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Breaking the taboo

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We must salute our two Princes for making their documentary about their mother and once again being brave enough to break the taboo subject of bereavement. Great respect for the next Royal generation who have raised awareness for both bereavement charities and mental health.

For far too long people have been uncomfortable talking about and acknowledging death as I write so often this unhealthy attitude does nothing to help those who are trying to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. We keep them alive in our hearts and our minds and by talking about their lives and celebrating them actually helps us through the pain of bereavement.

Death does not end a relationship. There are never the right words but don’t under estimate the value of just touching somebody’s hand and telling them that you are thinking of them. Personal engagement and contact was something that Princess Diana did so readily and made a difference touching lives.

A Mother’s love and instinct

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They say there is nothing to match the love of a mother for her child and recent research has proven that part of a baby’s brain DNA is transposed to it’s mother whilst in the womb. This may indeed explain the strong bond and natural instinct as in when we sense our child is in trouble though the miles may keep us apart.

I always encourage those around me to learn a new word every day and my own word today is ‘arohanui’ which is word from the Maori language and I am reliably informed that it means:-

‘A love so big it is an ocean’

Those of us lucky enough to be parents will know that to be true..to the moon and back we so often say too.

I had an amazing relationship with my own mother and some of this magic and pearls of wisdom I have captured in my own book now available from Amazon Kindle:-

‘A Mother’s Love’..Gospels according to Dorothy.

‘Growing up Gay’

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I have to agree with recent media comments that everyone whether Gay or not should watch Olly Alexander’s documentary ‘Growing up Gay’.  It gave a very honest insight into the many problems that teenagers have in coming to terms with sexuality. It covered bullying within schools, self harming and eating disorders as well as drug addiction.

As ever it included worrying statistics about the mental health issues that young people face and the damage and low self-esteem often from rejection by parents…sometimes leading to homelessness for many.

However, Olly also allowed cameras to film his participation in Diversity Role Model schemes being rolled out in some schools, with positive statistics that 40% of students used homophobic vocabulary before the sessions and reducing to 15% after.

Those that regular follow my blog know I do my bit to support anti-bullying and again this programme showed how students suffer in silence preferring not to tell the school or their family.

I whole heartedly agree with Olly’s comments that awareness and consideration to LBGT should form part of sex education within schools, the earlier we are encouraged to be accepting of others the better.

I know that as with other similar documentaries Olly’s will hopefully encourage those struggling to talk to somebody and get support.

Be kind to one another this weekend and remember to ask ‘how are doing?’ and be willing to listen. Be that friend.

Sara Payne – A Mother’s Story

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I watched last night’s programme on Channel Five ‘A Mother’s Story’ a documentary about Sara Payne, her family and the loss of her lovely daughter Sarah.

I had the great privilege of meeting Sara many years ago at an event run by The Stroke Association one of my chosen charities. Not only is she an inspirational woman who managed to change the law for the benefit of all our children, but also an extremely humble lady. She was a guest speaker encouraging others to be proactive and positive -this was not long before she suffered her own stroke.

The loss of a child is an unbearably sad journey and one which nevers leaves a parent, I know my own aunt never really recovered from the loss of my cousin in a tragic accident. I am reminded by the words of a wise and loving lady who told me once that;-

‘Our children are only on loan to us and that we should love them and hold them dear.’

I have read Sara’s book of the same title and will definitely be ordering a copy of  ‘Letters to Sarah.’ We all benefit from those who are brave enough to share their experiences and that in itself takes great courage.

 

 

Tell somebody you love them now

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My amazing mother and mentor frequently reminded us as children that the time to be good to somebody is when they are here. These words of wisdom spoke often were her own form of mindfulness, reminding us that today was for living and that showing those that we care in thoughts, words or deed should always be high on our personal agenda.

I have just watched a short but touchingly emotive film ‘Our hearts are bigger’. It shows how a couple dealing with Dementia write beautiful love letters to one another and read them to help the challenge of memory loss that this sad illness steals. In many ways loved ones face a type of bereavement as they are forced to accept they are losing the person they knew and loved.

Dementia, causes, prevention and on-going care is being featured within all forms of news media this week and the increased awareness is well over due.

Being isolated and having feelings of isolation are common factors and anything any of us can do to help enrich the lives of carers and dementia sufferers can really make an impact.

And, as my mother used to say in reality we can only live a day at a time so make it count.

‘A Mother’s Love’ Gospels according to Dorothy…now available from Amazon Kindle.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Annie-Manning/e/B005XXYJL0

 

 

you care

The Alzhiemer’s Society – Dementia awareness

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I had a very positive conversation with a staff member from The Alzheimer’s Society yesterday. I have to say all the contact I have had with this particular charity has been met with dedication from staff with a strong desire to provide as much help and information as possible for those in need whilst meeting their objectives to fund research for Dementia and of course increase awareness.

Having spent many years within the not-for-profit sector I know it has always been the case that awareness is as important as the fundraising they go hand-in-hand. This week is The Alzheimer’s International Conference and I have just seen comments raised by Dr Jane Fossey, Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust who echoes that research shows that positive person-centred approach can make a huge difference to the Dementia client and of course their loved ones who care for them.

I always maintain that communication is our best tool and asset in life and getting to know an individual and what they like and wish and/or need to talk about is key to success and vital in gaining trust. Never more so than when building a relationship with somebody living with Dementia.

Working with Dementia clients has been a great honour and a rewarding challenge for me this year. If you are thinking of donating to a different charity then certainly bear The Alzheimer’s Society in mind and visit their website: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk 

This year my sponsored Christmas tree at St Saviours Church St Albans will be to help with awareness for this amazing charity; with a community theme of love, kindness and understanding…that’s all any of us need.

Reflecting

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I often encourage friends and family members,  and, of course my counselling clients to stand back and reflect. All too often we think and act with our emotions rather than with our intellect then regret it later.

It is very easy to take one another for granted or even our work and a holiday away can provide us with that essential time to think about what we have, what we have achieved rather than worry about what we perceive as our failings.

Over the weekend, whilst having a break from painting the garden fence (very therapeutic) I watched ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’  wherein one of the characters advised:-

‘Distance lends enchantment to the view’ 

Indeed putting a bit of distance between ourselves and sometimes our problems or even other people can really make us appreciate the beauty in everything.

That’s a positive thought to start the week on…now to tackle the accounts.

Life without laptop and wifi

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I made a decision to leave the laptop at home during my week away at a fab writer’s retreat. There was no wifi so no blog. I did manage to catch up on some amazing reading as part of my reflective studies including a book on Angel stories.

It is always good to get away from our usual surroundings and if possible have time to one’s self to think, plan and re-evaluate. My work this past year has included some very emotive experiences which are enabling me to make ultimate use of my counselling skills but also reminding me how lucky I am and to be grateful for what is positive in my own life.

There are times in our lives where situations occur and people that we thought we knew manage to surprise us far beyond belief and leave us wondering and questioning our viewpoint. These times albeit somewhat distressing can be life-changing and bring an opportunity to go on to better things in life maybe a bit wiser and stronger emotionally.

That old fabric of life and it’s intricate weave of patterns can certainly test us but help us to grow and re-focus our attention of what really matters. Everything evolves and sometimes at a faster pace than we could ever have anticipated.

Time to reflect is good but getting back into a sensible routine after a break or an event in our life has it’s own purpose and sense of comfort. Life is to be enjoyed one day at a time and watching the many dogs enjoying the sea on the beach last week reminded how they have mindfulness sorted…we can learn a lot in life from the animals.

 

End of exams..where’s my flip flops

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The examination period is finally coming to an end for invigilators and students. It has been a long hot summer for many and I am mindful for all students as they now have the anticipated wait for the results of said exams. You have done your best (hopefully) and remember if you don’t get that first option at university the second may end up being the better option for you in the longer term.

Now is the time to recharge those batteries, wind down and have some fun. I say that with a degree of caution reminding students not to over do things, after exams one can feel run down and it is easy to feel unwell.

I think we have all experienced the holiday flu as our body sighs a relief that it is starting to relax…prime time for bugs to creep in. I am telling myself the exact same things as I wind down for a well deserved break away in Cornwall. The nature of my work, which although an enjoyable challenge takes its toll and I will try to practice what I preach about taking time out to do the things we enjoy.

Packing goodies for my retreat, plenty of treats and good reading material, last three months writers news (never get time to read that!!)..just incase the weather is unkind. Who knows I may even get time to write some poetry – I am inspired by a lovely new writer friend who is a talented writer of Haiku works.

No broadband at my cottage; so off line for emails and away from the blog but will return bursting with energy and full of cream teas!

Keep healthy and be happy fellow bloggers and my lovely followers – life is short so have that naughty ice cream..you know you want to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Support charities

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In whichever area one has chosen as a career path we must continue to be mindful and recognise our limitations and when we need to refer a matter onto another professional or organisation. Never more so,  than in the area of counselling.

With the ever increasing cases of childhood abuse in the public eye those who have suffered a childhood trauma are finally finding a voice. Thankfully there are some amazing support charities around with helplines manned by great counsellors who can help them through the process as an adult rather than through the eyes of a frightened child.

Today, as part of my own research and development I contacted The Survivors Trust and was met with great advice from an experienced and positive counsellor.  For those in need or supporting a friend or family member please visit their website: http://www.thesurvivorstrust.org. Their helpline is: 0808 8010818

Nobody needs to suffer in silence and/or feel they are alone talking things through really does help..albeit one tiny step at a time.