bereavement

One more day..

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Bereavement leaves one longing to be with and reunited with a loved one. Whatever your beliefs may be some may find comfort that eventually they will meet up with their loved ones in the next life.

So often we hear grieving relatives say how they would give anything for just one more day with their parent, child or partner. I heard somebody say recently that grief transcends value and I guess in a way it does. We should never take those we love for granted but cherish the time we have and the opportunity to show and tell them we care. My own mentor used to say frequently the time to be good to people is when they are here.

Life changes constantly as our lives evolve through meeting new people and losing old friends and sadly saying goodbye to loved ones. To celebrate the life of those we have lost will help not only keep them alive but help us through the changes we have no option but to accept.

We cannot change fate but we can indeed challenge it and perhaps the way we continue along the new path it has mapped out for us and ensure that we live life to the full.

Withdrawing from life and previously enjoyed activities may seem ‘the right thing’ to do. So often people feel guilty for being seen to enjoy themselves…this is not what your loved one would wish for you.

Innovate My School

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Our lovely Editor  James has just posted my latest piece on CPD on Innovate My School’s website.

I hope my followers within pastoral and education roles will enjoy reading my thoughts on the true value of CPD. Link follows:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/the-true-value-of-cpd

 

If you have time -feedback is always appreciated on their website as well as my own blog.

memories and music

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Anybody that knows me soon realises how much I truly love my music. Music can transport us back to times in our lives full of fond memories and dreams. Today I have just re-watched one of my top five films ‘Meet Joe Black’ and of course the score to this film written by the amazing Thomas Newman who always brings such depth of emotions to any film.

‘A whisper of a thrill’ played through is sheer magic and reminds me of a very special man that came into my life. I was watching this film one day and he rang me…he teased me for ages after as I said I was thinking of him..but watching Brad Pitt.  He sometimes reads my blog and if by chance he is today (hello B). Yes, I do look forward not back but a much better mentor told me ‘memories live longer than dreams’ we made ours. Every girl should be loved like that at least once in a life time!

The closing music to those that know this film is of course a beautiful version of ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ same version was played at a recent funeral I attended. I am reminding myself of my good advice it is good to cry sometimes to release emotions.

Anyone that has lost their father will resonate with this great film. I always cry when Anthony Hopkins dances with his daughter…never had that opportunity to dance with my own father. My book currently with my publishers ‘Dancing in my dreams’ reflects how I have dreamed I have.

For those that still have their dads love them whilst you can, that’s the order of the day.

 

 

Freud…in the end I succeeded

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Getting ready for my next course, but watching the best documentaries on BBC4. Last night’s  Freud ‘Genius of the modern world‘ was thought provoking to say the least.

As the narrator revealed he was so often criticized as being unscientific! I became interested…no fascinated in this great man’s works many years ago when researching dream time. I will be re-reading ‘The Interpretation of dreams‘ again this summer.

How tragic it was that this brilliant man’s books were burned in the streets of Vienna during the second world war.

He was ahead of his time and definitely left us challenging the way we think and led the way for counselling…not to be a hostage to our past but become true masters of our own minds (as quoted within the program).

It ended with his own words:

‘In the end I succeeded but the struggle is not yet over’

 

Missing my dad…

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Last night I watched the BBC program ‘Tank Heroes of WWII’. My father was in the Desert Rats a radio operator in the tank corps. He won several medals including one for saving their radio from a burning  tank. When one watches real footage of the second world war our eyes are peeled just hoping we get a glimpse of somebody we knew.

As this program revealed British tanks were tiny inside and nicknamed ‘tommy cookers’ a phrase I overheard my mother use many times when talking about Dad. It can’t have been pleasant spending days cooped up that way. Dad received a head wound in the D day Normandy landings and was separated from his fellow comrades and ending up with a Canadian platoon.

He was notified as missing in action and turned up many months later in a little French hospital and moved back home. He had many narrow escapes as did many but he was to come home to his wife, have five children before dying suddenly just age 44 and we have no way of knowing whether his head wound was a contributing factor to his death.

We were raised positively by our mother reminding us to live a day at a time and live it well as we never know what is around the next corner. Sadly we do not have many tales of his time in the forces as he did not approve of discussing what he had seen front of women and children. Let’s be honest it was the British Stiff Upper Lip attitude back then and those that suffered did so in silence without proper support.

I discuss my life without dad and bereavement of losing a parent within my forthcoming book ‘Dancing in my dreams’ currently with my publisher.

We did miss out not knowing our dad as a man just a provider mum was right when she said that to us. He gave the best part of his twenties for his country as did so many young men and far too many gave their lives.

Drug awareness…death of teenagers

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I know I am often accused of having an almost black and white approach to drugs but over the years I have seen what drug abuse can do to families. So call me old fashioned but I have a zero drugs policy in my home.

However, I never turn away families that need help and often discuss the subject of smoking drugs and taking drugs with concerned parents. Both parents and teens alike often find themselves justifying what is taken on the grounds ‘it’s from a safe source’ whatever that truly means! I also know that a large percentage of drug users are young men who for whatever reason seem to lose their way or fall into drugs because of peer pressure.

I recently discussed this with a colleague from within the Police who raised her own concerns how the strength of the drugs are not always known and teens may well be taking far more than they intended with seriously tragic outcomes.

I will quote from one of my favourite authors Donald Walsch who explains in his book ‘Conversations with God for Teenagers’ how teenagers believe they get control by taking drugs…but the trick is drugs have control from the very start!

I have just read  in today’s ‘Mail on Sunday’ about the Lakeman’s tragic loss of their two young sons and my heart goes out to them. So today I would like to promote the charity Anyone’s Child.

Please visit http://www.anyoneschild.org to give support and/or donate.

 

Is more less?

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I never suffer from writer’s block but I confess today that I am deliberately not working on my book. I have been asked to expand the word count and I am probably two thirds the way through achieving it…

But and its a big BUT…I am worried about my beloved project losing its original magic which I believed I had captured.

I can hear voices of close successful writer friends saying…just get on with it. The thing is I have material already written that I could so easily use…BUT that word again.

Is less more? or is more less and I’m not talking about the word count now!!

A break away from it today will hopefully make me decide what to do next or what to write next!

The best thing being; the re-write has given me an opportunity to include recent emotive experiences and there is nothing better than writing honestly from the heart which is what I always try to do…more or less!

 

Supporting men

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I often mention on my blog how men are not so good at sharing their thoughts, feeling and problems. Sadly this often leads to depression, drinking too much and the ruin of many a good relationship.

What we are learning in modern day society is that in many ways men are under even more pressure for one reason or another. We also know suicide is one of the biggest killers for men and money worries frequently a contributing factor. ‘The desire to provide’ it’s in their instincts to be the hunter!

 Key trends from the Samaritans Suicide Statistics Report 2016:-

  • In 2014, 6,122 suicides were registered in the UK. This corresponds to a suicide rate of 10.8 per 100,000 people (16.8 per 100,000 for men and 5.2 per 100,000 for women).
  • The highest suicide rate in the UK in 2014 was for men aged 45-49 at 26.5 per 100,000.
  • The male suicide rate decreased in the UK (by 5.6%), England (by less than 1%), Wales (by 37.6%), Scotland (by 17.6%), Northern Ireland  (by 10.2%) and Republic of Ireland (by 6.4%) between 2013 and 2014.

Talk to your partner, brother, father, son and any other male friend and just check they are not concealing an inner sadness that maybe you can help relieve.

 

Freud always said the ‘talking cure’ works…and it does.

 

Gift of life

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For those fellow self-employed souls who may take  a screen break and watch ‘Loose Women’ and the lunchtime news…

Today the ladies were supporting the promotion of becoming an organ donor. It would be amazing if everybody did this as so many lives can be improved and/or saved by the ultimate gift of organs. Additionally teaching and research hospitals can continue their studies by utilising tissue samples.

I am registered to leave everything that can be useful -it can be an uncomfortable discussion to have with loved ones but we must be aware of our family member’s wishes.

Remember: Having to make decisions at the time of death can result with missed opportunities and confusion..be aware and be prepared.

Register now it takes such a short amount of time…do something and make a difference after you have gone!

‘Good Grief…Dancing in my Dreams’

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My above bereavement project which kept being neglected is finally being considered by my publishers. It deals with the loss of two fathers my real dad and my wonderful step father. I purposely touch on the subject of suicide which still remains even more of a taboo than death itself.

I always maintain that writing is therapeutic in many ways though I am not sure how cathartic it was for me as I kept dipping in and out of it whilst working on other projects. However, it was part reflective whilst gaining my counselling qualifications and I really hope the contents will resonate and help others.

I think one of the main things about feeling bereaved is one of losing one’s sense of purpose especially if it is a parent. Knowing that we are not alone in our feelings can be a source of great comfort.

I started my blog just over a year ago to reach out to those going through the loss of a loved one and I trust my positive thoughts and emotive writing has helped my followers.

I often receive private messages confirming my posts are connecting with many and that’s really appreciated.