As Valentine looms the shops are full of cards and the usual chocolate hearts..but how about something different this year?
‘The Little Book of Kisses’ by Dolly Christmas is now available to download to Kindle from Amazon. At £3.50 is a good fun book for somebody you love or if you fancy having a chuckle about the joys of kissing. To quote an ex-boyfriend ‘Kissing is serious fun!’
Cover illustration by Paul Manning
We all know that we take our health for granted and push our bodies sometimes to the limit. If, however, you have had and survived serious illness your attitude towards the value of good health and one’s spiritual wellbeing changes…and for the better.
Modern day people never take recovery seriously and often rush back to work too soon, sometimes this is not just about the financial burdens we all face but that we are on the run from the emotional element of being ill and feeling vulnerable.
Today I have had an interesting chat with a family member and we exchanged honestly how we have both felt after coming through serious illness and agreed that people do need to feel grateful and take life a little easier.
Getting in touch with one’s spiritual self is really beneficial and often this can be enhanced by reading the great works of others who have completed a spiritual journey.
Relaxing with a book not only keeps us writers from starving…you are never alone when you are reading but you may find an inner peace depending what you read and escaping from our own life with a book for an hour or two is a mini-holiday.
Balancing our life with relaxation and exercise will keep both mind and body healthy.
I always joke when I have been studying that I am doing my mental exercise. Great!
I boldy write and say on a regular basis that for stroke survivors and carers of people with dementia challenges that loss of use of limbs, speech or memory can be like a mini-bereavement and not to be taken lightly. This applies not only to the patient/client/sufferer but to family members,friends and carers who have to come to terms with the reality that part of the person they knew and loved may be lost, sometimes temporarily and sometimes it is a gradually process and permanent.
When supporting people through the bereavement process I often remind them that perhaps the cancer or heart problems which may have led to the loss of a family member or friend is not who they were…that is what they had. Similarly accepting the challenges a stroke survivor has to live with will help them tremendously.
For the bereaved; to help the grieving process focusing on the good memories and the achievements and life the person led is a positive step. Remembering the good times and even the really funny times can help. Remember our loved one would not want us to only be sad when we recalled them. I know my sister and I enjoy having a girly lunch and giggling at things our mum said and done..in doing so we are keeping her alive in our minds and our hearts.
Denying the existence of someone we loved and have lost doesn’t help but celebrating their life does, but that can take time and that can be the real challenge. Acceptance doesn’t happen overnight and talking to other people in a similar situation really can help as realisation sets in that you are not alone in your struggle. You can’t beat a bit of support with genuine empathy there is no need to feel alone.
I have just returned from a great brunch with my life coach pal where we share experiences ‘generically’ of projects we are working on and specific areas of counselling we are involved in and researching.
We are both mindful that whether we are working with a stroke survivor, a bereavement client or a teenager suffering with stress that there is always a family unit that are also trying as best they can to support the individual having counselling or coaching.
The more assistance and support a family can receive the better the chances of recovery and this may include extended family and teachers. Awareness is always essential to ensure that allowances are made in a constructive way and as we know information is power.
An additional factor a counsellor has to always bear in mind is not to break any confidentialities to any parties and at times this can be met with objections but trust takes time to earn and is vital to the process and to allow us to remain professional at all times and codes of ethics.
There is no reason to struggle with emotional problems there is help available and the first brave step is recognising you need help and then asking for it.
Writing as we know can be extremely therapeutic even if nobody reads what you have written. In writing down your thoughts and emotions you are starting to let them go and you will feel lighter.
Over the years I have run writers groups and been amazed at the honesty as well as the talent apparent ‘non-writers’ have and how well they express their emotions when given the chance.
Poetry is often a fun way for some as they can keep their thoughts limited to a word count or pattern of their own choice. However, the emotion and personal message will come through strongly, even irony and comedy when applied can help us make sense of what previously may have been too painful to discuss.
Keeping a journal and/or writing a blog is a great way to have a rant and start collating material to reflect on at a later date. Additionally writing down happy thoughts and reasons to be grateful can help us keep a positive balance and be mindful on a regular basis.
It has always been and will always be the case that to have that good friend you have to be that good friend. Being supportive and kind to others lays down the best foundation to move forward. We all have our bad days and some people have bad months or even bad years where a cluster of events beyond their control can consume them. When going through the times of challenge we turn to good friends who remind just where our strength and, where appropriate, our faith lies to draw on and help get us through.
This week I seem to be having some excellent heart to heart conversations with various family members and colleagues. Sometimes during times of bereavement in the midst of our despair we also begin to acknowledge what matters most, how not to allow little things to upset us but more importantly to be grateful for the good things in our life that daily we too easily take for granted.
There is no doubt in my mind experiencing the loss of a parent at a very early age made my own family closer and a realisation hit home (literally) that one never knows what is around the next corner. We were all raised to be mindful by an amazing mentor (our Mother) and to live a day at a time and live it well… love and laugh often as the fridge magnets say!
Remember kindness is indeed a strength and not a weakness -my own personal mantra.
My publication ‘A Mother’s love‘ will be available very soon
For many years I have tried whenever possible to help with stroke awareness through my writing and supporting stroke survivors. I often compare the feelings of having had a stroke to a mini-bereavement as the survivor and their family come to terms with maybe the loss of limbs and/or their speech and recovery can be a slow progress.
Stroke patients often suffer, understandably so, from depression too as any illness which is life-changing needs patience and supportive care. Having a positive attitude obviously helps but having to cope with challenges even temporary ones is no easy task.
I cannot recommend The Stroke Association enough their website gives easy access to great and practical literature. Other support charities and local support groups are brilliant so whether you are survivor yourself or helping a family member or friend in recovery then please ensure you seek the help that is available.
‘The Mail on Sunday‘ featured a great article written by Andrew Marr who suffered a serious stroke a few years back. He is truly inspirational and his piece is very honest and reveals amazing treatment he received in the US which has increased his own spirits and his walking progress.
Every where we look we are being given advice on diet, exercise and how to avoid stress. The secret to healthy mind and body is partly to be content and grateful. respect yourself and your own wellbeing and then you are of course better placed to help others.
A great deal of the success and longevity of the older generations has been, I was told today,was that they didn’t have great expectations and were more content with what they had. Definitely some truth in that, material things are not important we just get tricked into thinking we must have the lastest gadget, phone or accessory.
I remember somebody saying ‘the younger generation know the price of everything and the value of nothing’ -this all sounds very cynical and negative but to a certain degree this is also true and we must all take some responsibility for that too.
Being mindful and grateful on a day to day basis calms the mind and in turn helps us to achieve more and in a more orderly and productive manner. We place ourselves under personal stress by taking on too much we just don’t always realise it.
At my age I am surrounded by friends and extended family members who are sadly losing parents and other elderly relatives and friends. On the positive side people are living longer although the end of their life may then be challenging with health issues.
As I reminded a lovely close friend today; however difficult it is we mustn’t allow grief to consume us but try to remind ourselves of positive aspects of our loved one’s life and character. Moreover remember to be grateful for the small things in our own lives that daily we too often take for granted.
As any good publication or article on mindfulness will suggest take time to enjoy even the simplest of activities whether that be doing the crossword, drinking your coffee or savouring that last square of chocolate. Doing something for you is not selfish it’s self-preservation.
The fast pace of life and the technological world in which we live keep us racing through life rather than living it to its best. As I also reminded a young working mother earlier today: Our crazy schedule is actually within our control if we so choose…and breathe easy.
Thank you to all my friends and colleagues who found time to sign the OPA’s petition yesterday. Please keep signing and circulate if you feel able to support.
Never under-estimate what we the people can do when we join hands and make those in power listen.
Preventative rather than cure especially in health is a no-brainer and can help reduce the NHS ever increasing costs.
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