elderly

Time passes quickly

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This week for many friends and family there has been nothing but sad news. Sometimes in life it feels like there is a cluster of negative things happening around of us and of course it is. This is life but so too are all the great days and weeks that we have flying past trouble free and which we all take for granted.

When we lose people close to us it makes us reflect on our own lives and hopefully drives us to make the best of what we have and be the best we can be. Living a day at a time realistically that is all any of us can do and fretting over things won’t make them go away.

Focusing our energies on doing what we enjoy, achieving our dreams and remembering to have fun and laugh are the best remedies for survival. Laughter is of course the best tonic and I am aware that some of the daft things I say and do cause those around me to be at times a bit surprise, embarrassed but at least it makes them laugh.

I played a funny trick on a close friend last week and we are both still giggling like school girls and why not! Being over fifty doesn’t mean we have to a) behave like it b) dress like it and c) lose our sense of humour. Anyway I am still deciding what I am going to be when I grow up… for now I am just a recyled teenager!!

After a day of serious work I will join friends tonight to put the worlds to right, eat crisps (unhealthy I know) and laugh.

Time passes quickly so make the most of every day and yes housework can wait.

Touching lives

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During our lives we will meet many people along the way some remain and some are just passing. Some we remain friends with the rest of our lives and they became part of our chosen family.

These ‘adopted family’ touch our lives in so many ways and more often than not enrich them albeit in tiny ways and we enjoy their company every time we meet up. I wonder do we ever tell them how special they actually are and the impact they have had on our lives though?

This weekend a close family friend died suddenly and has always been present at any family special ocassion…to us he was family and I sincerely hope he realised that. He was the epitome of a gentleman and was indeed a gentle man.

For family members who follow my blog you will know who I am referring to and we all know he will forever hold a special place in our hearts. No doubt he will soon be laughing in heaven with our beloved mum and sharing stories.

 

 

Accepting change and loss

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I boldy write and say on a regular basis that for stroke survivors and carers of people with dementia challenges that loss of use of limbs, speech or memory can be like a mini-bereavement and not to be taken lightly. This applies not only to the patient/client/sufferer but to family members,friends and carers who have to come to terms with the reality that part of the person they knew and loved may be lost, sometimes temporarily and sometimes it is a gradually process and permanent.

When supporting people through the bereavement process I often remind them that perhaps the cancer or heart problems which may have led to the loss of a family member or friend is not who they were…that is what they had. Similarly accepting the challenges a stroke survivor has to live with will help them tremendously.

For the bereaved; to help the grieving process focusing on the good memories and the achievements and life the person led is a positive step. Remembering the good times and even the really funny times can help. Remember our loved one would not want us to only be sad when we recalled them. I know my sister and I enjoy having a girly lunch and giggling at things our mum said and done..in doing so we are keeping her alive in our minds and our hearts.

Denying the existence of someone we loved and have lost doesn’t help but celebrating their life does, but that can take time and that can be the real challenge. Acceptance doesn’t happen overnight and talking to other people in a similar situation really can help as realisation sets in that you are not alone in your struggle. You can’t beat a bit of support with genuine empathy there is no need to feel alone.

 

Being supportive

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I have just returned from a great brunch with my life coach pal where we share experiences ‘generically’ of projects we are working on and specific areas of counselling we are involved in and researching.

We are both mindful that whether we are working with a stroke survivor, a bereavement client or a teenager suffering with stress that there is always a family unit that are also trying as best they can to support the individual having counselling or coaching.

The more assistance and support a family can receive the better the chances of recovery and this may include extended family and teachers. Awareness is always essential to ensure that allowances are made in a constructive way and as we know information is power.

An additional factor a counsellor has to always bear in mind is not to break any confidentialities to any parties and at times this can be met with objections but trust takes time to earn and is vital to the process and to allow us to remain professional at all times and codes of ethics.

There is no reason to struggle with emotional problems there is help available and the first brave step is recognising you need help and then asking for it.

International Holocaust Memorial Day

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I am mindful today that all over the world people will be acknowledging and remembering the terrible crimes against individuals during the second world war.

My own mother knew girls within the rag trade in London who worked alongside girls who bore the numbers as well as the horrendous mental scars from the prison camps.

We must never allow these atrocities to be forgotten and for those that lost friends and relatives, for some whole families we send our prayers, forgiveness for such cruelty is a big ask.

Prejudice and ignorance at its possible worst.As I discussed earlier this week with a minister friend we are all a mixture of ancestors from various religous beliefs and nationalities so what’s the issue?

Writing is therapeutic

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Writing as we know can be extremely therapeutic even if nobody reads what you have written. In writing down your thoughts and emotions you are starting to let them go and you will feel lighter.

Over the years I have run writers groups and been amazed at the honesty as well as the talent apparent ‘non-writers’ have and how well they express their emotions when given the chance.

Poetry is often a fun way for some as they can keep their thoughts limited to a word count or pattern of their own choice. However, the emotion and personal message will come through strongly, even irony and comedy when applied can help us make sense of what previously may have been too painful to discuss.

Keeping a journal and/or writing a blog is a great way to have a rant and start collating material to reflect on at a later date. Additionally writing down happy thoughts and reasons to be grateful can help us keep a positive balance and be mindful on a regular basis.

Being kind and grateful

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It has always been and will always be the case that to have that good friend you have to be that good friend. Being supportive and kind to others lays down the best foundation to move forward. We all have our bad days and some people have bad months or even bad years where a cluster of events beyond their control can consume them. When going through the times of challenge we turn to good friends who remind just where our strength and, where appropriate, our faith lies to draw on and help get us through.

This week I seem to be having some excellent heart to heart conversations with various family members and colleagues. Sometimes during times of bereavement in the midst of our despair we also begin to acknowledge what matters most, how not to allow little things to upset us but more importantly to be grateful for the good things in our life that daily we too easily take for granted.

There is no doubt in my mind experiencing the loss of a parent at a very early age made my own family closer and a realisation hit home (literally) that one never knows what is around the next corner. We were all raised to be mindful by an amazing mentor (our Mother) and to live a day at a time and live it well… love and laugh often as the fridge magnets say!

Remember kindness is indeed a strength and not a weakness -my own personal mantra.

My publication ‘A Mother’s love‘ will be available very soon

Looking back

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During my remiscent works with my lovely elderly clients I enjoy looking back at old  black and white photos of yester-years and finding inspiration quotes by various celebrities and politicians of the time which we then discuss.

Today I came across a great quote made in 1924 by the then Director General of the BBC

‘He who prides himself on giving what he thinks the public wants is often creating a fictious demand for low standards which he will then satisfy’ John Reith

I think a lot of people in various business sectors applied and still apply this mantra…sadly so

Set the bar higher I say.

Stroke Awareness

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For many years I have tried whenever possible to help with stroke awareness through my writing and supporting stroke survivors. I often compare the feelings of having had a stroke to a mini-bereavement as the survivor and their family come to terms with maybe the loss of limbs and/or their speech and recovery can be a slow progress.

Stroke patients often suffer, understandably so, from depression too as any illness which is life-changing needs patience and supportive care. Having a positive attitude obviously helps but having to cope with challenges even temporary ones is no easy task.

I cannot recommend The Stroke Association enough their website gives easy access to great and practical literature. Other support charities and local support groups are brilliant so whether you are survivor yourself or helping a family member or friend in recovery then please ensure you seek the help that is available.

‘The Mail on Sunday‘ featured a great article written by Andrew Marr who suffered a serious stroke a few years back.  He is truly inspirational and his piece is very honest and reveals amazing treatment he received in the US which has increased his own spirits and his walking progress.

Being content

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Every where we look we are being given advice on diet, exercise and how to avoid stress. The secret to healthy mind and body is partly to be content and grateful. respect yourself and your own wellbeing and then you are of course better placed to help others.

A great deal of the success and longevity of the older generations has been, I was told today,was that they didn’t have great expectations and were more content with what they had. Definitely some truth in that, material things are not important we just get tricked into thinking we must have the lastest gadget, phone or accessory.

I remember somebody saying ‘the younger generation know the price of everything and the value of nothing’  -this all sounds very cynical and negative but to a certain degree this is also true and we must all take some responsibility for that too.

Being mindful and grateful on a day to day basis calms the mind and in turn helps us to achieve more and in a more orderly and productive manner. We place ourselves under personal stress by taking on too much we just don’t always realise it.