Moving forward

After the loss of a loved one it is very hard for the bereaved to move forward and accept a new era of their life without them. For many older married couples the remaining spouse may have been a full time carer for sometime and that became their life’s role.

Speaking to a recently widowed lady I know it is not uncommon for the older generation especially to do everything together and this in itself can make it hard to venture out alone in search of new hobbies.

As with retirement many people find that they at last have time to persue the interests that previously may have been out of the question. With bereavement it is so often the case that a love one will feel an unwarranted sense of guilt to be seen to enjoy themselves.

Whatever your situation it is always a one step at a time process and regaining one’s sense of purpose takes time. For anyone recently bereaved please seek help and talk honestly to those that can offer support. Remember that you do not have to be a regular church-goer to speak to a local minister they are trained professionals and bereavement support is part of their community role.

Coping with grief

In my privileged position in working with the bereaved I recognise that everyone grieves in different ways, at different times and in a family unit it is a very difficult time for all concerned.

One of the key things I have noticed is how parents hide their own feelings from their children feeling it inappropriate to cry in front of them. Of course this is to be expected and in a way for some admired but for the grieving parent who may have lost their life time partner it makes their own journey placed on hold to a certain degree.

The British way of being strong, keeping a stiff upper lip is one which frustrates me terribly and this, I speak from personal experience; as a child surrounded by adults set on surpressing their own grief and probably my own too. I always maintain to speak of our loved ones and remember them keeps them alive in our minds, our hearts and of course helps the bereavement process…to deny their existence is not only cruel but of no use to anyone.

If you know of any one mourning a loved one reach out to them and communicate, let them talk, let them cry if they need to…it’s normal. Most of all do not avoid visiting and please do not stop mentioning their loved one either – think of a funny story or a great occasion you shared.

 

The loss of a great mind

I hardly dare write my blog today in honour of the great Stephen Hawking an inspirational man not just in terms of his great scientific mind but his amazing personal journey and fight against motor neurone disease.

As a non-science girl I believe he made science accessible, interesting and inspiring to everyone. He attended the great St Albans School where for many years they have had their own Stephen Hawking’s Society through which his works have encouraged many an inquisitive young mind, and, will continue to do so.

My title for today’s blog is of course a contradiction in terms as we haven’t completely lost a great mind as he leaves such a fascinating legacy. Our generation have been fortunate to have had him as a brilliant mind challenging the way we thought about the universe and its secrets.

All forms of media will be recording his many thought provoking quotes today -following taken from an interview on Radio 4 with John Humphreys:-

‘If we discovered the complete set of laws, and understood why the universe existed, we would be in the position of God. We are making progress towards that goal, but we still have some way to go.’

 

International Women’s Day

Today I started celebrating International Women’s Day by having a ladies breakfast at the Waffle House with two of my favourite women. I am extremely fortunate in having known and worked with with some amazing women in my life many of whom have been great mentors.

I look on with pride at the younger generation of females who are so confident, sassy and non-judgemental and who have ambitions and the energy to follow their dreams. Spurred on by positive supportive mothers and great role models in other female family members and successful friends no challenge is insurmountable.

As a mother of a daughter for many reasons I realise the world can be both a cruel place and one of great opportunity and for those wanting to take the plunge and make something good of their lives…it will happen.

Last year I attended a great women’s conference where a speaker suggested that world leaders and heads of large corporates should adopt the many positive female traits of compassion, empathy, caring and sensitivity to work towards world peace and fairer and more honest business practices.

Here’s to being a women with the world at our feet.

 

A Mother’s love

The older I become the more, and I guess obviously so, my friends and extended family members are losing their parents. The loss of a Mother cuts deep and I described my own feelings at the time of just losing my sense of purpose – when I say that to the recently bereaved I always get a nod of acceptance. Bereavement brings a whole range of emotions and at times these feel so over-whelming. Some may argue it doesn’t get any easier and they are probably right but acceptance becomes stronger and we do start to remember their love and the gift they brought to us.

After being nagged by many of my friends and family I wrote my own thoughts and experiences of my own relationshipwith my mother down. It is true that writing is indeed therapeutic.

‘A Mother’s Love’ Gospels according to Dorothy is available from amazon kindle to download.  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Annie-Manning/e/B005XXYJL0

Mother-s love (1)

**Cover illustration courtesy of Paul Manning

 

Marketing mistakes

So I stand accused, and rightly so, by one follower of joining the marketing mob and promoting my kissing book around valentine’s day! My response and in my defence I think my accountant would be shouting if I hadn’t mentioned my project at this crucial opportunity -and he scares me most!

Jokingaside, my book is educational as well as amusing and therefore apt at any time of the year so I will be mentioning it more regularly. As with most writers we are the world’s worst at self-marketing – I am no exception to this weakness inspite spending many years in marketing. It is always harder to market one’s self.

As self employed individuals we spread ourself so very thin at times, especially when very few can afford to pay ‘the experts’ to do it on our behalf.

Happy monday and for those that need to… get marketing – note to self be more proactive!

The best friend

Mother-s love (1)

The best friend we may ever have may well be our own mother. Regular followers will know I often share little gems of advice from my own great mentor. After many years of quoting her words of wisdom last year I finally got around to writing some of them down. ‘A Mother’s love’ …Gospels according to Dorothy is available from Amazon Kindle  at £3.99 and includes some good spiritual advice.

Written from the heart I hope my book will help others especially those who may have lost their mother and maybe their sense of purpose. Remember we keep our loved ones alive by remembering them.  **Cover illustration courtesy of my talented nephew Paul Manning

The love of a pet

For many people who are animal lovers they may be accused at times of going over-board in terms of how they care for their pets. The reality is if you have a pet you should be prepared to look after it properly and consider all aspects of its health and wellbeing. Animals rely on you to love and protect them and ensure that all their needs are met.

Over the years we have had several cats and loved them all with each one having different characters. Our beloved maisy was a rescue cat and has given us many years of love and affection, such a sweetie but very sensitive.  Today she has been to see our lovely local vet as again she is suffering from detachment issues which manifest themselves in over-cleaning. This is part of her fretting for her human sibling proving one cannot under-estimate the love and attachment a pet feels for its family members.

My followers will remember last time we had similar problems I enjoyed the effects of the pet clamer plug in a little too much, so this time I am only plugging it in for a few hours at a time. Maisy is sat next to me whilst I am blogging and relaxing following her steroid injection. Hopefully I will be able to report that her fur reverts to its pristine condition very shortly.

So for those parents suffering from the empty nest syndrome as our children return to university following the Christmas break…remember to check the furry family members who may also be feeling the void they have left.

 

Communication let’s talk

I have lost count the times I write about communication being the key to success in any personal or business relationship, but it doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves that some people find it harder to communicate than others. This is where patience, caring and understanding step in and we can all do our bit even in our own community and within families.

A recent blog I ranted about how people in wheelchairs or disabilities are often ignored (a discussion I had earlier this week with a new friend**) additionally we agreed this can happen when people are recently bereaved as we search for the right words to offer in sympathy -there are no words but don’t avoid people either. Don’t under estimate the power of a simple hand of the arm and just saying ‘i’m thinking of you.’  **Hi Julia if you are following.

Equally, many will find it awkward to speak to somebody with dementia but there is help available. As ever I am steering my followers to the Alzheimer’s Society’s website: within their wide selection of free literature you will find easy tips to follow to enhance your relationship with, and the life of, the person living with dementia.

Being elderly can become very isolating and lonely so pop in and see that neighbour… a quick bit of engagement will make their day.

Making it count

My regular followers will know I talk often about living a day at a time and making it count. I also encourage kindness and remind people often it is a strength not a weakness.

In life, if we are lucky, special people come into our lives, our paths will cross and unexpectedly we learn so much. I am also personally aware that a dearest friend may not have necessarily been in one’s life a long time for that person to make such a difference and have a positive impact either.

For personal reasons I have been re-visiting some of my favourite poems, one of which was given to me when my mother died ‘How do you live your dash‘ an extract follows:-

‘I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of birth and spoke the later date with tears

But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time she spent alive on earth

And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth

For it matters not how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash

What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash

So think about this long and hard, are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged

If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand the way other people feel’

So, if you have people in your life that you love, then tell them so today, don’t save the words just for ‘special occasions’ as today is that special occasion!