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Bereavement is a painful journey

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At my age I am surrounded by friends and extended family members who are sadly losing parents and other elderly relatives and friends. On the positive side people are living longer although the end of their life may then be challenging with health issues.

As I reminded a lovely close friend today;  however difficult it is we mustn’t allow grief to consume us but try to remind ourselves of positive aspects of our loved one’s life and character. Moreover remember to be grateful for the small things in our own lives that daily we too often take for granted.

As any good publication or article on mindfulness will suggest take time to enjoy even the simplest of activities whether that be doing the crossword, drinking your coffee or savouring that last square of chocolate. Doing something for you is not selfish it’s self-preservation.

The fast pace of life and the technological world in which we live keep us racing through life rather than living it to its best. As I also reminded a young working mother earlier today: Our crazy schedule is actually within our control if we so choose…and breathe easy.

 

Keep signing

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Thank you to all my friends and colleagues who found time to sign the OPA’s petition yesterday. Please keep signing and circulate if you feel able to support.

Never under-estimate what we the people can do when we join hands and make those in power listen.

Preventative rather than cure especially in health is a no-brainer and can help reduce the NHS ever increasing costs.

The Oesophageal Patients Association

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The OPA give great support to and raise awareness of Oesophageal health issues.

Their newsletter dropped into my mailbox this morning and I am asking my friends, followers and fellow bloggers to sign their Heartburn Medication Petition. The link can be found below:-

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/177322

The petition has been launched to apply pressure on the Government to ensure that all packets/bottles of heartburn medication carry a warning on the importance of consulting one’s GP if symptoms persist for more than three weeks.

I fully support this movement, when I cleared my Mother’s home out there wasn’t a handbag or drawer that didn’t have an indigestion remedy in it…perhaps if her symptoms had been given the attention they deserved she would not have spent her last year or so suffering the horrendous effects of cancer.

Remember: Oesophageal problems if left untreated can lead to all sorts of longer term serious health issues. Taking remedies is not the answer that just treats the symptoms not the problem, listen to your body, get a proper examination and ignore the adverts.

Please circulate the link and help this patients association make a difference.

The Little book of Kisses

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My kindle book  ‘The Little Book of Kisses’ is available to download from Amazon. Written in my pen name Dolly Christmas giving a comical insight into the magical world of kissing.

little-book-of-kisses

What the world needs now is more humour and definitely more kissing!

At £3.50 a great Valentine’s gift or fun time read…life get’s just too serious.

Male depression

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At last there is more public interest and awareness f or support and acknowledging male depression. As discussed during ‘This Morning’ TV show phone in there are so many men who find it hard to approach friends when suffering emotional problems.

It is not a weakness but a strength to open up and ask for help, that in itself takes real courage. The old tradition of men not discussing problems needs to change to allow those in need to feel able to seek help from friends and family.

Those who are feeling troubled and having suicidal thoughts should talk to a professional if they can, seek out help from local support groups and not be afraid to admit they are not coping. Giving the option those that love you really want to know how you are feeling and have the opportunity to help.

It has always been a case of a problem shared and vocalising how one feels rather than just remaining in a dark place alone in one’s mind really helps. Changes don’t happen over night but tiny steps to a more positive place is far easier than most imagine.

 

 

Cat comfort

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I often write on my blog about pet bereavement but today I would like to promote the value of owning and loving a pet. Cats and dogs provide great friendship, unconditional love and often bring a sense of calm into a family unit. I know my own feline friends always sense when I am either upset or unwell. It is proven statistically that owning and stroking a pet helps lower blood pressure and they are great companions for the elderly especially those that live on their own.

There have been many books written about the magical relationships cats have brought to residential home residents. Indeed when inspecting and viewing a series of homes for the elderly recently, I was very taken with one small unit which had its own resident moggy.

Additionally, those people that have dogs and walk them not only keep their pets healthy, get regular exercise themselves but also maintain contact with their local community which increases their wellbeing.

Cat and dog homes are often full to bursting and giving a home to an unwanted animal can bring great joy into their new owner’s life. Let’s not forget the great work all the working dogs do in helping those with disabilities often giving back independence.

 

Changing times

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Today I discussed with a colleague how times had changed within education. We spoke about how previously teachers could hit children with a cane, throw black board rubbers at their heads and even wash their mouths out with soap for swearing.The latter I witnessed myself… I kid you not!

Thankfully we have come a long way and teachers are better behaved and hopefully so are the children. My colleague was in her 80’s and interested to learn about safeguarding and how staff are not meant to be ‘touching’ children -and those of us who have had safeguarding training know that even when administering first aid one has to be mindful and only act appropriately.

Equally teachers are now coping with far more stress factors than in our day at school aside of  league tables; drugs, self-harming and of course cyber-bullying not all changes are for the better and life is not easy for our teenagers. The opportunities are vast but the pressures are too.

The main advice is to keep an open communication line and take an active interest in one’s children not just their friendship groups but their well-being too. Parenting the most rewarding yet difficult assignment you will ever be given.

Having patience

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Past few days I have been struggling with technology setting up a new website having lost mine before Christmas and thought I had saved all my visuals which now seem to be inaccessible! Things that one thinks will be relatively easy and straightforward often turn out to be all consuming.

I am mindful of Mum’s phrase ‘never be beaten by man or machine’ but stopping now for a chocolate treat.

Oh well if I’m snowed in I should get this done by next Christmas. SOH almost in tact.

Feeling healthier and fighting stress

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At the start of the year we all make various promisess to ourselves about being happier, being more successful, being fitter, slimmer etc the list is endless. The trouble is maybe we set too many challenges at once and set ourselves up to fail.

Ideally and honestly be more realistic in what you want to achieve and set yourself a realistic time frame in which to work to. Tiny steps that are easy to manage and maintain will always work better. Sometimes we are inspired by that summer holiday to eat healthier and trim down but whilst those targets are good they are too often not changes for life.

For those really wanting to make a difference to how they feel and look the diet and exercise change has to be life-long to really feel the benefits not just visually but physically. Healthy mind, healthy body … understanding why and when we eat the wrong things (comfort eating) it will be easier to then change our relationship with food for the better and, longer term, is without the best way.

Often people get into a cycle of feeling lethargic through eating all the wrong things then feeling too sluggish to exercise and so the cycle begins. We all go through periods of denial and excuse making but once we regain a healthier state we achieve more and therefore feel less stressed.The cycle we then reach and live within is one of positivity and healthy well-being.

Let’s make 2017 the year to feel healthier and happier it’s actually far easier than you fear.

Memories

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Aside of my various writing projects wherein I often talk about keeping loved ones alive in our hearts when talking about bereavement I believe it is vital to celebrate the life of those we lose.

Whilst feeling sad at the passing of a loved one it really does help the grieving process to remember the  funny times and their personal achievements rather than focus on the way they died. As I have shared personally many times my mother’s life wasn’t cancer and I have always preferred to recall the many gifts she gave us her love, her time and her wisdom.

Many people also find comfort in preparing a memory board of photographs to look at, reflect and hold onto positive memories.

Where ever you are in your own bereavement journey remember your loved one would want you to go on living your life to the full.