reflective

Walking and talking

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I am very fortunate in that I have a good circle of lovely female friends some with dogs and some without who like to walk and talk. It is good to get away from our environments, get some fresh air and share.

Everybody leads such busy lives and far too often we resort to;’how are you?’ text message but meeting and actually connecting with friends is far better for us emotionally and physically.

On mornings like today it would have been a crime not to take my screen break early and get some exercise..and for those living locally to me…yes that was me sneaking into the Hub for hot chocolate and cake..well it is my birthday week come on guys.

Seriously, if you know a family member or friend is struggling get them out of the house for a little break away and give them the opportunity to talk freely.

Stay positive, be healthy and of course be mindful enjoy the day.

 

 

Useless facts

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We are in an age of information which is brought to us 24/7 from all forms of media but isn’t funny how we can read a newspaper from cover to cover taking in all sorts of facts and figures and political scandals then one strange comment seems to register…

I have found myself remembering the last few weeks that supposedly there are three chickens to everyone of us living on the planet. OK, yes I did keep chickens once but why should I retain that snippet when like so many of you I have various lists around the house of important things I must do today, tomorrow…next week that I will forget unless I remind myself.

I think a lot of it is brain overload and how we have great expectations of just how much we will get done..only if the day goes according to plan eh? Now where’s that list?

Three chickens…interesting. I only had two though!!

 

hen night! 15-06-08_1722 - Copy

 

Visiting nursing homes

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I know a lot of families are faced with having to make the difficult decision of selecting the next sensible move for their elderly relatives. This may result in having to find the right nursing home which can seem very daunting.

I won’t turn today’s blog into an advice article but recently I was asked to visit a number of nursing homes with a friend who is faced with the dilemma of choosing somewhere suitable for a relative. The ultimate decision, where possible should of course involve the wishes and hopefully a visit beforehand by the proposed resident.

I have to say the three I visited were all very different but I was pleasantly surprised how welcome we were made and how staff made every effort to answer all my questions. It’s a really good idea to have somebody with you that is not so emotionally involved and able to be focused and objective.

I know some people are put off by the larger more modern homes but I was very impressed with the few I have visited the past year for one reason or another. The buildings are purpose built with superb en suite facilities and one even had a treatment room for the ladies to have their hair done and proper facilities for visiting chiropodist. These may seem unimportant facilities but they matter for those who will be unable to get out and about. New residents are properly assessed to ensure they receive the necessary support which may be dementia or stroke rehab related.

I have also been impressed by the many activities which are available to residents even in the smaller homes including sensory and reminiscence work. The sad picture some people may have in their minds of unhappy elderly folk sitting in a circle being ignored is far from the truth. Through my research I met some really dedicated and well-trained staff who genuinely care about the well-being of their residents and make every effort to bond with families too.

My tip is to visit as many as possible in your chosen area and don’t leave it until the last minute. As difficult as it is to talk about this with you relatives…please please do so and ensure you fully involve them. It is a well-known fact that parents do not want to feel a burden to their children and they will certainly try to hide just how vulnerable they feel.

My closing comment came from a manager at a very homely place who said she does everything she can to reassure her residents they are not a burden!

‘I remind them without them I wouldn’t have such a lovely job.’

 

 

A Father’s Love

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I am having my screen break today and listening to a beautiful CD ‘A Father’s Love‘ a wonderful surprise gift today which arrived in the lunchtime post.

Close friends and followers know I have been working on a my own book:

‘Dancing in my dreams’ for many years about the love and loss of my own father and the words to the tracks on this album are so poignant to me.

Oddly enough only last night I was discussing the subject of not having a father with a friend and how Father-daughter relationships (or lack of them)  affects many girls relationships throughout their life.

I think Fathers often under-estimate the impact their relationship has on their children, Mothers may keep the home and wipe away the tears more often than not but children need their Fathers input and love too. This cannot be measured in time spent but the quality of that time and the intensity of that love and as we know some men are better at demonstrating that love than others.

I only had seven years with my own Father, who died from a massive stroke hence my on-going campaign to support stroke charities and increase awareness. My memories are few but treasured oh so dearly.

Thank you that man for the random act of kindness.

 

 

Positive progress…getting control

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In life we are often faced with stressful situations which can leave us feeling vulnerable, stressed and not in control. My advice is often to first take a deep breath, realise you are not superwoman/man and be realistic in how you are going to solve the problem.

Realising that other people will have some impact and a degree of control may also slow down our thought processes so that we are not in a state of despair or panic but calmly use our intellect rather than let our emotions take control.

I have also learned that not just in my own life, but that of many close friends that one has a cluster of events all happening at once..unfair as that may seem, there are only so many hours in the day and not everyone will be working to or indeed in unison with our diary and time frame.

All these factors compound to make us feel frustrated and not in control, we have to learn that sometimes we are not completely in control and that we are making positive progress albeit slower than we over optimistically thought.

Distracting ourselves away from a major issue will help us regain a sense of balance and inject stillness into our troubled mind. Remember practicing mindfulness and ‘just being’ has an amazing affect. We can then revert to our problems that little bit more in control of our emotions at least.. rather than allowing it to consume our every waking thought which only increases our own stress levels and ability to cope.

When we allow ourselves time to stand back and reflect we often find a better solution rather than rush in all guns blazing. Where possible sleeping helps greatly and often we wake not only feeling refreshed but having had a light bulb moment to help move things along.

Now time for tea me thinks!

Alzheimer’s Society

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Regular followers will know I often talk about transient reminiscent bumps which are triggers bringing memories flooding back. It is not necessarily a bad thing to release stored emotions and a trigger is indeed a release valve enabling this.

These triggers/bumps may take the form of happy memories too inspired by our senses i.e. visually looking at photographs, listening to music, smelling perfumes or even tasting a sweet from our childhood.

Recently the news has been full of exciting announcements of new drugs hopefully to  help people with dementia in the future.

For those with loved ones suffering from dementia there’s useful information available from the Alzheimer’s Society. I thoroughly recommend carers, friends and family to take a look at their website http://www.alzheimers.org.uk  and check out their vast list of leaflets.

I have just received and read: ‘Staying involved and active’ and ‘communicating’ Both offering really practical tips and extremely well written.

As I have always known writing can be very therapeutic as I found when running writers groups and having one-to-one time with clients.

 

National Grief Awareness Day

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Today has been noted as National Grief Awareness Day and my regular followers know that the main theme of my blog is to encourage people to be more bereavement aware and help those who are struggling.

We still have such a long way to go to accept that everyone grieves in a different way and there is no time limit on the grieving process.

As I say so often there are no great words of wisdom to make somebody feel better and remove their sorrow but we can help ease their pain just a little by acknowledging their loss rather than ignoring it… just because we feel uncomfortable and do not know what to say.

The intensity of one’s grief is often determined by the closeness of the relationship we have with our loved one. My advice is to take one day at a time and not to be too hard on yourself. Try to resume activities that you enjoy as your loved one would want you to go on living life to the full..of that I am certain.

To all those out there who have lost somebody they love, try and celebrate their life as best you can, and, as I say so often, death does not end a relationship.

Exam success

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Congratulations to all those students who received their exam results yesterday. For those that may have not quite achieved what they had hoped and, in many cases, needed for their first choice university I send a spiritual hug with the following advice:-

As upsetting and disappointing it may seem to lose that first choice, and the anxiety for yourself and parents going through clearing –  a second choice can often turn out far better in the longer term.

Whilst everyone is pushed to get those A*s as a life coach reminded me that once one receives their Degree, the fact you have passed your previous exams is often what is observed not the particularly grade!

What you may find is the university/course you may succeed in securing via clearing is in many cases as good as a similar if not the same course at your original first choice.

In life things happen for a reason and what may seem the end of the world is not but a different opportunity. Stay focused you may still achieve your dream career via a slightly different route.

I wish you all luck with moving into university and starting the next exciting chapter wherever that may lead you.

When is the right time?

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I had to confess to a close friend that i was having studying withdrawal symptoms…how sad am I? Seriously, I had given myself a little break from my list of courses to do. I had decided not to start up again until my daughter went back to university. Then today I found myself seeking out one of my proposed courses and starting to read my first lesson…

If I am honest I was concerned the longer I put off starting the worse it would be to get back into my routine. As any fellow mature students will realise one has to be really committed, self-disciplined and motivated to return to studying.

I have to say the past few years I have found gaining various qualifications a positive move and I have really enjoyed the reflective reading and evolving as an individual. Finding the right position to make ultimate use of said qualifications has been harder than I envisaged but I know the right role is out there.

For me of course it was a two prong plan as my counselling qualifications have also given me credence to my serious writing projects, currently with my publisher. One has to be patient as some dreams take longer to chase, catch and become a reality.

Q: So when is the right time? A:Now!!

Remember we are never too old to learn new skills.

 

Women moving forward

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Last week at the Global Woman’s Summit the delegates were privileged to hear many inspirational women give their stories.

During the event we had a live link to Barbara Marx Hubbard in the USA. Barbara spoke about  a  new family on earth and the evolution of women:

‘ Impulse of creativity and love. Each full of potential – a new family of humanity.’

Her tips for the audience included how we should –

‘Catch a vision of a world equal to our potential’.

and…how in life we should all: –

‘Ignore the breaking down but look at what is breaking through.’

Closing with a brilliantly positive statement:-

‘Life’s purpose each of us is more.’