kindness

Tell somebody you love them now

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

My amazing mother and mentor frequently reminded us as children that the time to be good to somebody is when they are here. These words of wisdom spoke often were her own form of mindfulness, reminding us that today was for living and that showing those that we care in thoughts, words or deed should always be high on our personal agenda.

I have just watched a short but touchingly emotive film ‘Our hearts are bigger’. It shows how a couple dealing with Dementia write beautiful love letters to one another and read them to help the challenge of memory loss that this sad illness steals. In many ways loved ones face a type of bereavement as they are forced to accept they are losing the person they knew and loved.

Dementia, causes, prevention and on-going care is being featured within all forms of news media this week and the increased awareness is well over due.

Being isolated and having feelings of isolation are common factors and anything any of us can do to help enrich the lives of carers and dementia sufferers can really make an impact.

And, as my mother used to say in reality we can only live a day at a time so make it count.

‘A Mother’s Love’ Gospels according to Dorothy…now available from Amazon Kindle.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Annie-Manning/e/B005XXYJL0

 

 

you care

The Alzhiemer’s Society – Dementia awareness

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I had a very positive conversation with a staff member from The Alzheimer’s Society yesterday. I have to say all the contact I have had with this particular charity has been met with dedication from staff with a strong desire to provide as much help and information as possible for those in need whilst meeting their objectives to fund research for Dementia and of course increase awareness.

Having spent many years within the not-for-profit sector I know it has always been the case that awareness is as important as the fundraising they go hand-in-hand. This week is The Alzheimer’s International Conference and I have just seen comments raised by Dr Jane Fossey, Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust who echoes that research shows that positive person-centred approach can make a huge difference to the Dementia client and of course their loved ones who care for them.

I always maintain that communication is our best tool and asset in life and getting to know an individual and what they like and wish and/or need to talk about is key to success and vital in gaining trust. Never more so than when building a relationship with somebody living with Dementia.

Working with Dementia clients has been a great honour and a rewarding challenge for me this year. If you are thinking of donating to a different charity then certainly bear The Alzheimer’s Society in mind and visit their website: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk 

This year my sponsored Christmas tree at St Saviours Church St Albans will be to help with awareness for this amazing charity; with a community theme of love, kindness and understanding…that’s all any of us need.

Reflecting

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I often encourage friends and family members,  and, of course my counselling clients to stand back and reflect. All too often we think and act with our emotions rather than with our intellect then regret it later.

It is very easy to take one another for granted or even our work and a holiday away can provide us with that essential time to think about what we have, what we have achieved rather than worry about what we perceive as our failings.

Over the weekend, whilst having a break from painting the garden fence (very therapeutic) I watched ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’  wherein one of the characters advised:-

‘Distance lends enchantment to the view’ 

Indeed putting a bit of distance between ourselves and sometimes our problems or even other people can really make us appreciate the beauty in everything.

That’s a positive thought to start the week on…now to tackle the accounts.

Life without laptop and wifi

~ credo2014 ~ 1 Comment

I made a decision to leave the laptop at home during my week away at a fab writer’s retreat. There was no wifi so no blog. I did manage to catch up on some amazing reading as part of my reflective studies including a book on Angel stories.

It is always good to get away from our usual surroundings and if possible have time to one’s self to think, plan and re-evaluate. My work this past year has included some very emotive experiences which are enabling me to make ultimate use of my counselling skills but also reminding me how lucky I am and to be grateful for what is positive in my own life.

There are times in our lives where situations occur and people that we thought we knew manage to surprise us far beyond belief and leave us wondering and questioning our viewpoint. These times albeit somewhat distressing can be life-changing and bring an opportunity to go on to better things in life maybe a bit wiser and stronger emotionally.

That old fabric of life and it’s intricate weave of patterns can certainly test us but help us to grow and re-focus our attention of what really matters. Everything evolves and sometimes at a faster pace than we could ever have anticipated.

Time to reflect is good but getting back into a sensible routine after a break or an event in our life has it’s own purpose and sense of comfort. Life is to be enjoyed one day at a time and watching the many dogs enjoying the sea on the beach last week reminded how they have mindfulness sorted…we can learn a lot in life from the animals.

 

Feline stressed

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Today I will write about animal stress and behaviour. Just returned from our fabulous local vet as one of our beloved furry family members has been over-grooming again. Only this time we haven’t seen her doing it and it is far worse. We forget that it doesn’t take too much in terms of disruption to their routine and world of comfort to upset them.

Said feline friend frets when my daughter is away at university; having been home a month we had hoped it would be better but now it would appear her over-grooming is now a pattern of behaviour too. She looks a sorry sight but seems happy enough, plays and purrs??

As I said recently when talking about humans the outward signs can be very misleading as we are all capable of putting on a brave face and this applies whether our whiskers are stubbly or long and beautiful.

Time for the plug in and a few catnip toys me thinks! As for love and affection she is never in short supply of either in our house.

So today’s blog’s message is… look for the signs that are not obvious with those you love whether they be furry, feathered or covered in skin…all three types can be oh so sensitive.

International widow’s day

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I heard that today is International Widow’s Day and regular followers will know that acknowledging grief and helping those who are bereft is dear to my heart. I just wish bereavement was met with more empathy, sensitivity and constructive recognition when my own mother was left widowed at 43 with five children.

I remember my own mother telling me how people would cross the road to avoid talking to her after my father had died suddenly. Of course this said more about their reluctance to talk about death and ‘not knowing what to say’. As I so often write there are no right or wrong words but just to let somebody who has been widowed know that you are thinking of them/or have them in your prayers if that’s appropriate for you helps.

Avoiding discussing or mentioning the person that has died helps nobody, especially the widow. Something else I always remind people to do is to go and visit after the funeral which is a time that the widow and/or her children will need you most.

Additionally continue to invite somebody who is ‘single’ to your events.. for whatever reason they are now uncoupled, and maybe being widowed being one of the sadder reasons. It is far harder to rebuild a life as a single person than those who are still part of a couple can imagine. Not all widows or divorcees are after your husband..be generous.

Don’t assume because somebody’s husband had been ill for a long time it is easer on them either because it isn’t. In many ways it is harder as they have maybe seen their partner’s deterioration and a different type of feeling of loss has already started making it difficult to grieve normally (whatever normal is!). As ever the biggest gift any of us can give is our time.

National Writing Day

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

To me every day is a writing day but I must confess I love these allocated awareness days that pop up encouraging people to eat certain foods, donate to charity and maybe inspire a new or even a young writer to be creative.

I have always maintained that writing can be therapeutic..so even if you don’t intend anybody to see your efforts getting down your thoughts and feelings is never a waste of energy. For the crazier ones (like me) start a blog and get sharing. I like to think at a certain level some of my posts are helping others to recognise their feelings and, in the case of bereavement, are not alone in the grief.

Of course being a writer, and perhaps adopting a pen name gives one the opportunity to rant to the world and/or live in a time of fantasy where anything is possible.

Naturally, being an olde fashioned girlie I some times frown at how modern technology has to a certain degree stopped people communicating properly verbally but as equally sad writing properly. Let’s face it the best misuse of the wonderful English language is alive and kicking in everybody’s phone’s inbox!!

I know I am not myself if I haven’t written anything and feel almost guilty for missing a day on my blog. Thank you to all those followers who drop me a comment or a like that they have enjoyed or supported one of my daily blogs it’s great to know I am not talking to myself…or at least not all the time!

A Mother’s Love

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I still find on a day to day basis whether writing, counselling or just talking with friends over dinner I never fail to mention my amazing mentor, my mother.

As a family we were extremely fortunate to have such a strong character guiding us through life. I finally got around this year to writing some of her teachings down.

‘A Mother’s Love‘ Gospels according to Dorothy is available to download from Amazon kindle under my own name (Annie Manning) rather than one of my pen names! I hope my regular followers will enjoy reading this emotive project and find one or two gems to help them too.

Mother-s love (1)

 

Keeping the life and work balance

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

For some time now I have included career coaching naturally within my work both with corporate clients and counselling clients; for the latter it is of course no secret that problems within relationships either at work and/or at home overlap. We all need to feel valued and appreciated in all areas of our life to keep a positive balance and purpose to our life.

It is very easy for any of us to take our loved ones and/or work colleagues for granted I guess in some ways it is a compliment that we feel comfortable enough to do it…however we do so at our own peril at times. As I always maintain, it is far better to be honest and tell others how we really feel about a situation as holding back can often come back to bite us at a later date.

I know I rant about the power of communication but unless we share how we feel how can we expect others to know? Keeping the peace often seems the best option but can lead to feelings of resentment later down the line. Yes, life is a compromise but as wise lady once told me  ‘Don’t allow others to change who you are’ when we do we run the risk of living somebody else’s dream instead of our own.

It is very hard trying to keep everyone in our family,work and friendship happy..so don’t try. Better to be a giver I know but we cannot possibly be expected to be the source of everyone’s happiness it’s just too big a job for one man/woman.

We can all just aspire to doing the very best we can whilst considering the feelings of others along the way. As ever feeling grateful for what we have to enjoy today makes our own feelings of contentment easier to achieve.

 

 

 

Father’s Day

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Father’s day tomorrow and I know like many of my friends and family members who no longer have these special men around to celebrate with that these marketing led days are a big reminder.

There was a phone in yesterday of what would you like to tell your father if he was still alive. A nice idea though the time to be good to people and tell them we love them and/or discuss what really matters is when they are still with us in body, mind and spirit rather than when we are keeping their memory alive in our hearts.

I know so many people have regrets about not mending bridges with parents and if we lose them suddenly that opportunity has been missed. So if you are lucky enough to still have your dad around then have that chat, tell him you love him and not just on birthdays and fathers day!

As I write my blog today I am looking at a photo of my daughter aged three weeks being bathed by her dad having previously waved them off this morning for a pre-father’s day lunch outing.

Earlier today I was having a quick tidy round and had a good long look at my own father’s photo, he died when I was only seven so I feel that always qualifies me to tell others to appreciate theirs!  It is also coming up to his birthday and he would have been 95.

So if distance is a problem miles or relationship wise pick up the phone and call yours today.