thinking

Reflecting

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I often encourage friends and family members,  and, of course my counselling clients to stand back and reflect. All too often we think and act with our emotions rather than with our intellect then regret it later.

It is very easy to take one another for granted or even our work and a holiday away can provide us with that essential time to think about what we have, what we have achieved rather than worry about what we perceive as our failings.

Over the weekend, whilst having a break from painting the garden fence (very therapeutic) I watched ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’  wherein one of the characters advised:-

‘Distance lends enchantment to the view’ 

Indeed putting a bit of distance between ourselves and sometimes our problems or even other people can really make us appreciate the beauty in everything.

That’s a positive thought to start the week on…now to tackle the accounts.

Life without laptop and wifi

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I made a decision to leave the laptop at home during my week away at a fab writer’s retreat. There was no wifi so no blog. I did manage to catch up on some amazing reading as part of my reflective studies including a book on Angel stories.

It is always good to get away from our usual surroundings and if possible have time to one’s self to think, plan and re-evaluate. My work this past year has included some very emotive experiences which are enabling me to make ultimate use of my counselling skills but also reminding me how lucky I am and to be grateful for what is positive in my own life.

There are times in our lives where situations occur and people that we thought we knew manage to surprise us far beyond belief and leave us wondering and questioning our viewpoint. These times albeit somewhat distressing can be life-changing and bring an opportunity to go on to better things in life maybe a bit wiser and stronger emotionally.

That old fabric of life and it’s intricate weave of patterns can certainly test us but help us to grow and re-focus our attention of what really matters. Everything evolves and sometimes at a faster pace than we could ever have anticipated.

Time to reflect is good but getting back into a sensible routine after a break or an event in our life has it’s own purpose and sense of comfort. Life is to be enjoyed one day at a time and watching the many dogs enjoying the sea on the beach last week reminded how they have mindfulness sorted…we can learn a lot in life from the animals.

 

Feline stressed

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Today I will write about animal stress and behaviour. Just returned from our fabulous local vet as one of our beloved furry family members has been over-grooming again. Only this time we haven’t seen her doing it and it is far worse. We forget that it doesn’t take too much in terms of disruption to their routine and world of comfort to upset them.

Said feline friend frets when my daughter is away at university; having been home a month we had hoped it would be better but now it would appear her over-grooming is now a pattern of behaviour too. She looks a sorry sight but seems happy enough, plays and purrs??

As I said recently when talking about humans the outward signs can be very misleading as we are all capable of putting on a brave face and this applies whether our whiskers are stubbly or long and beautiful.

Time for the plug in and a few catnip toys me thinks! As for love and affection she is never in short supply of either in our house.

So today’s blog’s message is… look for the signs that are not obvious with those you love whether they be furry, feathered or covered in skin…all three types can be oh so sensitive.

International widow’s day

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I heard that today is International Widow’s Day and regular followers will know that acknowledging grief and helping those who are bereft is dear to my heart. I just wish bereavement was met with more empathy, sensitivity and constructive recognition when my own mother was left widowed at 43 with five children.

I remember my own mother telling me how people would cross the road to avoid talking to her after my father had died suddenly. Of course this said more about their reluctance to talk about death and ‘not knowing what to say’. As I so often write there are no right or wrong words but just to let somebody who has been widowed know that you are thinking of them/or have them in your prayers if that’s appropriate for you helps.

Avoiding discussing or mentioning the person that has died helps nobody, especially the widow. Something else I always remind people to do is to go and visit after the funeral which is a time that the widow and/or her children will need you most.

Additionally continue to invite somebody who is ‘single’ to your events.. for whatever reason they are now uncoupled, and maybe being widowed being one of the sadder reasons. It is far harder to rebuild a life as a single person than those who are still part of a couple can imagine. Not all widows or divorcees are after your husband..be generous.

Don’t assume because somebody’s husband had been ill for a long time it is easer on them either because it isn’t. In many ways it is harder as they have maybe seen their partner’s deterioration and a different type of feeling of loss has already started making it difficult to grieve normally (whatever normal is!). As ever the biggest gift any of us can give is our time.

National Writing Day

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To me every day is a writing day but I must confess I love these allocated awareness days that pop up encouraging people to eat certain foods, donate to charity and maybe inspire a new or even a young writer to be creative.

I have always maintained that writing can be therapeutic..so even if you don’t intend anybody to see your efforts getting down your thoughts and feelings is never a waste of energy. For the crazier ones (like me) start a blog and get sharing. I like to think at a certain level some of my posts are helping others to recognise their feelings and, in the case of bereavement, are not alone in the grief.

Of course being a writer, and perhaps adopting a pen name gives one the opportunity to rant to the world and/or live in a time of fantasy where anything is possible.

Naturally, being an olde fashioned girlie I some times frown at how modern technology has to a certain degree stopped people communicating properly verbally but as equally sad writing properly. Let’s face it the best misuse of the wonderful English language is alive and kicking in everybody’s phone’s inbox!!

I know I am not myself if I haven’t written anything and feel almost guilty for missing a day on my blog. Thank you to all those followers who drop me a comment or a like that they have enjoyed or supported one of my daily blogs it’s great to know I am not talking to myself…or at least not all the time!

Keeping the life and work balance

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For some time now I have included career coaching naturally within my work both with corporate clients and counselling clients; for the latter it is of course no secret that problems within relationships either at work and/or at home overlap. We all need to feel valued and appreciated in all areas of our life to keep a positive balance and purpose to our life.

It is very easy for any of us to take our loved ones and/or work colleagues for granted I guess in some ways it is a compliment that we feel comfortable enough to do it…however we do so at our own peril at times. As I always maintain, it is far better to be honest and tell others how we really feel about a situation as holding back can often come back to bite us at a later date.

I know I rant about the power of communication but unless we share how we feel how can we expect others to know? Keeping the peace often seems the best option but can lead to feelings of resentment later down the line. Yes, life is a compromise but as wise lady once told me  ‘Don’t allow others to change who you are’ when we do we run the risk of living somebody else’s dream instead of our own.

It is very hard trying to keep everyone in our family,work and friendship happy..so don’t try. Better to be a giver I know but we cannot possibly be expected to be the source of everyone’s happiness it’s just too big a job for one man/woman.

We can all just aspire to doing the very best we can whilst considering the feelings of others along the way. As ever feeling grateful for what we have to enjoy today makes our own feelings of contentment easier to achieve.

 

 

 

Kindness of strangers

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Been away from my blog the past two days and even as a writer words fail me for the events this week.

However, all any of us can do is try to focus on the positive energy and feel blessed by the kindness of strangers. In the face of adversity communities pull together and as always we must be grateful to the emergency services who are first to attend when tragic events happen.

Our hearts go out to those who have lost loved ones and those that will nurse and help recover those that are injured. In addition to the visual and physical scars we of course must consider the emotional trauma that those who witnessed the situation unfold will suffer.

Many people will suffer albeit misplaced survival guilt and these emotions will not disappear overnight. We must also remember those we know who have been involved in similar tragic circumstances before as their wounds will re-open.

We can only offer help where and when we can and encourage our own loved ones to try where possible to go about their lives positively but with caution. It is of course hard for adults to make sense of it all and even more of a challenge for children who must be dealt with sensitively with age appropriate explanations.

Remember: Our security forces are doing their utmost to keep us safe and instead of criticism we must offer praise for all they do all year round.

 

Helping students

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Communication has always been the key to success whether in business, teaching or parenting. Innovate My School’s website has an amazing wealth of advice provided by experts within the education sector. I am always happy to be associated with this great procurement tool as one of their contributing writers.

Please read my latest article on combating student stress.

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/combating-student-stress-through-communication

We are all human after all…

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All credit this week to various public figures and celebrities for speaking out about their anxiety and depression issues in support of Mental Health Awareness Week.

When we are suffering in silence we have the misconception that we are alone in these emotional battles when in fact people in our inner circle or even family may be suffering too.

It is easy to see confident people or famous figures as ‘having it all’ when this is not the case. We all have a public face we like to show and unless we take the positive step to drop our guard, open up and talk our family or friends won’t know we need their support and therefore cannot help.

Talking, is, and, always has been, the best cure and as many who have shared this week talking to others with similar hurdles to overcome can be cathartic.

We know from statistics that men are far more likely to have suicidal thoughts and many act on those feelings. Please, please share your fears with somebody you trust before your thoughts spiral beyond your own control…it will help I promise.

Listening to others, a few words of kindness and understanding go a long way.

Worrying won’t change things

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Sound advice regularly given my our amazing mother and mentor. i.e. worrying about things won’t change them and that is for certain.

People spend far too much time worrying about things many of which are often out of their control, whilst we can’t leave all our life to fate we can enjoy the things that matter and spend time focusing on them rather than worrying about things that we cannot possibly change.

Mindfulness and meditation help us to lead a more positive, focused and relaxed life. Enjoying each day and what it brings, not taking the simple things for granted and appreciating those we hold dear.

Recently I was talking to a male friend about his relationship with his mother and asked him if he ever told her all the positive things he tells me about her…No he didn’t..and he got a why not? reply. We are never too old for compliments and mothers like to know they have done a good job.

Few years ago I attended a talk about body language and the speaker reminded us to tell those we love that we love them…and often.

Message today is love not worrying makes the world go round.