mindfulness

Being mindful and listening

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During the course of both business and social meetings this week friends and colleagues have all mentioned the value of being listened to in both personal and business environments.

Whatever age we have arrived at in life, and, whatever journey we have travelled to get there we will have times when we need support..although we may fight against admitting it.

During my early morning dog walk (before being glued to the laptop) a colleague and I not only covered many steps but many topics. Both professionals in pastoral and practice mindfulness but ‘mindful’ that our maturity and qualifications enable us to do so whereas others are struggling particularly today’s teenagers/students.

We both discussed the rewards we get when we have a break-through with somebody we are trying to support and how the use of eye-contact, or rather its avoidance, plays such an important part. We have many senses and our hearing being our best gift for those that need to talk and not be judged. Sitting next to somebody, respecting their space and not intimidating them takes patience and consideration..but it’s easier than we think. That’s all part of mindfulness…slowing down and using our intellect rather than our emotions will always be fruitful.

Over the weekend find time to be ‘that friend’ who listens. Please give those you love the platform and opportunity to talk, but moreover the chance for someone to listen.

9/11

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We can all remember where we were when the news broke on 9/11 and the emotional effect that had once the reality of what happened unfolded.

I can hardly believe it is 16 years since the world watched in disbelief as loved ones waited to hear knews. I was working for a client and a team member’s son escaped losing his life, he was hungover and didn’t go into his twin towers office that fateful morning. As my brother and I discussed last week we never know what life holds in store.

As I reflect today of those who did lose loved ones and/or were affected emotionally by what they witnessed I remember the weeks that followed. My mother was in her last week’s fighting her battle with cancer and we sat looking at the newspapers discussing what had happened. She was grateful for somebody to talk about anything other than the fact she was dying. Always somebody to think of others she expressed her concerns for the world my daughter (then aged four) would be growing up into.

As ever tell those you love that you love them and show kindness where possible to those that maybe you don’t!

 

Old loves

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Through our lives people will enter at various stages and leave an imprint on our hearts. As we grow older and often have time to reflect, often it is then that we truly recognise why and the impact they had.

Everything happens for a reason and we make decisions which may feel are right at that time for our own personal growth. But as my wonderful mentor used to frequently say ‘memories live longer than dreams’ and maybe the dreams we thought we wanted to chase don’t actual exist and the stars we try to reach for we actually already had.

As part of one of my  psychology study assignments I found myself confessing experiences and relationships and the fact that ‘feeling loved’ however long it lasted will of course keep us warm in our old age. Here’s hoping.

I will end on lyrics from a great musician and song writer Zarr

‘love is hard to find…I’m reaching for you but you are like the stars..far so very far.

 

Bereavement…making a difference

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Today is not the first time I have congratulated our amazing Princes William and Harry on my blog. I know like many I am behind them in their desire to help with awareness and consideration for anyone going through bereavement, especially children, and, of course, their excellent work in supporting mental health issues.

Listening to these younger members of the Royal family talk in recent interviews and documentaries it is apparrent they intend to continue to make their beloved mother proud by ‘doing something and making a difference‘.

My lovely regular followers will know that I often write about bereavement; the acceptance of death and the shock and bewilderment that bereavement brings to a child is both painful and something that often sticks with them forever.

I will end today’s blog in reminding those coping with recent bereavement that we really do keep our loved ones alive in our minds and heart and talking about them rather than denying their existence is the best way forward.  If you wish to support somebody in their personal journey give them the opportunity to talk, and, cry if they need to.

 

 

Musical bumps

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Musical bumps…and I don’t mean the game we played as children which I believe the fun police have said is now too dangerous!!

I am referring to when we hear a piece of music or a song and we are immediately transported back in time to a memory, a place or a person. These ‘bumps’ can of course be great prompts to bring back happy memories and in my work with dementia clients this can prove invaluable.

On the other hand one can hear a piece of music which may remind us of a loved one we have lost and we may feel reflective and saddened, but even those feelings are useful in helping us to allow our bereavement process and healing to continue.

Let’s face it the music score creates the scene, the atmosphere and the moods in any great film as the amazing John Williams has continued to prove over some four decades. Personally, I would be lost without my music whether it is lifting a mood or emotive to shed a tear or two.

My music list and appreciation is both long and eclectic and in case a certain man is reading my blog today…we had Barber.

Resuming studies

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Anyone who has had a break from their studies will know it can be quite a struggle to get back on the learning horse and regain one’s focus.

Even the most positive and ethusiastic students can find themselves delaying the inevitable. This week I have found myself in this very same situation, so I did the sensible thing and rang one of my support tutors to have a general chat and confess where I felt I was at!

Distance learning can be daunting but I have had a very positive experience these past few years receiving great encourament and support from the BSY Group. As I revealed yesterday to a new tutor, the personal comments I received on previous coursework always inspired me to press on. Whatever age we are – receiving praise for our achievements is always well-received and makes it all worthwhile.

My chat albeit perhaps not terribly focused (for me) nor containing any specific questions to be answered, helped me to appreciate my chosen projects this year had indeed been advance homework rather than causing delay starting my course. Working with the elderly and the young in mind has provided valuable research for my latest Psychology studies as well as giving me an opportunity to make ultimate use of my varied skills and qualifications gained with BSY. I have even ressurected gems from running a writers group many years ago within reminiscent and sensory work.

In life, I always maintain nothing should be a waste of time, even the bad experiences hopefully teach us something. Reflection gives us an opportunity to grow..if we just make time to do it.

So for any students mature or young on the run down to resuming studies; enjoy the break you have had, keep healthy and be inspired to meet the next challenge.

‘Growing up Gay’

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I have to agree with recent media comments that everyone whether Gay or not should watch Olly Alexander’s documentary ‘Growing up Gay’.  It gave a very honest insight into the many problems that teenagers have in coming to terms with sexuality. It covered bullying within schools, self harming and eating disorders as well as drug addiction.

As ever it included worrying statistics about the mental health issues that young people face and the damage and low self-esteem often from rejection by parents…sometimes leading to homelessness for many.

However, Olly also allowed cameras to film his participation in Diversity Role Model schemes being rolled out in some schools, with positive statistics that 40% of students used homophobic vocabulary before the sessions and reducing to 15% after.

Those that regular follow my blog know I do my bit to support anti-bullying and again this programme showed how students suffer in silence preferring not to tell the school or their family.

I whole heartedly agree with Olly’s comments that awareness and consideration to LBGT should form part of sex education within schools, the earlier we are encouraged to be accepting of others the better.

I know that as with other similar documentaries Olly’s will hopefully encourage those struggling to talk to somebody and get support.

Be kind to one another this weekend and remember to ask ‘how are doing?’ and be willing to listen. Be that friend.

Tell somebody you love them now

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My amazing mother and mentor frequently reminded us as children that the time to be good to somebody is when they are here. These words of wisdom spoke often were her own form of mindfulness, reminding us that today was for living and that showing those that we care in thoughts, words or deed should always be high on our personal agenda.

I have just watched a short but touchingly emotive film ‘Our hearts are bigger’. It shows how a couple dealing with Dementia write beautiful love letters to one another and read them to help the challenge of memory loss that this sad illness steals. In many ways loved ones face a type of bereavement as they are forced to accept they are losing the person they knew and loved.

Dementia, causes, prevention and on-going care is being featured within all forms of news media this week and the increased awareness is well over due.

Being isolated and having feelings of isolation are common factors and anything any of us can do to help enrich the lives of carers and dementia sufferers can really make an impact.

And, as my mother used to say in reality we can only live a day at a time so make it count.

‘A Mother’s Love’ Gospels according to Dorothy…now available from Amazon Kindle.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Annie-Manning/e/B005XXYJL0

 

 

you care

The Alzhiemer’s Society – Dementia awareness

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I had a very positive conversation with a staff member from The Alzheimer’s Society yesterday. I have to say all the contact I have had with this particular charity has been met with dedication from staff with a strong desire to provide as much help and information as possible for those in need whilst meeting their objectives to fund research for Dementia and of course increase awareness.

Having spent many years within the not-for-profit sector I know it has always been the case that awareness is as important as the fundraising they go hand-in-hand. This week is The Alzheimer’s International Conference and I have just seen comments raised by Dr Jane Fossey, Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust who echoes that research shows that positive person-centred approach can make a huge difference to the Dementia client and of course their loved ones who care for them.

I always maintain that communication is our best tool and asset in life and getting to know an individual and what they like and wish and/or need to talk about is key to success and vital in gaining trust. Never more so than when building a relationship with somebody living with Dementia.

Working with Dementia clients has been a great honour and a rewarding challenge for me this year. If you are thinking of donating to a different charity then certainly bear The Alzheimer’s Society in mind and visit their website: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk 

This year my sponsored Christmas tree at St Saviours Church St Albans will be to help with awareness for this amazing charity; with a community theme of love, kindness and understanding…that’s all any of us need.

Reflecting

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I often encourage friends and family members,  and, of course my counselling clients to stand back and reflect. All too often we think and act with our emotions rather than with our intellect then regret it later.

It is very easy to take one another for granted or even our work and a holiday away can provide us with that essential time to think about what we have, what we have achieved rather than worry about what we perceive as our failings.

Over the weekend, whilst having a break from painting the garden fence (very therapeutic) I watched ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’  wherein one of the characters advised:-

‘Distance lends enchantment to the view’ 

Indeed putting a bit of distance between ourselves and sometimes our problems or even other people can really make us appreciate the beauty in everything.

That’s a positive thought to start the week on…now to tackle the accounts.