love

Memories

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

A lot of my coaching work with my dementia clients and their families is obviously based around memory and sharing positive memories.

Smooth radio were doing their top 500 songs at the weekend; as Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen’ bellowed out of the radio I remembered that very hot summer of 1976, age 18 driving around Devon with my first boyfriend in his mum’s white mini. He later died a very young age of cancer.

Everybody has a story to tell and as I was discussing this weekend music often is the background to our lives and hearing a piece of music we can remember when and where we heard it. This can of course make us feel melancholy if the music brings back sad memories but what we don’t always appreciate is that sometimes that pain needs to come to the surface and letting go of our emotions is a positive thing.

I heard somebody say recently that ‘memories are the scripts of our soul’ as Aristotle famously quoted and believed.  As such our pain and joy associated with those memories must be equally embraced.

For anyone feeling sad about a loved one they have lost try and balance it out by remembering something really funny they did as they would want you to go on living and laughing.

I will end today’s blog remembering my amazing Mother leaving the room, dancing as she did, singing ‘Bring me sunshine’ and of course she did.

 

 

Exam and Revision stress

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So for many students it is now full on revising leading up to the exam period. As always I am mindful this is a very difficult time for many students of all ages. The key is to get plenty of rest and keep hydrated. To ensure that the cramming sessions are broken into realistic chunks with time off for regular exercise if possible as that really helps cognitively. Remember to include relaxation and treats into your schedules.

Treats don’t necessarily mean a bagful of chocolate; as your complexion may be more sensitive to and likely to react in skin break-outs brought on by stress at this time, but regular intake of water will really help with this too!

A bit of pampering girls is always a good idea, whether this be a manicure,  a new hair style or if the budget runs to it maybe a massage. A break away from the laptop to the cinema may be just the break you need along with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream obviously.

Seriously, now, keep focused but mindful and if you are feeling really stressed talk to somebody, if this isn’t your parent, talk to a tutor, or pastoral care they will always be supportive and may have some excellent tips that are really easy to implement on a day to day basis. Many colleges and universities have all sorts of stress buster ideas and schemes so find out what yours has to offer and make ultimate use of what’s available.

Please don’t suffer in silence but avoid taking on other student’s stress -it is easy for others to make you feel stressed it can be contagious.

I will be posting regular tips throughout May and June so keep following. I will be invigilating again this summer so I see fully appreciate how stressful it can be for many students. I will be posting little tips for ‘on the exam day’ too.

Keep calm, focused and keep positive.

 

Bereavement awareness…the young Royals

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Well done to the younger Royals for speaking out about bereavement and mental illness. Increasing awareness and the importance for people who are sufffering to talk will definitely help take the stigma away from these subjects which have been taboos for far too long. Like their mother Diana they are using their positions to do great and positive work.

Sharing their own experiences of their own bereavement journey in losing their own mother is both personal, brave and will, I am certain, help many people struggling to come to terms with their own loss.

Both princes show great compassion and are extremely humble when talking to representatives of support charities who are so often run and indeed started up by people who have experienced their own tragic loss or on-going mental illness.

The pain which we cannot see in others, often concealed well, certainly needs as much awareness and funding as any other worthy cause.

 

 

The bereavement journey

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I am mindful that those in early stages of the bereavement process often feel isolated in their grief. This is often compounded by those around them, maybe family members also suffering in silence and close friends not knowing what to say.

There are no right words and this continues to be apparrent even many years after the loss of a loved one has passed. As I was saying earlier this week to a friend coping with another sad anniversary, nobody knows you are drowning in your grief unless you tell them..they just think you are waving. Often we can feel almost disappointed with those close for ‘not knowing/realising’ but two pieces of advice I offer is not to be to hard on one’s self and not have too high an expectation of others to do or say the right thing!

Bereavement is painful and there are no quick routes, but as I say the times we seem consumed by grief are times when we are letting it come to the surface rather than pretend we are ‘fine’. Emotions need to be released not surpressed and talking about our feelings, which may include anger or even misplaced blame in some cases really does help.

Don’t struggle alone seek help and for those thinking ‘I don’t go to church regularly so I can’t talk to my local minister’…think again you may be surprised how helpful and supportive they can be. There are many excellent support charities around too so take advantage of any groups locally.

Don’t forget writing can be extermely therapeutic even if nobody ever reads it but you. I know when I ran my writers group my members really benefited from using this way to share and reveal their feelings.

 

‘The Little Book of Kisses’

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‘The Little book of Kisses’ by Dolly Christmas is available to download from Amazon Kindle; A good fun read but with some interesting facts you probably didn’t know about the various bonuses of kisssing…health related (including dental hygiene!!) and calorie loss…now there’s a good reason to read and get kissing.

little-book-of-kisses

 

‘A Mother’s Love’

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‘A Mother’s Love’ My Mum said..Gospels according to Dorothy’  by Annie Manning is now available from Amazon to download. A Kindle publication @ £3.99 sharing advice and memories of the amazing relationship between a daughter and mother.

A reflective read acknowledging the role of a great mentor and best friend.

Mother-s love (1)

Suffering in silence

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For far too long and for many reasons children have to a certain extent been encouraged to suffer in silence where bereavement is concerned. I frequently write about the damage ignoring the existence of a loved one who has died can do. Often with best intentions death becomes a taboo subject within a family unit.

As age appropriate for the child concerned encouraging talking about happy memories sensitively helps accept that death is part of life. It also helps keep our loved ones alive in our hearts. Remember that two children in a family will have a completely different journey through their grief too.

Equally, the death of a pet may be the first experience for a child and gives parents an opportunity to talk about death and how to celebrate the relationships we have when people are with us and celebrate their life rather than focus on the illness or the way in which they died.

Surviving the blitz…kindness of strangers

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Morning fellow bloggers, writers, friends, family and positive folk.  I was absent from my blog yesterday as I had a trip to London. I know a few close friends and family raised an eyebrow or two (well those that didn’t pluck them when they were younger!!) that I was ‘still going’.

Of course I was ‘still going’, my mother survived the London bombings of World War II and if there was one thing she taught our family was not to live our lives in fear. She also talked often of the kindness of strangers during that time and the positive spirit of Londoners.

As events which have left many of us greatly saddened and shocked this week proved, yet again, how strangers will run to the aid of others. Today however, like so many, I would like to congratulate all our emergency services for the amazing job they do every day and especially days like Wednesday.

Turning up for work in London…

I for one really appreciated seeing a good Police presence yesterday at mainline stations and sincere thanks to the amazing medical professional I saw at London UCLH hospital.

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However, I am mindful that this week’s events will bring to the surface traumatic memories for those who have been caught up in and/or witnessed previous similar tragedies both home and abroad. As always support those that need it and allow them to talk and release any personal emotions and new anxieties.

Remember:  these are isolated, albeit unforgiveable attacks, and, the Police are thwarting these and protecting us all the time. Be positive, go about your normal business and live a day at a time.

Tell those you love them that you do…to the moon and back. Does it need saying? Yes it certainly does!!