mindfulness

NHS and friends

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Been away from the blog for a few days recovering from treatment and sedation. Huge thank you to the great staff at ULCH London Hospital who are always professional and give great care. Everyone is oh so quick to criticise the NHS but the dedication of staff is second to none.

As ever I’m grateful to my amazing girlfriends; one who accompanied to hospital and others who took shifts in visiting with icecream and flowers etc. I am indeed rich in friends and never hopefully take that for granted.

I often write about the value of friendship especially when people are feeling under par. Support and kindness definitely is a key factor in our emotional recovery as well as our physical recovery.

I am mindful it is the season of exams and many students are feeling anxious. As my last blog recommended find time for breaks away from the studying and enjoy the company of friends (hopefully positive ones).  Speaking with colleagues in pastoral I am fully aware that negative influences are unhelpful at these times but keep positive, keep hydrated and exercise..even if it’s just a walk with the dog imaginary or real! Nowadays one can even include the dog in Yoga exercises (doga)

Oh of course..better mention chocolate, not too much to bring on a migraine though.

 

Exam and Revision stress

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So for many students it is now full on revising leading up to the exam period. As always I am mindful this is a very difficult time for many students of all ages. The key is to get plenty of rest and keep hydrated. To ensure that the cramming sessions are broken into realistic chunks with time off for regular exercise if possible as that really helps cognitively. Remember to include relaxation and treats into your schedules.

Treats don’t necessarily mean a bagful of chocolate; as your complexion may be more sensitive to and likely to react in skin break-outs brought on by stress at this time, but regular intake of water will really help with this too!

A bit of pampering girls is always a good idea, whether this be a manicure,  a new hair style or if the budget runs to it maybe a massage. A break away from the laptop to the cinema may be just the break you need along with Ben and Jerry’s ice cream obviously.

Seriously, now, keep focused but mindful and if you are feeling really stressed talk to somebody, if this isn’t your parent, talk to a tutor, or pastoral care they will always be supportive and may have some excellent tips that are really easy to implement on a day to day basis. Many colleges and universities have all sorts of stress buster ideas and schemes so find out what yours has to offer and make ultimate use of what’s available.

Please don’t suffer in silence but avoid taking on other student’s stress -it is easy for others to make you feel stressed it can be contagious.

I will be posting regular tips throughout May and June so keep following. I will be invigilating again this summer so I see fully appreciate how stressful it can be for many students. I will be posting little tips for ‘on the exam day’ too.

Keep calm, focused and keep positive.

 

Bereavement awareness…the young Royals

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Well done to the younger Royals for speaking out about bereavement and mental illness. Increasing awareness and the importance for people who are sufffering to talk will definitely help take the stigma away from these subjects which have been taboos for far too long. Like their mother Diana they are using their positions to do great and positive work.

Sharing their own experiences of their own bereavement journey in losing their own mother is both personal, brave and will, I am certain, help many people struggling to come to terms with their own loss.

Both princes show great compassion and are extremely humble when talking to representatives of support charities who are so often run and indeed started up by people who have experienced their own tragic loss or on-going mental illness.

The pain which we cannot see in others, often concealed well, certainly needs as much awareness and funding as any other worthy cause.

 

 

The bereavement journey

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I am mindful that those in early stages of the bereavement process often feel isolated in their grief. This is often compounded by those around them, maybe family members also suffering in silence and close friends not knowing what to say.

There are no right words and this continues to be apparrent even many years after the loss of a loved one has passed. As I was saying earlier this week to a friend coping with another sad anniversary, nobody knows you are drowning in your grief unless you tell them..they just think you are waving. Often we can feel almost disappointed with those close for ‘not knowing/realising’ but two pieces of advice I offer is not to be to hard on one’s self and not have too high an expectation of others to do or say the right thing!

Bereavement is painful and there are no quick routes, but as I say the times we seem consumed by grief are times when we are letting it come to the surface rather than pretend we are ‘fine’. Emotions need to be released not surpressed and talking about our feelings, which may include anger or even misplaced blame in some cases really does help.

Don’t struggle alone seek help and for those thinking ‘I don’t go to church regularly so I can’t talk to my local minister’…think again you may be surprised how helpful and supportive they can be. There are many excellent support charities around too so take advantage of any groups locally.

Don’t forget writing can be extermely therapeutic even if nobody ever reads it but you. I know when I ran my writers group my members really benefited from using this way to share and reveal their feelings.

 

Feeling positive..adding colour

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There is no doubt about it the warmer weather and blue skies certainly help to lift everyone’s spirit. OK so the sunshine shows up the dust and the fact the windows need a clean but the sunshine inspires even the most lazy of us to get spring cleaning!

The birds took pity on me and planted a few dandilions in an empty pot reminding me to get out and invest in some colour for the pots of mud! A quick trip to the garden centre at the weekend has made the view from the window more attractive, rather than post a photo of my garden I am re-posting the bluebell woods at Ashridge .

bluebell a

 

If you look closely you may just see a pixie dancing..no that’s just the caffeine from your coffee working.

Suffering in silence

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For far too long and for many reasons children have to a certain extent been encouraged to suffer in silence where bereavement is concerned. I frequently write about the damage ignoring the existence of a loved one who has died can do. Often with best intentions death becomes a taboo subject within a family unit.

As age appropriate for the child concerned encouraging talking about happy memories sensitively helps accept that death is part of life. It also helps keep our loved ones alive in our hearts. Remember that two children in a family will have a completely different journey through their grief too.

Equally, the death of a pet may be the first experience for a child and gives parents an opportunity to talk about death and how to celebrate the relationships we have when people are with us and celebrate their life rather than focus on the illness or the way in which they died.

Helping children through bereavement

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Regular followers will know that I frequently blog about supporting children through bereavement. The best thing one can ever do is to encourage a child to talk, share and remember their loved one…denying their existence is unhelpful. However, when a whole family is mourning it is very difficult to measure at what stage of the bereavement process each member has reached. We are ready to talk and open up when we are ready there are no right or wrong ways and everyone will grieve in their own way.  Remember grief is private but if we share it the journey becomes easier.

I salute Rio Ferdinand for having the courage to produce the documentary showed last night ‘Being Mum and Dad’ . He gave an honest account of just how hard it is to not only lose a partner but support children mourning their mother. The programme featured several of the main charities that offer practical support to children and encourage the bereaved to remember their loved ones by writing notes and keeping them in a memory jar. He also spoke to other widows who shared their own emotive stories.

I never forget the amazing way our own mother coped with being widowed with five children to comfort too. Her story and mine are told in  ‘A Mother’s Love’ Gospels according to Dorothy is now available to download from Amazon kindle.

As I have said several times we keep our loved ones alive in our mind and our heart.

 

The way we think

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We all too frequently use the term ‘glass half empty/full’ when really we may be identifying a friend or colleague’s viewpoint as negative or positive. To a certain degree that is true but on a much deeper level a lot of what we achieve and/or fear in life is down to whether or not we are problem thinking or outcome thinking.

Most of us as we become adult take on board that in life we have to take responsibilities for our actions and make positive steps to achieve our goals and lead a happier life.

It all sounds so simple but for many of course that is not the case. So many people have fixed stumbling blocks which prevent them from getting on with their life and realising their ambitions and dreams.

If our negativity is in relation to our career prospects then telling ourselves we will never improve our situation or get that better paid job is problem thinking whereas if we look realistically at learning new skills to secure that position ..we are outcome thinking.

As I have said only recently when chewing the cud with a special somebody…the brain really is like a sponge and the more we learn the more confident we become.

I know I am fortunate in that I have never lost the hunger to learn new things but for those that are struggling consider seeking some NLP Life and Work skills counselling as that dream may easier to live and closer than you think. As for those stumbling blocks they can be knocked down, walked around or even jumped over..now there’s encouragement for a Monday morning eh?

Surviving the blitz…kindness of strangers

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Morning fellow bloggers, writers, friends, family and positive folk.  I was absent from my blog yesterday as I had a trip to London. I know a few close friends and family raised an eyebrow or two (well those that didn’t pluck them when they were younger!!) that I was ‘still going’.

Of course I was ‘still going’, my mother survived the London bombings of World War II and if there was one thing she taught our family was not to live our lives in fear. She also talked often of the kindness of strangers during that time and the positive spirit of Londoners.

As events which have left many of us greatly saddened and shocked this week proved, yet again, how strangers will run to the aid of others. Today however, like so many, I would like to congratulate all our emergency services for the amazing job they do every day and especially days like Wednesday.

Turning up for work in London…

I for one really appreciated seeing a good Police presence yesterday at mainline stations and sincere thanks to the amazing medical professional I saw at London UCLH hospital.

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However, I am mindful that this week’s events will bring to the surface traumatic memories for those who have been caught up in and/or witnessed previous similar tragedies both home and abroad. As always support those that need it and allow them to talk and release any personal emotions and new anxieties.

Remember:  these are isolated, albeit unforgiveable attacks, and, the Police are thwarting these and protecting us all the time. Be positive, go about your normal business and live a day at a time.

Tell those you love them that you do…to the moon and back. Does it need saying? Yes it certainly does!!

World Poetry Day

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World Poetry Day: How could I go without posting a few lines from one of my own poems? Yesterday being the first day of spring I have chosen something romantic..everyone loves a fool in love. Inspired by a very special guy albeit a cad!

The Stranger’s Garden

Last Summer a butterfly drifted into the stranger’s garden. Enticed by his flowers and well kept lawn. She was caught unawares in his net.

She’s happy it is a sunny place to be. There are new things to see every day. She wants to stay – she likes it there.

In the house, and from a safe distance, He watches her beauty. Still uncertain of her colours.

He believes he has captured her. Her flutter-like moods amuse and intrigue him.He’s gentle so as not to damage her delicate wings.

Annie Manning  February 2003

Oh the madness of love eh time to reach for the kettle and  choccy biccy or two.

Drat..the beauty of mobiles just had a message from my dentist a check up due…somebody loves me!