friendships

Stimulating memories

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As part of my own on=going research into Alzheimer’s and Dementia I am reading through a colleague’s copy of an excellent toolkit to help understand and prevent..in theory some of the symptoms and challenges those who suffer are meeting daily.

Yesterday, I decided to re-watch ‘ The Notebook‘ a beautiful love story about a husband’s dedication to help his wife through living with dementia. It is a well-loved and well-know creative piece and a weepie.

The husband never gives up on his wife and much to the disbelief of doctors she can play some music from memory. One line that always sticks with me (said emotively by the husband played by James Garner) in defence of his faith in her ability to remember and in defiance of the medics:-

‘Science only goes so far…then comes God’

In my own work wth dementia clients music is a great trigger for stimulating memories and encouraging a silent sufferer to beceome more vocal and happier.

Mindfulness living in the moment

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I suspect December is a typical month where many of us will feel we do not have time to live in the moment, but it is really a question of making time. We all take the little things for granted being lost in the huge marketing campaign that is thrusted upon us from late summer it seems nowadays.

Christmas should be about appreciating those we love and spending time with them rather than our money. Don’t get me wrong I have spent many years working within the marketing environments but we seem to have lost our way somewhat.

Love is one sure way of remembering being in the moment as at the time of feeling love as humans we are surely at our very best.

So the gift for Christmas should be love and for those of us with big hearts our ‘bank account ‘never runs out.

For some it takes the loss of a loved one to realise what life is all about and readjust where we can the balance of work and play.

 

Remembering loved ones

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The past few months have been extremely emotive for many relatives and friends in my circle. There’s always such a pressure at Christmas to be happy, when perhaps one is not. Samaritans are bringing awareness to this fact today confirming that such a large percentage of us are sad at Christmas but do things to make others happy.

We all cope with our emotions in our own way and life is constantly busy which sometimes prevents people from releasing maybe their grief openly. As I remind people going through bereavement there are no rules, or schedule or one size fits all.

However, we should all be able to grieve the way we want to, privately if that’s what we prefer and remembering those we have loved and lost in a way we feel is appropriate to respect that person and in our own way.

We can go many months moving forward and suddenly something will trigger a memory and we will feel the loss again, this may be a song, or a smell or a nonsensical memory. If this trigger makes us cry it’s no bad thing either these controlled emotions need to be released. Hanging on to emotions only leads to stress related illness or sleepless nights.

My message today is talk to people about how you feel and remember nobody has the right to dictate to others how they choose to grieve. Finally, remember that those we love and have lost would want us to go on living and loving as that’s the best tribute to their memory. We keep them alive in our hearts and that’s all anyone can expect.

Teenage stress

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Any parent of a teenage son or daughter in today’s society is sadly aware of just how stressful life has become for our children. There are so many stress factors facing today’s teens; exams, acceptance from peers and even pressure to try drugs and huge sensitivity surrounding their visual appearance all increased via the use and scrutiny of media.

The pressures for some, certainly outweigh all the great advantages that modern technology bring, indeed those in suypportive roles are also recognising just how disruptive and cruel modern media can be in terms of cyber bullying.

Please read my article on Innovate My School’s website:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

If you have even the smallest inclination that your child may be struggling, then quite likely they are. Ask the question, be supportive and if necessary speak to their school too as the likelihood being the answer may be easier to fathom than you realise and pastoral and tutors can help your family unit turn things around.

Remember our children are only on loan to us and we owe it to them to look out for their well-being even at times when we may not actually like them…we will always love them.

Remind them how proud we are, don’t just say it to others..this gesture of affirmation may just be what they need if feeling vulnerable or concerned about their achievements and remember not everyone can be a great academic.

The Little Book of Kisses

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After a week of emotive blogs I thought I would end the week on a happier and somewhat more light-hearted note.

I am finalising the publishing of my ‘The Little Book of Kisses‘ Kindle project in time for Christmas and ready for Valentine’s 2017.

My very talented nephew Graphics Designer Paul Manning is currently working on the kindle cover…so watch this space.

I will announce as soon as  itbecomes available on Amazon.

Have a good weekend fellow bloggers and followers and…get kissing.

Keeping active, positive and finding time to laugh

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Yesterday I went to hear a local speaker the lovely and talented Zena Skinner talk at a U3A meeting.

This amazing woman, a young ninety year old has led a rewarding and busy life as a celebrity TV cook, radio and public speaker as well as an impressive fundraiser for various charities. Those who know and love her locally know the great works she does in supporting a local hospice for children (Keech Hospice)

The audience were treated to a collection of amusing stories of her life in the Wrens and the colourful life as a cook and demonstrator. She shows no signs of slowing down and truly is an inspiration and really enjoys making people laugh.

Zena’s closing comment was:

 ‘If we don’t laugh..it’s not worth living, the more we laugh the more we live.’

My own mentor always maintained a laugh was as good as a tonic. I love that sentiment and shared this with a friend earlier this afternoon,  I know he follows my blog and I am sending him a huge spiritual hug.

Grief Encounter

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Children’s grief awareness is something I like to support. Grief Encounter an amazing support charity were featured on TV today. I met the founder members at a bereavement conference many years ago and salute the work and what they have achieved to date.

If you have children who are going through bereavement please do not let them struggle, seek support and counselling there is help and advice available and as I have said before there are many great books which can help explain in appropriate language how to deal with their feelings.

Keeping their loved one’s memory alive is imperative as opposed to avoiding talking about their lost relative.  The process for everybody is different and if, as a parent you are dealing with your own grief as well as comforting a child it is not easy.

Anti-bullying week

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Bullying can happen to any of us at any age and in any environment. Sadly far too often people do not realise that the way they are being treated in school or the workplace is recognised as bullying and unacceptable behaviour.

It is proven statistically just how few people who are being bullied share their pain and often for fear of further reprocussions. If you feel that you are being a victim of bullying in any way please ensure that you tell somebody to not only get help for yourself but make those that need to know are aware that it is going on.

There are many easy ways in which you can increase your confidence to regain your power against the cruelty of others.  Don’t under-estimate the power your school or company have in taking the purpertrators to task. In the case of  bullying at school they can be excluded from school.

For parents there are many signs to watch out for which may be connected to bullying, poor sleep patterns, change in diet, being withdrawn and of course reluctance to go to school. Continued bullying can have all sorts of adverse affects on your child’s health, wellbeing and even affect their exam results.

 

Anti-bullying week

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It’s anti-bullying week and an ideal platform for awareness for parents and teachers.

Don’t forget bullying can start at a very early age and that some children are more sensitive and less confrontational than others and can easily full victim to bullies even at nursery school.

As with all areas of parenting we have to keep alert and an open communication line with our children and bear in mind that children do not have the vocab to express their emotions.

It’s often said Mothers are better than the FBI but even the best qualified and caring parents don’t always see the signs…sometimes there are no signs. Sadly in the age of technology we also have to endure cyber-bullying which reaches people of all ages.

Please support the anti-bullying charities and encourage openness with children whenever possible.

 

Life is precious..it’s wonderful

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As the marketing bods are already drumming into our minds it is Christmas…. I revisited one of my all-time great ‘feel good’ films:- ‘It’s a wonderful life.’

This is a must watch film dealing with the fallout when a man George Bailey has tremendous money worries and contemplates suicide and wishes he was never born. Luckily his friends and family pray so much for him that a guarding angel is sent to save him.

The guardian angel Clarence is given his assignment and asks what is wrong with the man he needs to help and he is told.

‘It’s worse than sick he’s discouraged.’

I think this will resonate with many who may feel their problems are insurmountable and it is not uncommon for men to feel suicidal over money worries. Men are programmed to be the hunter and a loss of job can not only make them lose their self-respect and sense of purpose but sadly very desperate too.

One of the best lines in the film is how the angel explains:-

‘We don’t use money in heaven.’

This reminds me of the expression ‘you can’t take your money with you when you go.’ 

So to all those tight-fisted ones out there take heed and let the moths out of your wallet and for the spendthrifts remember what really counts…not materialistic things but life itself!

Remember: We all mean something to somebody just because they haven’t said so lately most of us thankfully are loved more than we ever realise.