elderly

Bereavement is a painful journey

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At my age I am surrounded by friends and extended family members who are sadly losing parents and other elderly relatives and friends. On the positive side people are living longer although the end of their life may then be challenging with health issues.

As I reminded a lovely close friend today;  however difficult it is we mustn’t allow grief to consume us but try to remind ourselves of positive aspects of our loved one’s life and character. Moreover remember to be grateful for the small things in our own lives that daily we too often take for granted.

As any good publication or article on mindfulness will suggest take time to enjoy even the simplest of activities whether that be doing the crossword, drinking your coffee or savouring that last square of chocolate. Doing something for you is not selfish it’s self-preservation.

The fast pace of life and the technological world in which we live keep us racing through life rather than living it to its best. As I also reminded a young working mother earlier today: Our crazy schedule is actually within our control if we so choose…and breathe easy.

 

The Oesophageal Patients Association

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The OPA give great support to and raise awareness of Oesophageal health issues.

Their newsletter dropped into my mailbox this morning and I am asking my friends, followers and fellow bloggers to sign their Heartburn Medication Petition. The link can be found below:-

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/177322

The petition has been launched to apply pressure on the Government to ensure that all packets/bottles of heartburn medication carry a warning on the importance of consulting one’s GP if symptoms persist for more than three weeks.

I fully support this movement, when I cleared my Mother’s home out there wasn’t a handbag or drawer that didn’t have an indigestion remedy in it…perhaps if her symptoms had been given the attention they deserved she would not have spent her last year or so suffering the horrendous effects of cancer.

Remember: Oesophageal problems if left untreated can lead to all sorts of longer term serious health issues. Taking remedies is not the answer that just treats the symptoms not the problem, listen to your body, get a proper examination and ignore the adverts.

Please circulate the link and help this patients association make a difference.

Cat comfort

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I often write on my blog about pet bereavement but today I would like to promote the value of owning and loving a pet. Cats and dogs provide great friendship, unconditional love and often bring a sense of calm into a family unit. I know my own feline friends always sense when I am either upset or unwell. It is proven statistically that owning and stroking a pet helps lower blood pressure and they are great companions for the elderly especially those that live on their own.

There have been many books written about the magical relationships cats have brought to residential home residents. Indeed when inspecting and viewing a series of homes for the elderly recently, I was very taken with one small unit which had its own resident moggy.

Additionally, those people that have dogs and walk them not only keep their pets healthy, get regular exercise themselves but also maintain contact with their local community which increases their wellbeing.

Cat and dog homes are often full to bursting and giving a home to an unwanted animal can bring great joy into their new owner’s life. Let’s not forget the great work all the working dogs do in helping those with disabilities often giving back independence.

 

Memories

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Aside of my various writing projects wherein I often talk about keeping loved ones alive in our hearts when talking about bereavement I believe it is vital to celebrate the life of those we lose.

Whilst feeling sad at the passing of a loved one it really does help the grieving process to remember the  funny times and their personal achievements rather than focus on the way they died. As I have shared personally many times my mother’s life wasn’t cancer and I have always preferred to recall the many gifts she gave us her love, her time and her wisdom.

Many people also find comfort in preparing a memory board of photographs to look at, reflect and hold onto positive memories.

Where ever you are in your own bereavement journey remember your loved one would want you to go on living your life to the full.

Pet Bereavement

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Close friends have sadly lost a beloved pet recently and my regular followers will know I often speak about pet bereavement. Non-animal-lovers can be dissmissive and do not realise for many pets are family members and losing them is a sad time.

Having and loving pets are often a child’s first experience about being partly responsible for something and may often be their first experience of bereavement too.

Dogs and cats provide unconditional love and many rewards and can be great companions for people who live alone too. I have often gone with elderly people to the vets when they sadly have had to have their pet put to sleep and equally visited animal rescue centres to chose a new furry family member.

Those that know me are aware I feel a house is not a home without a cat.

To those who have lost a pet focus on the good life they have had in your loving care and most importantly remember it’s good to cry rather than suppress our emotions.

OUR PERSONAL DREAMS

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The dreams we have are so important to us even if at times we shelve them as life gets in the way of our personal ambitions..but they will come back to haunt us and remind us not to give up on them.

A few quotes to treasure:-

‘But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly because you tread on my dreams.’

W B Yeats.

‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams’

Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s never too late to follow your dreams…

 

 

Winding down the year

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In the midst of wondering whether there is anybody important we have forgotten to buy for, or any elderly relative or friend we have forgotten to find time to visit many of us will be winding down the year in the lead up to Christmas.

Often as one year closes and another starts many of us start a little bit of emotional spring cleaning…and a jolly good job too. I  am mindful that 2016 has been a challenge for many and it may difficult to summon up enthusiasm for next year.

However, concentrating on what we have achieved as opposed to the disasters we may have had to overcome is the best way to put a little spring into one’s step and look at the ‘still to do list’ with a fresh and positive pair of eyes. A few mulled wines may help this.

Seriously, and personally, a lot of my projects have not gone quite according to plan and/or the optimistic time schedule..but hey ho not all is lost there’s always next year. I am a great believer that delays happen for some good reason which will become crystal clear one day.

My tip for today is to not allow the pressure of Christmas nor the over indulging to allow ourselves to feel lethargic and worn out emotionally. Instead enjoy the Christmas festivities, rec-charge the batteries and skip into the new year.

Remember realistically  we can only ever live a day at a time so make it count.

Wow I’m positive for a Monday..maybe it’s because my visits to the elderly today have reminded me how stoic and amazing many of that generation are..they put the younger generations to shame in how they bounce back against all odds.

Stimulating memories

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As part of my own on=going research into Alzheimer’s and Dementia I am reading through a colleague’s copy of an excellent toolkit to help understand and prevent..in theory some of the symptoms and challenges those who suffer are meeting daily.

Yesterday, I decided to re-watch ‘ The Notebook‘ a beautiful love story about a husband’s dedication to help his wife through living with dementia. It is a well-loved and well-know creative piece and a weepie.

The husband never gives up on his wife and much to the disbelief of doctors she can play some music from memory. One line that always sticks with me (said emotively by the husband played by James Garner) in defence of his faith in her ability to remember and in defiance of the medics:-

‘Science only goes so far…then comes God’

In my own work wth dementia clients music is a great trigger for stimulating memories and encouraging a silent sufferer to beceome more vocal and happier.

Remembering loved ones

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The past few months have been extremely emotive for many relatives and friends in my circle. There’s always such a pressure at Christmas to be happy, when perhaps one is not. Samaritans are bringing awareness to this fact today confirming that such a large percentage of us are sad at Christmas but do things to make others happy.

We all cope with our emotions in our own way and life is constantly busy which sometimes prevents people from releasing maybe their grief openly. As I remind people going through bereavement there are no rules, or schedule or one size fits all.

However, we should all be able to grieve the way we want to, privately if that’s what we prefer and remembering those we have loved and lost in a way we feel is appropriate to respect that person and in our own way.

We can go many months moving forward and suddenly something will trigger a memory and we will feel the loss again, this may be a song, or a smell or a nonsensical memory. If this trigger makes us cry it’s no bad thing either these controlled emotions need to be released. Hanging on to emotions only leads to stress related illness or sleepless nights.

My message today is talk to people about how you feel and remember nobody has the right to dictate to others how they choose to grieve. Finally, remember that those we love and have lost would want us to go on living and loving as that’s the best tribute to their memory. We keep them alive in our hearts and that’s all anyone can expect.

Finding time

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My great mentor and mother always said how one could find the time to do the things we really want to do. How true, sometimes we don’t need to find time but it’s more of a case of making time and as we get into the winter months I am reminded that a lot of elderly people will become housebound and lonely.

If you have elderly relatives make the effort to visit even half an hour of interesting input from somebody younger can put meaning into an otherwise dull day and the time will bring a welcome break into what may be a very long day.

Often the elderly can go several days without seeing anybody and that in itself can be depressing.Finding time to share warm memories and remind our relatives how they still have a place in our lives and that  their memories are important to us to.

Writing memories for the family is something we should encourage these valuable people to do so we can cherish them too long after they are no longer around.