family

Collateral Beauty

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Yesterday I went to see ‘Collateral Beauty’ what a beautiful film and Will Smith’s portrayal of a grieving father was amazing and so emotive.

For anybody that has lost somebody dear, especially a child, will resonate with this movie. For those who are really struggling in coming to terms with the loss of a loved one the film’s message to remember the ‘collateral beauty’ is sound advice. We are all much more than we appear, we touch people’s lives in so many ways and that love and our memories continue to keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and minds.

It is never a case of getting over a loss more attempting to come to terms and accept and that takes as long as it takes and everybody’s journey is different.

If you know anybody that has lost somebody this year remember them at this time of the year as they face various anniversaries and days where pressure to be happy is nearon impossible.Behind the painted smile…

Love and appreciate those you hold dear now whilst they are around and most of all forgive and be grateful.

 

Being grateful

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It’s been the longest time that I have been away from my blog as I decided on a few days reduced technology. Instead I have focused on my chocolate eating…

I have been extremely fortunate in being surrounded by those I love this Christmas and received some truly fab gifts. Including a mug saying ‘silly old woman’..yep that’s me! Like many families we have had our difficulties to overcome even over the festive period but we managed to set those aside and enjoy each other’s company and be grateful for all that we have rather than focus on what isn’t going right – as that’s life.

This year we have had one or two unusual presents enter our home though being slightly crazy and very quirky my ones were well received! I won’t mention the really odd gift which strangely enough has been a great sense of intrique and amusement to one and all. Laughter is of course the best tonic and we are never short of that in our house mainly at my expense as my beautiful daughter thinks I am a bit wierd…

To said daughter who sometimes reads my blog I am sending heart felt wishes for a very Happy Birthday and may all your dreams and desires come true. I am prouder than words can ever say..you are indeed my best project ever.

As my own Mother used to say:

‘I love every hair on your head and there are too many to count’

Think of the mothers

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Mothers hold the family together throughout the year, multi-task all day long every day and leading up to Christmas alongside their usual duties they have to organise Christmas as well.

I felt for a Mother in the supermarket today as she struggled to get control using her best negotiating skills with two boys under ten. Having no luck whatsoever, I was impressed to see her make them both take their sweets back ‘as they didn’t deserve them’. Well done.

The job of a peacemaker isn’t an easy one at the best of times and don’t children know how to press one’s buttons just when you would rather they didn’t.

So, think of the mothers and all that they do, be nice, be thoughtful and for God sake just behave…for once!

Christmas isn’t just about what you get it is what you give and time, understanding and patience are sometimes the best options and don’t cost a penny!

Remember your mum is likely to be the best friend you ever have.

The magic of Christmas

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I had an interesting chat with a client today about how magical it is when our children believe in that man with the red and white outfit, chubby red face and white beard.

I know a family member had been concerned that there was no chimney for him to get down so how would his presents be delivered? Now that’s a darn good question from a child who has seriously thought things through. All joking apart it is a sad day, when it comes, when they realise the tooth fairy is really mum and that Father Christmas is dad dressed up.

I remember one year hiding presents in a neighbour’s house and ‘Dad’ going to collect them ready for Christmas morning, it had been snowing so subsequently there was a trail of foot prints to the door. My daughter was very excited when she saw these and that Father Christmas had indeed been…and left gifts.

Trying to keep the child within us alive becomes more difficult as we grow up but remembering those halycon days brings back that warm feeling.

I recall my last Christmas before my father died and how my mum had let me have a sneaky peek at my dolls house. I can smell that turkey cooking and if I close my eyes I can see mum having her glass of sherry as she busily prepared for the madness that was Christmas with five children.

The drinks of that era were of course babycham, snowballs and for dad it was whisky and ginger. The chocolate decorations on the tree were really brilliant in those days too, umbrellas, watches and little slithers of chocolate tied up as parcels. Anybody remember the liquorice novelties?

Mindfulness living in the moment

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I suspect December is a typical month where many of us will feel we do not have time to live in the moment, but it is really a question of making time. We all take the little things for granted being lost in the huge marketing campaign that is thrusted upon us from late summer it seems nowadays.

Christmas should be about appreciating those we love and spending time with them rather than our money. Don’t get me wrong I have spent many years working within the marketing environments but we seem to have lost our way somewhat.

Love is one sure way of remembering being in the moment as at the time of feeling love as humans we are surely at our very best.

So the gift for Christmas should be love and for those of us with big hearts our ‘bank account ‘never runs out.

For some it takes the loss of a loved one to realise what life is all about and readjust where we can the balance of work and play.

 

Finding time

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My great mentor and mother always said how one could find the time to do the things we really want to do. How true, sometimes we don’t need to find time but it’s more of a case of making time and as we get into the winter months I am reminded that a lot of elderly people will become housebound and lonely.

If you have elderly relatives make the effort to visit even half an hour of interesting input from somebody younger can put meaning into an otherwise dull day and the time will bring a welcome break into what may be a very long day.

Often the elderly can go several days without seeing anybody and that in itself can be depressing.Finding time to share warm memories and remind our relatives how they still have a place in our lives and that  their memories are important to us to.

Writing memories for the family is something we should encourage these valuable people to do so we can cherish them too long after they are no longer around.

Teenage stress

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Any parent of a teenage son or daughter in today’s society is sadly aware of just how stressful life has become for our children. There are so many stress factors facing today’s teens; exams, acceptance from peers and even pressure to try drugs and huge sensitivity surrounding their visual appearance all increased via the use and scrutiny of media.

The pressures for some, certainly outweigh all the great advantages that modern technology bring, indeed those in suypportive roles are also recognising just how disruptive and cruel modern media can be in terms of cyber bullying.

Please read my article on Innovate My School’s website:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

If you have even the smallest inclination that your child may be struggling, then quite likely they are. Ask the question, be supportive and if necessary speak to their school too as the likelihood being the answer may be easier to fathom than you realise and pastoral and tutors can help your family unit turn things around.

Remember our children are only on loan to us and we owe it to them to look out for their well-being even at times when we may not actually like them…we will always love them.

Remind them how proud we are, don’t just say it to others..this gesture of affirmation may just be what they need if feeling vulnerable or concerned about their achievements and remember not everyone can be a great academic.

Making the most of our time

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As I write today’s blog I am mindful of yesterday’s tram crash and how many families will be affected by the tragic accident. People going about their usual business on their way to work or college and a future planned.

At times like these I remember my mentor’s words about living a day at a time and being good to people when they are here. I heard these sentiments on a regular basis and for her generation surviving the London Blitz in the second world war they knew how lives could be changed in a moment for simply being at the wrong place at the wrong time. On the eve of 11/11 we will remember them.

Life is precious as are our loved ones and close friends and where possible we must ensure to live life to full and hopefully without affecting others by our actions in a negative way. We owe it to those that lost their lives in protecting our right to freedom.

As we get older ourselves we start to lose older relatives and too often their own stories die with them, I encourage families to spend time with grandparents and find out their stories to record and treasure for future generations to come. For those families faced with the challenge of family members with dementia recollecting past stories is a good way of stimulating and communicating.

Today’s objective as always is to make the most of our time in a positive and productive way whenever we can.

Bereavement -supporting children

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The bereavement journey is indeed a difficult one and never more so than for children. Death of a close relative may come at an early age and before a child has yet learned the adult vocabulary with which to express how they are feeling.

I am advised it is Grief Awareness Month for Children and my advice is not to struggle ensure you get help for yourself and your children. There are also excellent books available to help children understand in an age appropriate way. One of my favourites being ‘Badger’s Parting Gifts.’

I have a project of my own ‘A Ragdoll for Nanny’ which I am hoping to use to help a bereavement charity at some stage.  Having lost a parent at an early age and helped my own daughter with loss of grandparents very young I can speak from personal experience.

I always advise parents to let their children’s school know what is happening to gain as much support as possible. For children at senior school please look at my piece on Innovate My School’s website.

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/bereavement-helping-pupils-and-towards-recovery

Memory triggers…the very thought of you

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I frequently talk and write about emotional triggers that spur us on to remember people we have loved and lost. It may be a certain smell or even a special song that holds that magic which tugs at one’s heart strings.

These transient reminiscent bumps can be both beautiful and emotive and at times appear upsetting but my regular followers know how I feel about the value of having a cry to release bottled up emotions.

Shortly after my mother died I bought a Harry Connick Junior Album on which he sang ‘The very thought of you‘ an old Frank Sinatra number  and a favourite of mine and mum’s- sheer magic. To many this is a love song but it reminded me of my amazing mother few lines…‘I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above’.. After a close bereavement our loved one’s presence  is often felt as we try to make sense of our loss and treasure our memories.

Last night the very talented Michael Buble was singing the exactly same song and dedicated it to his Gran who had recently died. It was a beautifully produced number. So I am not alone in recognising those special words and there is more than one kind of love…both of which obviously resonated with this great songster too. 

I was asked this morning had I seen him live…only in my dreams! Swoon.