I have been asked to re-circulate my published article on Innovate My School’s website to help those working with bereaved students.
Bereavement at any age is a challenge we know but having to face that challenge alongside the pressure of studying and exams can be overwhelming. Please read my article, link follows:-
For any parents following my blog please communicate with your school help is available for your family unit.
As we are in the lead up to another Mother’s Day I am mindful that so many of us are now without our Mothers.
Whilst I do confess to making a fuss of my mother on this marketing led event, every day was Mother’s Day to me. One of the many lessons in life our amazing mother taught us was ‘To be good to people when they are here…it’s too late when they are gone!’
I feel saddened when so many people seem to have such problems in communicating with their mothers and rightly or wrongly they will find me reminding them how life is so very short.
I know that I am a ‘mum bore’ to my friends though many have benefited from her recycled advice and one dear friend insisted I write a book on her teachings. Last year I took time out to donate my attention to my own writing projects and I hope ‘A Mother’s Love‘ (a real work of love) will soon be published. An extract follows from my introduction:-
‘They say there is nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her children and for the really lucky ones among us aside of that bond may come a lifetime of the best mentoring one can receive and, of course, a beautiful friendship.
The advice given selflessly by a mother is based on her own wisdom, life’s experiences and driven by pure love and a desire to help you reach your potential safely and feeling secure in that love.’
I rest my case.
One cannot under estimate how people feel when they lose a pet. They are, to real pet lovers part of the family. Often people have and care for cats, dogs and horses for many years.
I had one cat (runt of the litter) who lived to eighteen and a half and I always maintain a house isn’t a home without a pet.
For children often the loss of a pet may be their first introduction into bereavement and the loss and sadness that brings and can prepare them slightly for understanding the concept of death. Not only can keeping a pet introduce a child into taking responsibility for something other than themselves it teaches them about love and celebrating the experience of owning a pet.
It is a good idea to involve the children in perhaps a small burying ceremony and prayers to say goodbye. Most of us have seen the film ‘Marley and Me’ and this was expressed sensitively but heart-wrenching!
Remember: For the elderly and those that live a lone their pet may be their main companion and therefore the loss will be greater.
In the middle of a meeting yesterday I suddenly asked ‘what day is it?‘ after a few disturbed nights sleep and too much screen work I had simply lost track.
I saw this today, so dedicating it to my lovely colleague:-
What day is it?”
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.
― A.A. Milne
Keep smiling and for fellow sleepyheads get some ZZZZ’s
I had an interesting meeting with a colleague yesterday where we compared how people’s attitude to bereavement and support had changed over the years and improved thankfully. When we were younger we were often left without support trying to make sense of tragic situations.
However, nowadays within schools, colleges and universities help is available and this help and support is expanding for many reasons. Indeed professionals on-site are excellent and discussing this with various colleagues over the past few years -it is apparent they really need and want students to make them aware of issues. Information shared enables them to help, ease students’ pain and offer support especially if course work is proving difficult which understandably it will.
Along with the various stresses life imposes on our teenage children, they may also be faced with bereavement and find themselves in new territory. The various stages of bereavement are a challenge individually and the bereaved will find themselves facing a string of emotions including anger and maybe even helplessness.
I have often helped others searching to describe their feelings by offering my own description of how ‘I lost my sense of purpose’ when my Mother died and I know that will resonate with many. But it does get easier.
My advice is not to struggle alone but seek help and find somebody to talk to either within your family or outside the circle. In admitting that you are finding it difficult is not a sign of weakness, far from it. I have written many articles on this subject and suppressing one’s emotions may possibly lead to a range of health problems including; sleeplessness, eating disorders, migraines and other stress related illnesses.
My message today is that you will get through this period, eventually feeling better able to carry on and hopefully begin to enjoy life again. Start to re-visit activities that may have been shelved as bereavement sometimes manifests itself in a desire to withdraw.
Live life to the full and remember it is actually good to cry and real friends will understand that too. However, sometimes we may feel guilty to appear happy or laugh again feeling it is disrespectful to the person who has died, when in fact they would want you to go on living and be happy and not allow your grief to consume you.
My closing comment would be celebrate their life and not allow the way they died determine who they were…it wasn’t they were amazing in their own way and remember that instead.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending some time with a good friend and minister who shared the following prayer he uses from time to time:-
‘Time there was, but it is gone
Time there will be, who can tell
Time there is, to act upon
God give us grace to use it well
Amen’
Simply put, thought provoking and a good way to reflect and live by.
Make the most of every day and make it count.
After an extremely sad weekend; I realise there are some times when although you have all the relevant counselling skills and genuine empathy sadly from personal experience – one still feels inadequate in saying or doing the right thing in supporting somebody you love.
I am fully aware that my approach to life often annoys those around me as I always maintain we should live a day at a time and be good to one another. However, things happen in life which leave us questioning our faith, (if we have one), as we are left trying to make sense of it all.
When we lose somebody we love suddenly we realise just how precious life is. This is never more true when it is somebody young and maybe the same age as ourselves.
Today my heart goes out to my daughter and her friends in coming to terms with the loss of their young and so beautiful friend. Her family are in my thoughts and prayers, losing a child is one of the hardest heartaches that any parent should have to bear..I am lost for words.
My message to the young is to live for today (safely and sensibly) … follow your dreams whatever they may be.
Love, stay focused and continual to be inspired.
I have just re-watched the BBC program about life after suicide. All credit to Angela Samatra for making this brilliant documentary. I hope in time suicide will stop being such a taboo subject and people will talk and more importantly support those that are left behind.
We are still so misinformed about those that take their own life, and sadly many people are judge mental, this does not help the loved ones struggling to come to terms with their loss and facing so many unanswered questions.
We constantly hear the growing statistics of male suicide and depression among teens. It seems every where I have turned this week I am hearing such sad stories of teenagers struggling. Many turn to drugs in an attempt to get control…and that is the thing about drugs they don’t give you control they control you.
Talking with friends over drinks tonight we agreed how too readily drugs are prescribed for those suffering with depression rather than finding out the cause. If somebody is bereaved help them with the process and whilst dispensing anti-depressants or sleeping pills may be helpful initially bereavement support and counselling is a better approach. Just my opinion but…
Tell those you love that you love them whilst you can.
Here’s hoping the government will respond positively to the pleas and petition and grant the vaccination for meningitis to be given to all children.
Please sign the petition and help with awareness.
If we can prevent this horrendous child illness then there should be no debate surely?
Last night I enjoyed open-dialogue with one of my fave teenagers…you know who you are! We agreed that having parents that care, albeit annoying at times is far better and love is all you need…and of course shoes and handbags.
Joking aside though being able to talk about anything is indeed a privilege and a comfort and if only all relationships could be that honest.
I repeat the wise words of Freud:
Freud’s talking cure; ‘the purpose to change hysterical misery into ordinary human unhappiness.’
Though far better to talk about what is making one feel stressful and therefore unhappy before it develops to a position of hysteria. We have all heard the saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved.’ which echoes this in simple terms.
As children with a great mentor as a mother we were always encouraged to express our opinions and be confident but also made aware that if something was troubling us we could discuss that too.
Parenting is not just about instructing it is about listening and making sure we find time to do just that.
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