suicide

Teenage stress

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Any parent of a teenage son or daughter in today’s society is sadly aware of just how stressful life has become for our children. There are so many stress factors facing today’s teens; exams, acceptance from peers and even pressure to try drugs and huge sensitivity surrounding their visual appearance all increased via the use and scrutiny of media.

The pressures for some, certainly outweigh all the great advantages that modern technology bring, indeed those in suypportive roles are also recognising just how disruptive and cruel modern media can be in terms of cyber bullying.

Please read my article on Innovate My School’s website:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

If you have even the smallest inclination that your child may be struggling, then quite likely they are. Ask the question, be supportive and if necessary speak to their school too as the likelihood being the answer may be easier to fathom than you realise and pastoral and tutors can help your family unit turn things around.

Remember our children are only on loan to us and we owe it to them to look out for their well-being even at times when we may not actually like them…we will always love them.

Remind them how proud we are, don’t just say it to others..this gesture of affirmation may just be what they need if feeling vulnerable or concerned about their achievements and remember not everyone can be a great academic.

Life is precious..it’s wonderful

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

As the marketing bods are already drumming into our minds it is Christmas…. I revisited one of my all-time great ‘feel good’ films:- ‘It’s a wonderful life.’

This is a must watch film dealing with the fallout when a man George Bailey has tremendous money worries and contemplates suicide and wishes he was never born. Luckily his friends and family pray so much for him that a guarding angel is sent to save him.

The guardian angel Clarence is given his assignment and asks what is wrong with the man he needs to help and he is told.

‘It’s worse than sick he’s discouraged.’

I think this will resonate with many who may feel their problems are insurmountable and it is not uncommon for men to feel suicidal over money worries. Men are programmed to be the hunter and a loss of job can not only make them lose their self-respect and sense of purpose but sadly very desperate too.

One of the best lines in the film is how the angel explains:-

‘We don’t use money in heaven.’

This reminds me of the expression ‘you can’t take your money with you when you go.’ 

So to all those tight-fisted ones out there take heed and let the moths out of your wallet and for the spendthrifts remember what really counts…not materialistic things but life itself!

Remember: We all mean something to somebody just because they haven’t said so lately most of us thankfully are loved more than we ever realise.

National Stress Awareness Day

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I have always maintained that awareness is knowledge and knowledge is power. Sadly we may apply this to our professional life but often people switch off their awareness when in the company of friends and family.

Why is this? Maybe we don’t want to pry or live in fear of not saying the right thing. What we can do though is occasionally just ask the question ‘is everything OK?’. I remember receiving sound advice at a very young age to think about other people’s 24 hours…their lives.

If somebody is maybe acting out of sorts don’t react in a negative way but try finding out what is going on as they may be really stressed about something and a few kind words and a listening ear may be just what they need to bring their stress levels down.

We never know what is troubling those we love if we don’t take the time to notice and be interested.Life can be difficult at times and remember somebody may be drowning and not just waving.

I was told once that to have that great friend you have to be that great friend.

Recently I read an article about how having a hug may be just as effective when in pain as a pain killer..I know which I prefer.

Male suicide

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Regular followers will know I often write and include the delicate subject of suicide in my bereavement blogs.

Sadly many people are uncomfortable talking about this subject which can in turn affect how supportive they are to families coping with the tragic loss of a family member.

Many of the mental health charities and organisations are encouraging people to talk about their problems and in particularly young men where suicide is one of the highest killers.

Often a young man will take heed from his own Father’s reluctance to share and talk about his emotions, but all family units should address this and soon.

Encourage your male family members to talk there is no shame in talking about our feelings and you may just save a worried teen from spiraling into depression and thoughts of a suicidal nature.

Having said this I will remind any bereaved family members facing the attempted suicide or loss in this way that feelings of misplaced blame is not uncommon and please seek support to help you through this difficult time.

Today’s new word

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I am always encouraging those around me to extend their vocabularies and learn at least one new word every day. I am reminded when my daughter was about four or five and she had forgotten what her fabulous picture dictionary was called and asked me:-

‘Mummy where is that book that knows everything?’

I think that was a brilliant description of our trusty dictionary.

I found ‘my new word’ yesterday albeit provided by Nick Clegg’s beautiful wife Miriam. It is ‘Sobremesa’ which she explained (in an article within ‘You’ magazine) in Spanish means ‘over the table’. Anybody that has eaten with me knows it will be a good few hours spent not just eating but chewing the cud. Aside of finding me my new word there were one or two of her delicious looking recipes which I will be trying.

I wonder whether the hectic life people lead and the fact that families are not always sitting around the table at the same time to eat is partly responsible for people often not really knowing their children. More importantly not being aware of what could be troubling them…as parents we must open up the dialogue on a regular basis and give our children the opportunity to speak freely about any subject. Sadly, even the families that do communicate well may not see warning signs…as sometimes there aren’t any.

Again this weekend I heard another sad story of a young teenage boy taking his own life absolutely devastating for his close family and friends and the ripples of grief spread far and wide. The increasing statistics for suicides in young men for those that know them should be sending loud alarm bells to not just parents but support networks everywhere.

I recently discussed this very subject with a mother of a young male teacher and we both agreed young men need more good role models in schools and to be encouraged to share more.

Ollie Foundation

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

The Ollie Foundation was set up by Stuart Falconer a grieving father who lost his own son Morgan only last year. Speaking to Stuart earlier today I am pleased to hear that interest and support is gathering momentum for the foundation.

I always respect anybody who turns their personal grief into positive action to help others through increased awareness. My followers know male suicide is something which I often write about.  None of us as parents and/or friends should under estimate how important it is for young men to be encouraged to share their emotions, feelings and fears.

Teens are under so much emotional pressure these days which is one of the reasons I write about the true value of CPD for teachers and intervention within the education system. Indeed I work closely with fellow counsellors and life coaches who are proactive in this area.

Please read my latest article on Innovate My School’s website: –

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/the-true-value-of-cpd

The Ollie Foundation aims to fund intervention training within schools in Hertfordshire and help remove some of the stigma attached to suicide. Having written two books on bereavement I never shun away from raising the subject of suicide nor the fact the families need even more help with coming to terms with their loss.

If you would like to find our more or feel you can help The Ollie Foundation in some way please visit:

http://www.theolliefoundation.org. 

Society generally needs to improve their attitude towards suicide it is getting better but we still have a long way to go.

 

 

Being grateful

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I think we all take our health and mobility for granted. It’s not until we suffer an injury or maybe have to care for a loved one who may suddenly become ill that we realise how much our life and freedom relies on being fit and healthy.

I often write about the affects a stroke has both physically and emotionally and how the loss of use of a limb whether temporary or permanent is in some ways like a mini bereavement.

Sometimes the simplest of injuries can render us incapable of achieving everyday simple tasks and as frustrating as that can be we must spare a thought for those people who are coping with incredible challenges every day all their lives.

Yesterday I went to to see the film ‘Me before you’ it is a beautiful film which really does make one think just how we do take our lives and abilities for granted. It also bravely and sensitively dealt with the right to choose to die. There wasn’t a dry eye in the cinema.

In life it really is about living our life a day at a time and making it count by being the best we can. Moreover trying not to take anything for granted.

 

Supporting men

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I often mention on my blog how men are not so good at sharing their thoughts, feeling and problems. Sadly this often leads to depression, drinking too much and the ruin of many a good relationship.

What we are learning in modern day society is that in many ways men are under even more pressure for one reason or another. We also know suicide is one of the biggest killers for men and money worries frequently a contributing factor. ‘The desire to provide’ it’s in their instincts to be the hunter!

 Key trends from the Samaritans Suicide Statistics Report 2016:-

  • In 2014, 6,122 suicides were registered in the UK. This corresponds to a suicide rate of 10.8 per 100,000 people (16.8 per 100,000 for men and 5.2 per 100,000 for women).
  • The highest suicide rate in the UK in 2014 was for men aged 45-49 at 26.5 per 100,000.
  • The male suicide rate decreased in the UK (by 5.6%), England (by less than 1%), Wales (by 37.6%), Scotland (by 17.6%), Northern Ireland  (by 10.2%) and Republic of Ireland (by 6.4%) between 2013 and 2014.

Talk to your partner, brother, father, son and any other male friend and just check they are not concealing an inner sadness that maybe you can help relieve.

 

Freud always said the ‘talking cure’ works…and it does.

 

‘Good Grief…Dancing in my Dreams’

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

My above bereavement project which kept being neglected is finally being considered by my publishers. It deals with the loss of two fathers my real dad and my wonderful step father. I purposely touch on the subject of suicide which still remains even more of a taboo than death itself.

I always maintain that writing is therapeutic in many ways though I am not sure how cathartic it was for me as I kept dipping in and out of it whilst working on other projects. However, it was part reflective whilst gaining my counselling qualifications and I really hope the contents will resonate and help others.

I think one of the main things about feeling bereaved is one of losing one’s sense of purpose especially if it is a parent. Knowing that we are not alone in our feelings can be a source of great comfort.

I started my blog just over a year ago to reach out to those going through the loss of a loved one and I trust my positive thoughts and emotive writing has helped my followers.

I often receive private messages confirming my posts are connecting with many and that’s really appreciated.