bereavement

Cat comfort

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I often write on my blog about pet bereavement but today I would like to promote the value of owning and loving a pet. Cats and dogs provide great friendship, unconditional love and often bring a sense of calm into a family unit. I know my own feline friends always sense when I am either upset or unwell. It is proven statistically that owning and stroking a pet helps lower blood pressure and they are great companions for the elderly especially those that live on their own.

There have been many books written about the magical relationships cats have brought to residential home residents. Indeed when inspecting and viewing a series of homes for the elderly recently, I was very taken with one small unit which had its own resident moggy.

Additionally, those people that have dogs and walk them not only keep their pets healthy, get regular exercise themselves but also maintain contact with their local community which increases their wellbeing.

Cat and dog homes are often full to bursting and giving a home to an unwanted animal can bring great joy into their new owner’s life. Let’s not forget the great work all the working dogs do in helping those with disabilities often giving back independence.

 

Pet Bereavement

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Close friends have sadly lost a beloved pet recently and my regular followers will know I often speak about pet bereavement. Non-animal-lovers can be dissmissive and do not realise for many pets are family members and losing them is a sad time.

Having and loving pets are often a child’s first experience about being partly responsible for something and may often be their first experience of bereavement too.

Dogs and cats provide unconditional love and many rewards and can be great companions for people who live alone too. I have often gone with elderly people to the vets when they sadly have had to have their pet put to sleep and equally visited animal rescue centres to chose a new furry family member.

Those that know me are aware I feel a house is not a home without a cat.

To those who have lost a pet focus on the good life they have had in your loving care and most importantly remember it’s good to cry rather than suppress our emotions.

Where is your heaven?

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I remain sitting on the fence as to whether or not there is a heaven. I know my mother believed there was such a place but reminded us to make our own heaven here on earth…sound advice.

After a long day of paperwork and ruthlessly clearing out lots of home office ‘stuff’. paperless society?? Not in my home.  I treated myself to a relax and came across a beautiful film on Netflix. ‘Heaven is for real’. Based on a true story of a young boy who not only had a near death experience but felt he had visited heaven.

Fot those of my followers who are fighting their chocolate addiction..that is not Thorntons or Hotel Chocoate either!

When working through a spiritual healing course I read many an emotive book on similar subjects and if your faith leads you to the conclusion that heaven does exist all well and good.

For today I am concentrating on organising my life here on earth and living it as positively and lovingly as I can.

True reflection of society

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I know that many of the writers for soaps will feel justified in their story lines as being a true reflection of today’s society…if this is the case for last night’s Eastenders then things have become very dark. In just one episode we saw attempted suicide, self-harming and drug abuse. Sadly these are all things which many people  are struggling to control.

I often write about suicide on my blog especially in young men which is where the large proportion of stats lay. I am not therefore criticising the soap writers but all credit to them for being brave enough to tackle these issues albeit it sad viewing.

I am a great advocate in awareness of any type rather than for the troubles facing the young remaining taboo.We ignore them at our own peril.

However, I would like to see our young feeling happier about their life and  focusing on the opportunities that present themselves rather than being dragged down by what they may feel are their failings..more often than not people in depression just need to talk and feel heard.

My blog message today is cherish those around you and if a family member needs help then encourage them to get it, don’t leave them struggling. Life is good but sometimes in the rush of life we just get lost along the way and simply forget.

I wish all my fellow bloggers and followers a very healthy and happy new year and if financial rewards come too all well and good.

For those who have had a difficult 2016 I say go all out in 2017, follow your dreams and kick some butt! Have fun and remember laughing is as good as a tonic and for those that like the occasional Gin add in a measure of that too!

 

 

Collateral Beauty

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Yesterday I went to see ‘Collateral Beauty’ what a beautiful film and Will Smith’s portrayal of a grieving father was amazing and so emotive.

For anybody that has lost somebody dear, especially a child, will resonate with this movie. For those who are really struggling in coming to terms with the loss of a loved one the film’s message to remember the ‘collateral beauty’ is sound advice. We are all much more than we appear, we touch people’s lives in so many ways and that love and our memories continue to keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and minds.

It is never a case of getting over a loss more attempting to come to terms and accept and that takes as long as it takes and everybody’s journey is different.

If you know anybody that has lost somebody this year remember them at this time of the year as they face various anniversaries and days where pressure to be happy is nearon impossible.Behind the painted smile…

Love and appreciate those you hold dear now whilst they are around and most of all forgive and be grateful.

 

The magic of Christmas

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I had an interesting chat with a client today about how magical it is when our children believe in that man with the red and white outfit, chubby red face and white beard.

I know a family member had been concerned that there was no chimney for him to get down so how would his presents be delivered? Now that’s a darn good question from a child who has seriously thought things through. All joking apart it is a sad day, when it comes, when they realise the tooth fairy is really mum and that Father Christmas is dad dressed up.

I remember one year hiding presents in a neighbour’s house and ‘Dad’ going to collect them ready for Christmas morning, it had been snowing so subsequently there was a trail of foot prints to the door. My daughter was very excited when she saw these and that Father Christmas had indeed been…and left gifts.

Trying to keep the child within us alive becomes more difficult as we grow up but remembering those halycon days brings back that warm feeling.

I recall my last Christmas before my father died and how my mum had let me have a sneaky peek at my dolls house. I can smell that turkey cooking and if I close my eyes I can see mum having her glass of sherry as she busily prepared for the madness that was Christmas with five children.

The drinks of that era were of course babycham, snowballs and for dad it was whisky and ginger. The chocolate decorations on the tree were really brilliant in those days too, umbrellas, watches and little slithers of chocolate tied up as parcels. Anybody remember the liquorice novelties?

Remembering loved ones

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The past few months have been extremely emotive for many relatives and friends in my circle. There’s always such a pressure at Christmas to be happy, when perhaps one is not. Samaritans are bringing awareness to this fact today confirming that such a large percentage of us are sad at Christmas but do things to make others happy.

We all cope with our emotions in our own way and life is constantly busy which sometimes prevents people from releasing maybe their grief openly. As I remind people going through bereavement there are no rules, or schedule or one size fits all.

However, we should all be able to grieve the way we want to, privately if that’s what we prefer and remembering those we have loved and lost in a way we feel is appropriate to respect that person and in our own way.

We can go many months moving forward and suddenly something will trigger a memory and we will feel the loss again, this may be a song, or a smell or a nonsensical memory. If this trigger makes us cry it’s no bad thing either these controlled emotions need to be released. Hanging on to emotions only leads to stress related illness or sleepless nights.

My message today is talk to people about how you feel and remember nobody has the right to dictate to others how they choose to grieve. Finally, remember that those we love and have lost would want us to go on living and loving as that’s the best tribute to their memory. We keep them alive in our hearts and that’s all anyone can expect.

Grief Encounter

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Children’s grief awareness is something I like to support. Grief Encounter an amazing support charity were featured on TV today. I met the founder members at a bereavement conference many years ago and salute the work and what they have achieved to date.

If you have children who are going through bereavement please do not let them struggle, seek support and counselling there is help and advice available and as I have said before there are many great books which can help explain in appropriate language how to deal with their feelings.

Keeping their loved one’s memory alive is imperative as opposed to avoiding talking about their lost relative.  The process for everybody is different and if, as a parent you are dealing with your own grief as well as comforting a child it is not easy.

Leonard Cohen

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Saddened today at the loss of Leonard Cohen a great poet and song writer. This brilliant artist inspired so many people throughout his long career and very few of us will not have heard at last one version of his classic song ‘hallelujah’.

The comfort to his loyal fans spanning over fifty years plus is he will always remain alive in his works and in our hearts.

He was blessed with both brilliance and spirituality and led an amazing life.

Life is precious..it’s wonderful

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As the marketing bods are already drumming into our minds it is Christmas…. I revisited one of my all-time great ‘feel good’ films:- ‘It’s a wonderful life.’

This is a must watch film dealing with the fallout when a man George Bailey has tremendous money worries and contemplates suicide and wishes he was never born. Luckily his friends and family pray so much for him that a guarding angel is sent to save him.

The guardian angel Clarence is given his assignment and asks what is wrong with the man he needs to help and he is told.

‘It’s worse than sick he’s discouraged.’

I think this will resonate with many who may feel their problems are insurmountable and it is not uncommon for men to feel suicidal over money worries. Men are programmed to be the hunter and a loss of job can not only make them lose their self-respect and sense of purpose but sadly very desperate too.

One of the best lines in the film is how the angel explains:-

‘We don’t use money in heaven.’

This reminds me of the expression ‘you can’t take your money with you when you go.’ 

So to all those tight-fisted ones out there take heed and let the moths out of your wallet and for the spendthrifts remember what really counts…not materialistic things but life itself!

Remember: We all mean something to somebody just because they haven’t said so lately most of us thankfully are loved more than we ever realise.