reflective

Memory triggers…the very thought of you

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I frequently talk and write about emotional triggers that spur us on to remember people we have loved and lost. It may be a certain smell or even a special song that holds that magic which tugs at one’s heart strings.

These transient reminiscent bumps can be both beautiful and emotive and at times appear upsetting but my regular followers know how I feel about the value of having a cry to release bottled up emotions.

Shortly after my mother died I bought a Harry Connick Junior Album on which he sang ‘The very thought of you‘ an old Frank Sinatra number  and a favourite of mine and mum’s- sheer magic. To many this is a love song but it reminded me of my amazing mother few lines…‘I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above’.. After a close bereavement our loved one’s presence  is often felt as we try to make sense of our loss and treasure our memories.

Last night the very talented Michael Buble was singing the exactly same song and dedicated it to his Gran who had recently died. It was a beautifully produced number. So I am not alone in recognising those special words and there is more than one kind of love…both of which obviously resonated with this great songster too. 

I was asked this morning had I seen him live…only in my dreams! Swoon.

 

Rainbow children

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I had an interesting chat yesterday with the spiritual side of the family about Rainbow Children. I have to say the past few years I have read some amazing spiritual books about how we are evolving into a more spiritual peaceful time.

Whilst studying I became more and more aware of just how much of a guru my own mother was and after reading ‘Many lives many masters’ it just resonated and loudly so that she was indeed a master and sent for good reason.

It is a relatively easy decision to be positive in one’s approach to life and relationships though I am mindful that many find this extremely difficult. However, once automatic negative thought processes are removed any of us can lead a far more rewarding and fulfilling life and enable those around us to achieve their goals and place of contentment too.

If, as suggested one of our latest arrivals is indeed a Rainbow Child I will look forward to seeing what this certain young man becomes and just how he does his bit in the evolution of humanity.

But, as I always say all children are beautiful in their own way if just given the opportunity to shine…in their own way.

Pet bereavement

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I was pleased to see the subject of pet bereavement being discussed on daytime TV yesterday. Often people forget how attached pet owners are to their beloved pooch or moggy.

Speaking as a parent often through keeping a pet a child learns about responsibility and their first encounter with grief may indeed be through the loss of a pet hamster.

I think the mistake parents often make is in trying to protect their children’s emotions they invent strange stories as to where the deceased animal has gone to, and even replace a goldfish with another pretending it is the same one.

We cannot run from death and the earlier a child understands about loss but in a controlled way the better. There is no right age to accept or a right way of breaking bad news we just have to do the best we can.

However, there are of course great books available pitched age appropriate which can help with the loss of grandparent say. If you feel you need outside help do not feel embarrassed to ask as often you may be going through the same emotions yourself and a bereavement counsellor can help make the journey easier for both you and your child.

Happy Birthday Mum

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Today is my Mum’s birthday she would have been 94. I can think of no better way to celebrate her birthday than have an afternoon tea…

Luckily my beautiful considerate daughter had treated me and her boyfriend’s mum to an afternoon tea at Luton Hoo.

The grounds and house are amazing and the array of cakes and sandwiches were too.No counting calories or diet today. The tea flowed as we chatted and giggled and ate until our clothes were uncomfortable.

As her day comes to a close I have had a lovely catch up with her younger sister who was about to ring me we always think of each other on days like this, and as I often say death doesn’t end a relationship and our loved ones remain forever in our hearts.

Mum, where ever you are I did you proud today mmm yum cakes!

 

Elephants and Castles…observers of life

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Last night I went to see the London based band ‘Elephants and Castles’ play live at The Farmers Boy in St Albans. Great night listening to this really interesting duo who write their own material. OK so do a lot of bands… and I know I am a writer… but their lyrics really impressed me. I found myself hurriedly scribbling a few down on the back of my business cards having scrounged a pen!

The band members Chris Anderson and Rob Spencer are also both teachers with the former being a music teacher who really makes a difference to the lives of the children he works with.

Chris Anderson has been known to me for nearly twenty years and I have enjoyed attending gigs in the past with other bands including ‘Missing the Ferry’ in which he plays with three other band members two of which are his equally talented and musical brothers Kevin and Paul.

My followers know that I don’t often stray from my main blog theme but these guys deserve a mention and one particular song really resonates with me and my work with the elderly..  ‘Larry and Janet‘ is an emotive song about how changes to areas affect those that may have lived there for most if not all their life and are expected to move away from all that’s familiar. And, as their lyrics state:

‘What’s left for you and me, we don’t fit into next year’s plans. …One way ticket to the outskirts..they’re gonna push us out’

During the course of the evening I was informed by loyal fans about the inspiration of so many of their songs, these guys are keen observers of life. I was equally pleased to learn ‘Outdoor kids‘ another brilliant song was inspired by Redbourn my village!

If Chris and Rob get to see this I hope I scribbled the lyrics down correctly.. after consuming a few large glasses of wine. Thanks for making a Sunday night memorable and I will be playing your disc later.

Keep an eye on these two…they have some amazing musical messages that need to be heard!

 

 

 

Coping with loss

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This week there have been various charities and individuals thankfully increasing awareness about the loss of a child and/or baby whether this be through illness or in the early stages of pregnancy as a miscarriage. Women who have miscarried are so often not afforded the same or similar consideration or support as those women who have given birth then lost their child although it is still a traumatic loss.This delicate subject has even been aired in the House of Commons…at last!

As the ‘Loose Women’ today  have acknowledged; from the start a woman knows she is pregnant along with the usual anxieties she also has started to dream about that life and the future of that child…regardless of how many people she has chosen to tell she is pregnant.

It is no secret that many people find death and bereavement difficult subjects to discuss and as I often write this doesn’t help the person who is grieving in any way at all.

Furthermore, it is nobody’s right to tell another that their way of grieving is wrong and/or it is time they have moved on and accepted their loss. We all grieve in different ways at different speed and this should be respected.

To all those women who have lost a child or experienced a miscarriage it a pain that may get easier in time but is never forgotten and as with all emotions things will trigger a memory and the tears with flow…don’t forget it is good to cry rather than hold in one’s emotions. It is vital to talk to somebody about your feelings at whatever stage in the grieving process you are at…it really does help to share.

 

 

Alzheimer’s Society

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Yet again I am promoting the Alzheimer’s Society who have just provided me with  a second batch of amazing literature. I cannot praise their support and standard of advice enough it has been of great benefit in helping me in my own research of Dementia and in supporting those around me with loved ones facing this personal challenge.

To anybody working with and/or supporting Dementia sufferers please ensure you take full advantage of their support both in terms of material and advice.

Their helpline for England, Wales and Northern Ireland is 0300 222 1122

As their literature states they are ‘leading the fight against dementia’ and they are!

Respecting women

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I am deeply saddened by on-going reports of attacks on young girls on University Campuses and even more surprised that well-being/safety talks are either being poorly attended and/or promoted.If your University have gone to the trouble to organise these please attend.

Fortunately there are more young well-behaved gentlemen who are genuinely focused on their studies and who have been brought up to respect girls than the small minority that obviously do not.

However, as parents it is a continual worry that our young girls are at risk from the small minority who will take advantage of their vulnerability in more ways than one. There is the lad culture of not respecting women and comments made by the US Presidency candidate are totally unacceptable and disgraceful.

Sensible girls, drink in moderation and ensure they come home safely from events with the friends they arrived with. We all know how difficult it is to persuade somebody who has been attracted to somebody of the opposite sex through ‘beer goggles’ that they may be heading in the wrong direction and should come home and sober up.

Equally there are of course some girls who lead boys on intentionally or not and the lines become blurred. Please stay sober and safe and look after each other. Have fun but…in moderation.

 

Family love

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Nothing stronger than the bonds of a parent and a child and in our family that extends to aunties too. We are a spiritual lot in our family and when one of my nieces was  in labour a few years back I spent a rather unsettled morning and felt very in tune with said expectant mother…we joked about this today with her reminding me she had it far worse.

Seriously though we had another arrival this week, on Thursday evening around eleven I was tired and took myself off to bed but just couldn’t get settled and ended up coming down stairs, making tea and mooching around watching bad TV until nearly five.  What I didn’t know is my sister was also doing exactly the same at the same time.

What you may ask curiously was causing this sleepless agitated night in the family…My Nephew and Godson’s wife went into labour at eleven and our latest arrival put in an appearance Friday morning.

We are all thrilled to welcome another dolly into the family…the next generation and I wish my great niece a long, healthy and exciting life which I will enjoy observing.

Thanks to those angels who watched over our lovely new mum giving a safe delivery and a beautiful daughter.

Birthdays

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Lordy another birthday and I have posted on a facebook birthday wish that I am getting older and wider. It’s the truth.

I am so fortunate to have such lovely friends and family who have been spoiling me all week. My house looks like a florist, more chocolate yum… but my best gift is my lovely daughter home for a girly day.

We may have more than one reason to celebrate family baby due and it would be grand if she (I think it’s a she) or he makes an appearance today.

Those that know me also know its a bittersweet day for our family and I am mindful that whilst it’s got easier.. we all still think of my wonderful mum, not just this day but everyday.

Love, support and cherish those you hold dear.