bereavement

Feline stressed

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Today I will write about animal stress and behaviour. Just returned from our fabulous local vet as one of our beloved furry family members has been over-grooming again. Only this time we haven’t seen her doing it and it is far worse. We forget that it doesn’t take too much in terms of disruption to their routine and world of comfort to upset them.

Said feline friend frets when my daughter is away at university; having been home a month we had hoped it would be better but now it would appear her over-grooming is now a pattern of behaviour too. She looks a sorry sight but seems happy enough, plays and purrs??

As I said recently when talking about humans the outward signs can be very misleading as we are all capable of putting on a brave face and this applies whether our whiskers are stubbly or long and beautiful.

Time for the plug in and a few catnip toys me thinks! As for love and affection she is never in short supply of either in our house.

So today’s blog’s message is… look for the signs that are not obvious with those you love whether they be furry, feathered or covered in skin…all three types can be oh so sensitive.

International widow’s day

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I heard that today is International Widow’s Day and regular followers will know that acknowledging grief and helping those who are bereft is dear to my heart. I just wish bereavement was met with more empathy, sensitivity and constructive recognition when my own mother was left widowed at 43 with five children.

I remember my own mother telling me how people would cross the road to avoid talking to her after my father had died suddenly. Of course this said more about their reluctance to talk about death and ‘not knowing what to say’. As I so often write there are no right or wrong words but just to let somebody who has been widowed know that you are thinking of them/or have them in your prayers if that’s appropriate for you helps.

Avoiding discussing or mentioning the person that has died helps nobody, especially the widow. Something else I always remind people to do is to go and visit after the funeral which is a time that the widow and/or her children will need you most.

Additionally continue to invite somebody who is ‘single’ to your events.. for whatever reason they are now uncoupled, and maybe being widowed being one of the sadder reasons. It is far harder to rebuild a life as a single person than those who are still part of a couple can imagine. Not all widows or divorcees are after your husband..be generous.

Don’t assume because somebody’s husband had been ill for a long time it is easer on them either because it isn’t. In many ways it is harder as they have maybe seen their partner’s deterioration and a different type of feeling of loss has already started making it difficult to grieve normally (whatever normal is!). As ever the biggest gift any of us can give is our time.

National Writing Day

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To me every day is a writing day but I must confess I love these allocated awareness days that pop up encouraging people to eat certain foods, donate to charity and maybe inspire a new or even a young writer to be creative.

I have always maintained that writing can be therapeutic..so even if you don’t intend anybody to see your efforts getting down your thoughts and feelings is never a waste of energy. For the crazier ones (like me) start a blog and get sharing. I like to think at a certain level some of my posts are helping others to recognise their feelings and, in the case of bereavement, are not alone in the grief.

Of course being a writer, and perhaps adopting a pen name gives one the opportunity to rant to the world and/or live in a time of fantasy where anything is possible.

Naturally, being an olde fashioned girlie I some times frown at how modern technology has to a certain degree stopped people communicating properly verbally but as equally sad writing properly. Let’s face it the best misuse of the wonderful English language is alive and kicking in everybody’s phone’s inbox!!

I know I am not myself if I haven’t written anything and feel almost guilty for missing a day on my blog. Thank you to all those followers who drop me a comment or a like that they have enjoyed or supported one of my daily blogs it’s great to know I am not talking to myself…or at least not all the time!

A Mother’s Love

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I still find on a day to day basis whether writing, counselling or just talking with friends over dinner I never fail to mention my amazing mentor, my mother.

As a family we were extremely fortunate to have such a strong character guiding us through life. I finally got around this year to writing some of her teachings down.

‘A Mother’s Love‘ Gospels according to Dorothy is available to download from Amazon kindle under my own name (Annie Manning) rather than one of my pen names! I hope my regular followers will enjoy reading this emotive project and find one or two gems to help them too.

Mother-s love (1)

 

Father’s Day

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Father’s day tomorrow and I know like many of my friends and family members who no longer have these special men around to celebrate with that these marketing led days are a big reminder.

There was a phone in yesterday of what would you like to tell your father if he was still alive. A nice idea though the time to be good to people and tell them we love them and/or discuss what really matters is when they are still with us in body, mind and spirit rather than when we are keeping their memory alive in our hearts.

I know so many people have regrets about not mending bridges with parents and if we lose them suddenly that opportunity has been missed. So if you are lucky enough to still have your dad around then have that chat, tell him you love him and not just on birthdays and fathers day!

As I write my blog today I am looking at a photo of my daughter aged three weeks being bathed by her dad having previously waved them off this morning for a pre-father’s day lunch outing.

Earlier today I was having a quick tidy round and had a good long look at my own father’s photo, he died when I was only seven so I feel that always qualifies me to tell others to appreciate theirs!  It is also coming up to his birthday and he would have been 95.

So if distance is a problem miles or relationship wise pick up the phone and call yours today.

 

Spirit of London

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Yet again London has been hit by terrible tragic events the past two days and yet again in the face of adversity we see bravery and kindness beyond imagination. As ever we must be proud and grateful to our emergency services and as many before me have said ‘as people run away from events the fire crews, police force and ambulance staff push forward and do an amazing job.’

Also the generosity of strangers wanting to help in practical ways with food, clothing etc and  the immediate emergency fundraising. This is of course reminiscent  of the blitz and I recall my own mother (a Londoner) saying the comradeship couldn’t be beaten, people cared and supported each other.

Times like this makes us all count our blessings and remember people are important material things are not!

Tuesdays are scary..sharing our feelings

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Yesterday afternoon I shared a wonderful moment with a neighbour’s dog bounding across the drive excitedly full of love and happiness. An old girl, rescued and sadly abused but as with all dogs offers unconditional love and has mindfulness down to a fine art..live in the moment and be happy.

However, Tuesday is trauma day for our tom cat as the refuge men collect the various recycling and rubbish bins…noisily. My boy makes no secret of how this makes him feel he stays in doors and makes it clear he needs comforting from me.

If only human beings could be as honest as animals with their feelings eh? Too often people suffer in silence and don’t share how they feel with those that would rather know and truly want to help.

Sadly there are not always obvious signs when people are depressed and many cover well and have a PR face.

My message today is tell those you love them, show them that you love them and ask if they are OK, give them the opportunity to say ‘actually I’m not’  and be prepared to listen.

Living safely..because of our Police

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Once again we have seen amazing demonstrations of bravery, love and kindness in the face of adversity in response to unforgiveable actions at the weekend. We all have family who live and/or visit London on a regular basis and our first thoughts are to see they are safe. Mine were thankfully, but our hearts go out to anybody who has lost loved ones, watching those they love recover in hospital from their injuries or comforting those that witnessed the events unfold. The ripples are widespread.

All our emergency services have, as always, done us proud. Where do we ever see such a efficient response in eight minutes…I’ve waited longer on the phone to many an organisation.  Yet, we will still see people wanting to criticise our Police, their actions are governed daily by intricate laws, many of which do not apply to today’s society and, as we know often with a shortage of staff. However, where London is concerned last Saturday all the emergency services were on the spot and treating and helping people within minutes and in many cases putting their own lives at risk.

What an amazing visual seeing a Police Officer dancing with children at the Manchester One Love concert..our Police are human, brilliant and often taken for granted. We can only go on with our lives in the safe knowledge we have such dedicated individuals and that should never be forgotten.

I have always argued that we need Police visuality it will always acts as a deterrent and not just in inner cities but rural villages too.

Tell Mum…chocolate brownies go with everything!

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Today I shared a moment on media with an old school chum, blog follower too. In the absence of my great Mum being around I shared my little educational success I had received as a mature student.

The older we get we miss those loved ones more not less and I often find myself wanting to share something with my mum…these are all natural feelings of course. The biggest gift is to love with all your heart and to remember that love is a gift in itself.

Aside of talking achievements I shared the discovery of a new ice cream…equally as important I would say.  Coconut ice cream with lime sorbet yum! Whatever flavour icecream..don’t you find that a chocolate brownie goes with it??? Indeed, a chocolate brownie goes with everything and that’s a fact known to serious choccy lovers.

Oh come on fellow bloggers and faithful followers I cannot be serious every day and my random blogs are posted just to see if anybody is actually paying attention. To those still taking exams it is a medical fact that chocolate is good for you…I read it in a book so it must be true surely!

It is now Pimms o’clock so signing off.

 

 

Kindness of strangers

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Been away from my blog the past two days and even as a writer words fail me for the events this week.

However, all any of us can do is try to focus on the positive energy and feel blessed by the kindness of strangers. In the face of adversity communities pull together and as always we must be grateful to the emergency services who are first to attend when tragic events happen.

Our hearts go out to those who have lost loved ones and those that will nurse and help recover those that are injured. In addition to the visual and physical scars we of course must consider the emotional trauma that those who witnessed the situation unfold will suffer.

Many people will suffer albeit misplaced survival guilt and these emotions will not disappear overnight. We must also remember those we know who have been involved in similar tragic circumstances before as their wounds will re-open.

We can only offer help where and when we can and encourage our own loved ones to try where possible to go about their lives positively but with caution. It is of course hard for adults to make sense of it all and even more of a challenge for children who must be dealt with sensitively with age appropriate explanations.

Remember: Our security forces are doing their utmost to keep us safe and instead of criticism we must offer praise for all they do all year round.