Acknowledging loss

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Today I am saluting H.R.H. Prince Harry for his candidness in sharing with others how he feels about the loss of his own mother. From what was shown on news reports yesterday he encouraged children who had lost their own parent to believe they will grow up normal.

Having lost a parent myself at a very early age I can say it is a tragic experience and in my day people were even less comfortable (if that’s possible) in talking about somebody that has died. To a child without the vocabulary to express their own feelings this makes life even more difficult.

One of my biggest bug bearers had always been that in not acknowledging somebody’s existence you are preventing them from grieving naturally especially a child. If anything when somebody loses a parent when they are young they never had the opportunity to get to know them so in denying their existence you are denying the bereaved that too.

My advice is to talk about their parent and share good experiences and allow them to keep their parent alive in their heart and in their memories, as my own Mother used to say ‘memories live longer than dreams’.

The few memories I have of my own father I cherish and I guess my love of music stemmed from listening to him and our Mother enjoying their record collection when we had gone to bed.

I hope to have my own story  ‘Dancing in my Dreams’ published soon.

Today’s new word

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I am always encouraging those around me to extend their vocabularies and learn at least one new word every day. I am reminded when my daughter was about four or five and she had forgotten what her fabulous picture dictionary was called and asked me:-

‘Mummy where is that book that knows everything?’

I think that was a brilliant description of our trusty dictionary.

I found ‘my new word’ yesterday albeit provided by Nick Clegg’s beautiful wife Miriam. It is ‘Sobremesa’ which she explained (in an article within ‘You’ magazine) in Spanish means ‘over the table’. Anybody that has eaten with me knows it will be a good few hours spent not just eating but chewing the cud. Aside of finding me my new word there were one or two of her delicious looking recipes which I will be trying.

I wonder whether the hectic life people lead and the fact that families are not always sitting around the table at the same time to eat is partly responsible for people often not really knowing their children. More importantly not being aware of what could be troubling them…as parents we must open up the dialogue on a regular basis and give our children the opportunity to speak freely about any subject. Sadly, even the families that do communicate well may not see warning signs…as sometimes there aren’t any.

Again this weekend I heard another sad story of a young teenage boy taking his own life absolutely devastating for his close family and friends and the ripples of grief spread far and wide. The increasing statistics for suicides in young men for those that know them should be sending loud alarm bells to not just parents but support networks everywhere.

I recently discussed this very subject with a mother of a young male teacher and we both agreed young men need more good role models in schools and to be encouraged to share more.

School holidays

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School holidays are still terribly long for many students as well as parents trying to finance their children’s activities. For older students it is of course an ideal time to get some work experience and names on your CV.

There are plenty of local charities who might be willing to give a student a placement and be grateful for their time. In life nothing we do should ever be a waste, but an investment in our future. Often by volunteering aside of experience we often open doors for job opportunities.

If you cannot find the ideal placement best suited to your chosen career path you can still show your willingness to be community spirited and contribute socially. These are all worthwhile in the longer term and for those students who will be needing to write personal statements next term any voluntary work will be a bonus and prove your capability of taking the initiative and being responsible.

Please read my article on Innovate My School‘s website:-

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1332-how-to-help-students-with-university-personal-statements.html

Supporting our teenagers

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Being a teenager is a very stressful time and this week I have had the privilege of meeting with and working alongside individuals and charities who support the education sector in one way or another with intervention.

Intervention within schools as well as continual professional development of teachers has consistently grown in necessity. The reasons and causes are many and this week personally I have been examining and researching both for a project.

Revision of exams, taking exams and then finally waiting for the results provide months of stress and anxiety for students and parents alike. As I often mention on my blog remember a second choice may well turn out to be a better one for your child.

Yes, we want our children to achieve well in their exams and hopefully get the university of choice and the career of their dreams but we must be ready to support if these do not become a reality.

There are many outward signs that as parents we may be able to see, but there are also those children who hide their feelings from those close to them…so we need to ask.

Communication in life as in business has always been the key to success.

 

Please read my latest piece on Innovate My School’s website:

 

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/the-true-value-of-cpd

 

Stroke awareness…please sign the petition today

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Bloggers and twitter  followers

Please support the Stroke Association and promote and sign the government petition. The stroke strategy comes to an end with no provision to replace it..sheer madness.

Please support this charity any way you can with donations and awareness they offer superb support to stroke survivors and their families.

 

Encouraging optimism

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Over the years I have had many a debate with colleagues about my optimistic nature and attitude towards life but I don’t know any other better way do you?

An ex-boyfriend who I sometimes accused of being negative if he threw too much water on my latest dream….would correct me and say he was just a realist.  However, on the other hand he so often congratulated me recognising that I was a great ideas person. He stood back in amazement at how in no time whatsoever I would be talking about a project and then doing it. I guess that can also be described as an ‘I can do’ ethos, maybe a  passion in believing in myself and my abilities to succeed. Then again others would say sounds like sheer madness.

Having said all this, I used to work within a legal environment so I also come from a position of preventative rather than cure… so what may appear to some as an instant decision, I will have been planning for some time and have really agonised about the risks.

So I believe what I am saying is we creative types are not completely crazy you know and more often than not our ideas do come to fruition and often help others in the process.

In life we have to sometimes just run with things and hope beyond even our own wildest dreams that things will work out. If we don’t at least try how will we ever know our own limitations? Being curious is what keeps us interesting after all isn’t it?

I strongly believe that things that are meant to be will be, however we can help our destiny along by being proactive and optimistic rather than sitting around waiting for life to happen and complaining when it doesn’t.

Tell somebody you love that you love them today

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My amazing mentor so often said the time to be good to people and show them you care is when they are here and alive.

Many of my close family members and good friends have no problem in telling one another that we love each other but not in a flippant way but just when it feels right. For the un-lovey-dovey minority using the word love doesn’t dilute it’s value… if you mean it when you say it.

Ok for some people saying how we feel and showing emotions is difficult but life can be far more difficult for us and those close to us when we don’t.

I know a friend chose ‘The Living Years’ by Mike and The Mechanics song for his father’s funeral and the words ring true about how as children we always think our parents are from another planet. The essence of this song is quite beautiful and poignant if you have lost a father and wish you had talked more.

Vic Botterill (a great after dinner speaker I know) within his training DVD   ‘Living, Loving and Stress’ reminds his audience how important it is to tell loved ones that we love them and on a regular basis. Vic is an ex Police Officer and has had to deliver tragic news to loved ones..he knows his stuff!

So my message today is tell somebody you love…just that..you love them.

Young at heart

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Part of feeling positive I guess to a certain degree is remaining young at heart. I am known for being sensible and professional when required but also know how to play and have fun.

As my mentor used to say ‘laughing is as good as a tonic’, same said lady was an expert at playing the yo yo. She could do all sorts of tricks and we were always buying her new ones and ones that lit up.

Last week I treated myself to a new wooden yo yo and had great fun last night playing with it much to the amusement of my daughter! It’s almost as much fun as blow bubbles.

Seriously, taking time out to just be and enjoy simple things in life can place us back in the moment  remembering halcyon times as a child… and, for a while, forget about whatever is troubling us.

As for the troubles…these too will pass.

I know it’s Monday but find time to smile and enjoy the day whatever it brings.

Ollie Foundation

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The Ollie Foundation was set up by Stuart Falconer a grieving father who lost his own son Morgan only last year. Speaking to Stuart earlier today I am pleased to hear that interest and support is gathering momentum for the foundation.

I always respect anybody who turns their personal grief into positive action to help others through increased awareness. My followers know male suicide is something which I often write about.  None of us as parents and/or friends should under estimate how important it is for young men to be encouraged to share their emotions, feelings and fears.

Teens are under so much emotional pressure these days which is one of the reasons I write about the true value of CPD for teachers and intervention within the education system. Indeed I work closely with fellow counsellors and life coaches who are proactive in this area.

Please read my latest article on Innovate My School’s website: –

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/ideas/the-true-value-of-cpd

The Ollie Foundation aims to fund intervention training within schools in Hertfordshire and help remove some of the stigma attached to suicide. Having written two books on bereavement I never shun away from raising the subject of suicide nor the fact the families need even more help with coming to terms with their loss.

If you would like to find our more or feel you can help The Ollie Foundation in some way please visit:

http://www.theolliefoundation.org. 

Society generally needs to improve their attitude towards suicide it is getting better but we still have a long way to go.

 

 

Second choice

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During my screen break walk today I met a mother of a teenager awaiting exam results. I  shared my genuine belief that sometimes one’s second choice can be the better option.  I am reminded how last year so many exams had to be remarked..albeit it too late for students to secure their first lost places at the university of choice.

Many students have been surprised just how better a fit their second choice or their clearing place has been.Disappointments in life is something we all have to learn to live with and accept and at any age.

Indeed just today, one of my own projects was rejected and this soon will be revealed perhaps a blessing. As a close friend says ‘what is meant for you won’t pass you by’.

I finish my blog today watching the news to witness the soon to be appointed second female prime minister in my life time. Whether you vote conservative or not it will be interesting to see what Mrs May will contribute the coming years.

I have to confess to be just as interested as to what would happen to the cat at No 10 who is staying put…if he could talk eh?  I bet he is a lib dem voter truth be known!