family

Not to worry

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

 

Some people are born worriers and will never grasp that worrying about things will not change them or give them control. Indeed half of our worries we never have. A few years ago I attended an interesting talk about body language and the speaker Vic Botterill gave a statistical break down on our worries or should I say what we perceive as our worries.

40% will never happen

30% related to the past which one cannot do anything about

12% unfounded health concerns

10% too petty to even worry about

4% substantially beyond our control

Totalling a resounding 96% leaving 4% so not much to worry about then!

*Stats courtesy of Vic Botterill

Seriously, though many people spend far too much time stressing over the small stuff and as a close family member said recently since facing bereavement it helps one to put things into perspective.

Of course there is another way to help with matters causing you anxiety and that is of course to talk about them. The old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.

There has been a lot of press coverage of late encouraging people to be happy, grateful and to communicate more and that doesn’t mean via facebook or texting. Indeed the modern technology that everybody allows to run their lives leaves many young people facing feelings of negativity and many feeling their life isn’t as beautiful or as good as everyone else’s.

The reality is those images are not the real life and often people hide behind the smile of their selfies. So my message for the weekend is to go out and live your life and have real conversations with real people and, teens, trust me you won’t learn valuable social skills being glued to your phone!

Tell those you love that you love them and if appropriate what is worrying you as they would want to know.

Vic…if you are reading my blog today have a great weekend.

Remembering William

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I know that today is cancer awareness day and the valuable work the various charities do to support families and raise funds for research is to be saluted.

There are very few families that haven’t been touched by cancer and in our family we have had more than our share. However, we must be positive in increasing awareness and encouraging those that suspect they have a health problem to get it checked as soon as possible as quite likely it may well turn out not to be something sinister. Equally if cancer is discovered early it can be cured in many cases. Being fearful can often prevent us from thinking logically.

Oddly enough today was my Step Father William’s birthday. Billy to us and sadly he died from cancer but as I remind people on a regular basis the illness is not the person… that is what he had. He was a remarkable man who was step father to two families in his life and they all loved and admired him greatly. Step parents so often get bad preess, with many deservedly so..but to my family members who follow my blog I will ask them to take a moment today and remember Billy fondly as the gentle giant of a man he was.

For those nursing loved ones I send my thoughts and spiritual hug as I know how difficult this journey can be. Long term illnesses also affect the grieving process to a certain degree as we already mourn our loved one before they die and their passing often comes as a blessing.

But as I was reminded earlier this week at least it gives us an opportunity to say good bye to somebody we love.

 

‘A Mother’s Love’

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

This week I am busy doing the final editing of my own tribute to my amazing mother.

‘A Mother’s Love’ (Gospels according to Dorothy) A work of love which I have been working on the past few years giving a small insight into how a woman left widowed with five children selflessly raised them to be positive caring individuals. This will be available shortly from Amazon so keep following my blog. A little taster:-

‘They say there is nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her children and for the really lucky ones amongst us aside of that bond may come a lifetime of the best mentoring one can receive and, of course, a beautiful friendship.

The advice given selflessly by a mother is based on her own wisdom, life’s experiences and driven by pure love and a desire to help you reach your potential safely and feeling secure in that love.’

Being a mother is such a rewarding if not challenging role.

 

 

 

Keeping healthy

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

We all know that we take our health for granted and push our bodies sometimes to the limit. If, however, you have had and survived serious illness your attitude towards the value of good health and one’s spiritual wellbeing changes…and for the better.

Modern day people never take recovery seriously and often rush back to work too soon, sometimes this is not just about the financial burdens we all face but that we are on the run from the emotional element of being ill and feeling vulnerable.

Today I have had an interesting chat with a family member and we exchanged honestly how we have both felt after coming through serious illness and agreed that people do need to feel grateful and take life a little easier.

Getting in touch with one’s spiritual self is really beneficial and often this can be enhanced by reading the great works of others who have completed a spiritual journey.

Relaxing with a book not only keeps us writers from starving…you are never alone when you are reading but you may find an inner peace depending what you read and escaping from our own life with a book for an hour or two is a mini-holiday.

Balancing our life with relaxation and exercise will keep both mind and body healthy.

I always joke when I have been studying that I am doing my mental exercise. Great!

Accepting change and loss

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I boldy write and say on a regular basis that for stroke survivors and carers of people with dementia challenges that loss of use of limbs, speech or memory can be like a mini-bereavement and not to be taken lightly. This applies not only to the patient/client/sufferer but to family members,friends and carers who have to come to terms with the reality that part of the person they knew and loved may be lost, sometimes temporarily and sometimes it is a gradually process and permanent.

When supporting people through the bereavement process I often remind them that perhaps the cancer or heart problems which may have led to the loss of a family member or friend is not who they were…that is what they had. Similarly accepting the challenges a stroke survivor has to live with will help them tremendously.

For the bereaved; to help the grieving process focusing on the good memories and the achievements and life the person led is a positive step. Remembering the good times and even the really funny times can help. Remember our loved one would not want us to only be sad when we recalled them. I know my sister and I enjoy having a girly lunch and giggling at things our mum said and done..in doing so we are keeping her alive in our minds and our hearts.

Denying the existence of someone we loved and have lost doesn’t help but celebrating their life does, but that can take time and that can be the real challenge. Acceptance doesn’t happen overnight and talking to other people in a similar situation really can help as realisation sets in that you are not alone in your struggle. You can’t beat a bit of support with genuine empathy there is no need to feel alone.

 

Being supportive

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I have just returned from a great brunch with my life coach pal where we share experiences ‘generically’ of projects we are working on and specific areas of counselling we are involved in and researching.

We are both mindful that whether we are working with a stroke survivor, a bereavement client or a teenager suffering with stress that there is always a family unit that are also trying as best they can to support the individual having counselling or coaching.

The more assistance and support a family can receive the better the chances of recovery and this may include extended family and teachers. Awareness is always essential to ensure that allowances are made in a constructive way and as we know information is power.

An additional factor a counsellor has to always bear in mind is not to break any confidentialities to any parties and at times this can be met with objections but trust takes time to earn and is vital to the process and to allow us to remain professional at all times and codes of ethics.

There is no reason to struggle with emotional problems there is help available and the first brave step is recognising you need help and then asking for it.

International Holocaust Memorial Day

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I am mindful today that all over the world people will be acknowledging and remembering the terrible crimes against individuals during the second world war.

My own mother knew girls within the rag trade in London who worked alongside girls who bore the numbers as well as the horrendous mental scars from the prison camps.

We must never allow these atrocities to be forgotten and for those that lost friends and relatives, for some whole families we send our prayers, forgiveness for such cruelty is a big ask.

Prejudice and ignorance at its possible worst.As I discussed earlier this week with a minister friend we are all a mixture of ancestors from various religous beliefs and nationalities so what’s the issue?

Writing is therapeutic

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Writing as we know can be extremely therapeutic even if nobody reads what you have written. In writing down your thoughts and emotions you are starting to let them go and you will feel lighter.

Over the years I have run writers groups and been amazed at the honesty as well as the talent apparent ‘non-writers’ have and how well they express their emotions when given the chance.

Poetry is often a fun way for some as they can keep their thoughts limited to a word count or pattern of their own choice. However, the emotion and personal message will come through strongly, even irony and comedy when applied can help us make sense of what previously may have been too painful to discuss.

Keeping a journal and/or writing a blog is a great way to have a rant and start collating material to reflect on at a later date. Additionally writing down happy thoughts and reasons to be grateful can help us keep a positive balance and be mindful on a regular basis.

Being kind and grateful

~ credo2014 ~ 1 Comment

It has always been and will always be the case that to have that good friend you have to be that good friend. Being supportive and kind to others lays down the best foundation to move forward. We all have our bad days and some people have bad months or even bad years where a cluster of events beyond their control can consume them. When going through the times of challenge we turn to good friends who remind just where our strength and, where appropriate, our faith lies to draw on and help get us through.

This week I seem to be having some excellent heart to heart conversations with various family members and colleagues. Sometimes during times of bereavement in the midst of our despair we also begin to acknowledge what matters most, how not to allow little things to upset us but more importantly to be grateful for the good things in our life that daily we too easily take for granted.

There is no doubt in my mind experiencing the loss of a parent at a very early age made my own family closer and a realisation hit home (literally) that one never knows what is around the next corner. We were all raised to be mindful by an amazing mentor (our Mother) and to live a day at a time and live it well… love and laugh often as the fridge magnets say!

Remember kindness is indeed a strength and not a weakness -my own personal mantra.

My publication ‘A Mother’s love‘ will be available very soon

Choices for women

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

Like many I have been appalled at some of the verbal abuse certain people in power have directed at women and/or the vulnerable. No names mentioned, but latest discussion on affecting the freedom of choice for women to have a termination of pregnancy for fear of ‘punishment’ is beyond belief.

Without getting into the reasoning behind specific religious beliefs and respecting those that maintain those beliefs there are many reasons why a woman should have the choice and be supported in that choice without shame. This ‘choice’ may be enforced following unwanted attention in the form of a sexual attack culminating in an unwanted pregnancy and/or for medical reasons or just personal circumstances.

In the same day we see women having to petition for the right not to be forced to wear high heels to work -again sheer madness. I am old enough to remember when girls were not allowed to wear trousers to work in the bank until the staff union stepped in.

In a fast growing world or progress it does seem unbelievable that we have to go backwards in terms of people being able to live their life the best they see fit the way they see fit.

 

Meanwhile we all run the risk of being killed by idiots using their mobile phones whilst driving or being in charge of a drone which can cause an airplane to crash, the latter reports are on the increase… now that is worrying. Let’s focus our attentions on the real law breakers putting us all at risk.