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Visiting nursing homes

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I know a lot of families are faced with having to make the difficult decision of selecting the next sensible move for their elderly relatives. This may result in having to find the right nursing home which can seem very daunting.

I won’t turn today’s blog into an advice article but recently I was asked to visit a number of nursing homes with a friend who is faced with the dilemma of choosing somewhere suitable for a relative. The ultimate decision, where possible should of course involve the wishes and hopefully a visit beforehand by the proposed resident.

I have to say the three I visited were all very different but I was pleasantly surprised how welcome we were made and how staff made every effort to answer all my questions. It’s a really good idea to have somebody with you that is not so emotionally involved and able to be focused and objective.

I know some people are put off by the larger more modern homes but I was very impressed with the few I have visited the past year for one reason or another. The buildings are purpose built with superb en suite facilities and one even had a treatment room for the ladies to have their hair done and proper facilities for visiting chiropodist. These may seem unimportant facilities but they matter for those who will be unable to get out and about. New residents are properly assessed to ensure they receive the necessary support which may be dementia or stroke rehab related.

I have also been impressed by the many activities which are available to residents even in the smaller homes including sensory and reminiscence work. The sad picture some people may have in their minds of unhappy elderly folk sitting in a circle being ignored is far from the truth. Through my research I met some really dedicated and well-trained staff who genuinely care about the well-being of their residents and make every effort to bond with families too.

My tip is to visit as many as possible in your chosen area and don’t leave it until the last minute. As difficult as it is to talk about this with you relatives…please please do so and ensure you fully involve them. It is a well-known fact that parents do not want to feel a burden to their children and they will certainly try to hide just how vulnerable they feel.

My closing comment came from a manager at a very homely place who said she does everything she can to reassure her residents they are not a burden!

‘I remind them without them I wouldn’t have such a lovely job.’

 

 

A Father’s Love

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I am having my screen break today and listening to a beautiful CD ‘A Father’s Love‘ a wonderful surprise gift today which arrived in the lunchtime post.

Close friends and followers know I have been working on a my own book:

‘Dancing in my dreams’ for many years about the love and loss of my own father and the words to the tracks on this album are so poignant to me.

Oddly enough only last night I was discussing the subject of not having a father with a friend and how Father-daughter relationships (or lack of them)  affects many girls relationships throughout their life.

I think Fathers often under-estimate the impact their relationship has on their children, Mothers may keep the home and wipe away the tears more often than not but children need their Fathers input and love too. This cannot be measured in time spent but the quality of that time and the intensity of that love and as we know some men are better at demonstrating that love than others.

I only had seven years with my own Father, who died from a massive stroke hence my on-going campaign to support stroke charities and increase awareness. My memories are few but treasured oh so dearly.

Thank you that man for the random act of kindness.

 

 

Stroke Awareness

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My regular followers will know I like to support the amazing Stroke Association with awareness. For anybody in recovery of a stroke or supporting a loved one during this difficult time please ensure you visit their website  www.stroke.org.uk where you will find help,advice and resources which will enhance recovery and locate a support group in your area.

Another charity which I have mentioned within articles over the years is Interact Reading check out their website: http://www.interactstrokesupport.org. a charity offering support including actors visiting hospital units reading to stroke patients.

I often compare having a stroke to a mini bereavement… remember the survivor may be mourning the loss of use of their limbs, their speech and their previously active life.

In recovering themselves they are also trying to be strong for those around them as well as coping and coming to terms with the shock and full impact of what has happened. They will be feeling vulnerable and scared so be patient and please, please  get support.

Made me chuckle

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As it’s Friday let’s end the week on a lighthearted note… Just heard the Chuckle Brothers could be the next duo for the Great British Bake off! If it is a joke or a PR stunt I think that is really funny. They would get my vote cooking is getting far too serious.

However, I have fond memories of watching these funny guys when my daughter was young. Years later we went with dear friends to see said brothers in a live show and it was brilliant we laughed so much, though made the mistake of sitting in front rows and were caught in the fire of water pistols and custard pies.

I think they are just what we need a bit of good old fashioned slapstick humour and they do have wide experience in custard pies it’s true!

To me…to you!

Carers

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There are so many people that become carers to their partners and family members. They do it out of love and devotion and often at the cost of their own health. Carers make great personal sacrifices often without very little if any help. we must remember those that support need support too and often get forgotten.

I am of the age where a lot of friends have elderly parents and are having to make difficult decisions about long term care and what’s best for their well-being. We know only too well there comes a time when continual hospital stays are not the answer and the NHS are so over-stretched, but sadly so many elderly are home alone and vulnerable and prone to accidents.

Spare a thought for those that are alone and vulnerable and for those around them trying do the best they can.

 

Returning to university

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Like a lot of mums my child has returned to university to start her second year and to those with children starting their first year who are worried I will offer this..

The year flies past, they come back and communicate more than you feared and it will be the making of them, just remember they still need you even when they are making out they don’t. They will eat, wash, even do their own laundry and survive it!

As parents we are never redundant, some days it may feel like it. It’s a great opportunity to get your own life back on track and take up new opportunities. Life evolves and will continue to do so.

The summer will soon arrive and they will be back eating your body weight in food, making a mess, making you giggle and disrupting your schedules beyond recognition bless them all.

 

 

Not been writing?

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I know I am not myself and/or ill when I haven’t written for days…this week it has been the case.

Shame on me allowing a tooth abscess, side affects of antibiotics and now flu to stop me writing. Think I have the equivalent of man flu and feel sorry for myself, this was improved by tea and choccy biscuits and the reality this is nothing by comparison of previous illnesses and what some people are having to live with everyday of their lives.

So I am being grateful, especially to the emergency dentist who saw me and gave me the double dose of drugs to get me sorted. Just reminding myself that I went to the dentist willingly..wow how did that happen?

Whatever you are facing today find time to do what you enjoy doing however rough you feel as it will help turn things around.

Thanks to the lovely decorator for painting my front door bright blue this must be a positive sign!!

More tea and biscuits me thinks!

Positive progress…getting control

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In life we are often faced with stressful situations which can leave us feeling vulnerable, stressed and not in control. My advice is often to first take a deep breath, realise you are not superwoman/man and be realistic in how you are going to solve the problem.

Realising that other people will have some impact and a degree of control may also slow down our thought processes so that we are not in a state of despair or panic but calmly use our intellect rather than let our emotions take control.

I have also learned that not just in my own life, but that of many close friends that one has a cluster of events all happening at once..unfair as that may seem, there are only so many hours in the day and not everyone will be working to or indeed in unison with our diary and time frame.

All these factors compound to make us feel frustrated and not in control, we have to learn that sometimes we are not completely in control and that we are making positive progress albeit slower than we over optimistically thought.

Distracting ourselves away from a major issue will help us regain a sense of balance and inject stillness into our troubled mind. Remember practicing mindfulness and ‘just being’ has an amazing affect. We can then revert to our problems that little bit more in control of our emotions at least.. rather than allowing it to consume our every waking thought which only increases our own stress levels and ability to cope.

When we allow ourselves time to stand back and reflect we often find a better solution rather than rush in all guns blazing. Where possible sleeping helps greatly and often we wake not only feeling refreshed but having had a light bulb moment to help move things along.

Now time for tea me thinks!

Tea drinking

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Most people that know me well know that I do like a cup of tea. Don’t give me builders but a good strong cup of earl grey and I am a happy bunny whatever time of the day it is.

Yesterday i visited a local new tea shop where one can purchase any flavour you can imagine…I chose a caramel chocolate nut option. It was nice for a change but….

Today I heard a brilliant phrase concerning tea from a Scottish female friend:

‘Yer Man’s yer man…but your tea’s your comfort.’ 

That made me smile, I know my mum’s solution was to have a cup of tea and share a problem (her phrase being ‘my tea pot’s always warm‘)

A cup of tea works for me and most of my visiting friends whatever the problem is needing aired and shared!

I have just come in from a hot walk and yes, that’s right am settled with a cup of tea..oh and who bought that pecan nut danish pastry?? Better eat it whilst it’s fresh.

Removing our ears

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I had to chuckle at the Toy Story terror movie. Mr Potato head was getting fed up of listening to a hedgehog toy so he took his ears off!

What a great idea… at one time or another even those of us who profess to be great listeners get fed up with the one friend who is always negative…if only we could remove our ears.

The film also reminded me of how when my daughter was young she was looking through a toy brochure and came across a Mr potato head game. Suddenly she pointed to said game and said ‘Look mummy the man across the road’…Her father and I had often thought to ourselves how a neighbor looked like a  Potato head man!  Out of the mouth of the babes as mum would have said!

I also have a giggle at signs that say ‘keep away from children’ a darn good idea especially if they are playing up.