Cleese on how not to treat them!

Keep smiling.

Positive healing

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Some years ago I attended a patient recovery meeting held at my local hospital. The staff and speakers made it quite clear that the ratio for recovery lies 20% with surgeon and 80% with patient. I will clarify by saying it was said with regards to hip and knee operations but I know it applies to far more and not just in terms of operation recovery.

If exercise is part of the recovery journey then we must do it, if rest is recommended for other treatment then we should take heed too. However, I am in no doubt, and due to own personal experience, that positive healing comes from within and how we use our mind to heal the mind and the body is vital.

Positive healing may come to us via those that love us and help us when we are suffering physically or mentally, and, the medical experts… not forgetting our wonderful nurses who tend to our practical and emotional needs when in hospital. Often a few kind words and positive approach will register far more than the pain killers.

Over the past ten years plus I have had amazing support and treatment from a London hospital and my specialist has an incredible positive presence. A few minutes of speaking with him one feels better, based on trust, his expertise and his approach to his patients.

When we are ill we are all at our most vulnerable and that is when we really truly appreciate how we are treated and supported. However, the most important person in our endeavours to be well and strong is of course ourselves. Applying mindfulness, being positive, but realistic in our step at a time recovery will enable us to achieve our goal.

Keeping fit and positive in mind will always help us to recover from any illness or help us come to terms with any limitations that illness may bring, it should be preventative rather than cure. However, if we are struggling it is better to be honest and talk to those that can help…but only if they know.

A Dr  uttered a few simple words to me once ‘you will get through this‘ and he was right I did. But his faith and positivity have never been forgotten.

 

9/11

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We can all remember where we were when the news broke on 9/11 and the emotional effect that had once the reality of what happened unfolded.

I can hardly believe it is 16 years since the world watched in disbelief as loved ones waited to hear knews. I was working for a client and a team member’s son escaped losing his life, he was hungover and didn’t go into his twin towers office that fateful morning. As my brother and I discussed last week we never know what life holds in store.

As I reflect today of those who did lose loved ones and/or were affected emotionally by what they witnessed I remember the weeks that followed. My mother was in her last week’s fighting her battle with cancer and we sat looking at the newspapers discussing what had happened. She was grateful for somebody to talk about anything other than the fact she was dying. Always somebody to think of others she expressed her concerns for the world my daughter (then aged four) would be growing up into.

As ever tell those you love that you love them and show kindness where possible to those that maybe you don’t!

 

The many uses of music

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Those that know me well know I am a music lover always have been. Music can lift our souls, get our feet tapping and motivate us in so many ways. Some say music breathes life into our soul and I tend to agree. Writing for songwriters is also therapeutic and enables them to tell their story.

Let’s be honest those epic films we know and love would be nothing without the music score setting the mood, the drama and emotion.

It is a well documented fact that those people with speech challenges i.e. stammering, their stammer seems to disappear when they sing.

Recently I watched a teacher (Christian Foley) using his amazing ability to rap making his lessons more interesting for his students with great results. It immediately reminded me of an old Welsh History teacher who taught us the Kings and Queens of England by reciting a rhyming poem/song – which to my own amazement I can still recite. Moreover I remain amazed he could recite them himself after a lunchtime tipple which was a regular event in those days.

I use music therapy within sessions with dementia clients to help stimulate happy memories and prompt discussions giving an insight into their lives with beautiful results.

For me life would be impossible without my music, an old fashioned girl; a loft full of vinyl and my little CD player still brings hours of joy whilst studying.

As my mum used to say ‘music gets my motor running!’ How true.

Preventing bullying

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As the new term at schools commences there will be many children and parents concerned about the bullying that sadly exists within schools. Hardly a day goes by when we are not hearing about a tragic account of either face to face or cyber bullying and the drastic affect it has on the victims. Schools and parents should be reminding pupils to take responsibility for their actions and just how dangerous bullying can be when it gets out of hand…banter is only banter when everyone is laughing.

Only this week I was talking to a mother who expressed her frustration in the poor way her son’s school had reacted to her pleas for help. This was also the subject of a phone in today on This Morning TV.  Sadly, parents who are faced with a distraught child are often feeling so understandably emotional and helpless that they do not have the energy to fight their child’s corner. In addition they can be met with reluctance by some schools to actually deliver the ‘anti-bullying programme’ they are duty bound to impose.

I echo the advice given today; if your school are not proactive, talk to the chair of governors, local authority or when appropriate the Police.  Please read my piece on tackling cyber bullying on Innovate My School’s website:- 

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

Kindness and understanding

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One time when people need both kindness and understanding is when a loved one is dying and they find themselves perhaps in unknown territory of feeling lost and sadder than they ever thought possible. As I frequently write; just acknowledging their sadness rather than avoiding making contact is all one needs to do, a touch of a hand and a few words expressing empathy, if you do know how they feel.

This weekend I found myself in such a situation and reminded those in need that it does get easier, to remember their loved one before their deterioration of health and to keep them alive in their heart. I also reminded a younger relative that their parent would wish them to go on living life to the full and making every day count.

There are not many families that are not touched by cancer and seeing a loved one suffer and disappear is truly a difficult time and one which takes time to move on from. When we know in advance that a special person is dying, we can at least have time to say goodbye, though this period affects the grieving process..to which there is no quick route.

As ever, tell those you love that you love them on a regular basis and as my wonderful mum would say ‘The time to be good to people is when they are here!’ 

Our children..our most precious gift

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I am finally getting around to typing up my reflective notes for my journal from all the amazing documentaries I have been watching over the summer. On July 21st my blog was dedicated to Olly Alexander’s ‘Growing up Gay‘ but today I would like to quote from his emotive closing advice and comments:-

 ‘Be honest about our wounds and scars –it’s part of the process. Encourage positivity –be your authentic self. It should be normal for parents to be able to talk to their kids as they deserve a happy life.‘

To echo his honest and heartfelt thoughts, I would like to add a comment I heard on TV from Alan Titchmarsh:

‘We can only ever be as happy as our happiest child!’ 

Think about that one for a moment and ask those awkward questions or at least give your child the platform on which to open up…Remember they are only ever on loan to us.

Breaking the taboo

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We must salute our two Princes for making their documentary about their mother and once again being brave enough to break the taboo subject of bereavement. Great respect for the next Royal generation who have raised awareness for both bereavement charities and mental health.

For far too long people have been uncomfortable talking about and acknowledging death as I write so often this unhealthy attitude does nothing to help those who are trying to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. We keep them alive in our hearts and our minds and by talking about their lives and celebrating them actually helps us through the pain of bereavement.

Death does not end a relationship. There are never the right words but don’t under estimate the value of just touching somebody’s hand and telling them that you are thinking of them. Personal engagement and contact was something that Princess Diana did so readily and made a difference touching lives.

A Mother’s love and instinct

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They say there is nothing to match the love of a mother for her child and recent research has proven that part of a baby’s brain DNA is transposed to it’s mother whilst in the womb. This may indeed explain the strong bond and natural instinct as in when we sense our child is in trouble though the miles may keep us apart.

I always encourage those around me to learn a new word every day and my own word today is ‘arohanui’ which is word from the Maori language and I am reliably informed that it means:-

‘A love so big it is an ocean’

Those of us lucky enough to be parents will know that to be true..to the moon and back we so often say too.

I had an amazing relationship with my own mother and some of this magic and pearls of wisdom I have captured in my own book now available from Amazon Kindle:-

‘A Mother’s Love’..Gospels according to Dorothy.

‘Growing up Gay’

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I have to agree with recent media comments that everyone whether Gay or not should watch Olly Alexander’s documentary ‘Growing up Gay’.  It gave a very honest insight into the many problems that teenagers have in coming to terms with sexuality. It covered bullying within schools, self harming and eating disorders as well as drug addiction.

As ever it included worrying statistics about the mental health issues that young people face and the damage and low self-esteem often from rejection by parents…sometimes leading to homelessness for many.

However, Olly also allowed cameras to film his participation in Diversity Role Model schemes being rolled out in some schools, with positive statistics that 40% of students used homophobic vocabulary before the sessions and reducing to 15% after.

Those that regular follow my blog know I do my bit to support anti-bullying and again this programme showed how students suffer in silence preferring not to tell the school or their family.

I whole heartedly agree with Olly’s comments that awareness and consideration to LBGT should form part of sex education within schools, the earlier we are encouraged to be accepting of others the better.

I know that as with other similar documentaries Olly’s will hopefully encourage those struggling to talk to somebody and get support.

Be kind to one another this weekend and remember to ask ‘how are doing?’ and be willing to listen. Be that friend.