I had an interesting meeting with a colleague yesterday where we compared how people’s attitude to bereavement and support had changed over the years and improved thankfully. When we were younger we were often left without support trying to make sense of tragic situations.

However, nowadays within schools, colleges and universities help is available and this help and support is expanding for many reasons. Indeed professionals on-site are excellent and discussing this with various colleagues over the past few years -it is apparent they really need and want students to make them aware of issues. Information shared enables them to help, ease students’ pain and offer  support especially if course work is proving difficult which understandably it will.

Along with the various stresses life imposes on our teenage children, they may also be faced with bereavement and find themselves in new territory. The various stages of bereavement are a challenge individually and the bereaved will find themselves facing a string of emotions including anger and maybe even helplessness.

I have often helped others searching to describe their feelings by offering my own description of how ‘I lost my sense of purpose’ when my Mother died and I know that will resonate with many. But it does get easier.

My advice is not to struggle alone but seek help and find somebody to talk to either within your family or outside the circle. In admitting that you are finding it difficult is not a sign of weakness, far from it. I have written many articles on this subject and suppressing one’s emotions may possibly lead to a range of health problems including; sleeplessness, eating disorders, migraines  and other stress related illnesses.

My message today is that you will get through this period, eventually feeling better able to carry on and hopefully begin to enjoy life again. Start to re-visit activities that may have been shelved as bereavement sometimes manifests itself in a desire to withdraw.

Live life to the full and remember it is actually good to cry and real friends will understand that too. However, sometimes we may feel guilty to appear happy or laugh again feeling it is disrespectful to the person who has died, when in fact they would want you to go on living and be happy and not allow your grief to consume you.

My closing  comment would be celebrate their life and not allow the way they died determine who they were…it wasn’t they were amazing in their own way and remember that instead.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending some time with a good friend and minister who shared the following prayer he uses from time to time:-

‘Time there was, but it is gone

Time there will be, who can tell

Time there is, to act upon

God give us grace to use it well

Amen’

Simply put, thought provoking and a good way to reflect and live by.

Make the most of every day and make it count.

 

After an extremely sad weekend; I realise there are some times when although you have all the relevant counselling skills and genuine empathy sadly from personal experience – one still feels inadequate in saying or doing the right thing in supporting somebody you love.

I am fully aware that my approach to life often annoys those around me as I always maintain we should live a day at a time and be good to one another. However, things happen  in life which leave us questioning our faith, (if we have one), as we are left trying to make sense of it all.

When we lose somebody we love suddenly we realise just how precious life is. This is never more true when it is somebody young and maybe the same age as ourselves.

Today my heart goes out to my daughter and her friends in coming to terms with the loss of their young and so beautiful friend. Her family are in my thoughts and prayers, losing a child is one of the hardest heartaches that any parent should have to bear..I am lost for words.

My message to the young is to live for today (safely and sensibly) … follow your dreams whatever they may be.

Love, stay focused and continual to be inspired.

 

I have just re-watched the BBC program about life after suicide. All credit to Angela Samatra for making this brilliant documentary. I hope in time suicide will stop being such a taboo subject and people will talk and more importantly support those that are left behind.

We are still so misinformed about those that take their own life, and sadly many people are judge mental, this does not help the loved ones struggling to come to terms with their loss and facing so many unanswered questions.

We constantly hear the growing statistics of male suicide and depression among teens. It seems every where I have turned this week I am hearing such sad stories of teenagers struggling. Many turn to drugs in an attempt to get control…and that is the thing about drugs they don’t give you control they control you.

Talking with friends over drinks tonight we agreed how too readily drugs are prescribed for those suffering with depression rather than finding out the cause. If somebody is bereaved help them with the process and whilst dispensing  anti-depressants or sleeping pills may be helpful initially bereavement support and counselling is a better approach. Just my opinion but…

Tell those you love that you love them whilst you can.

Here’s hoping the government will respond positively to the pleas and petition and grant the vaccination for meningitis to be given to all children.

Please sign the petition and help with awareness.

If we can prevent this horrendous child illness then there should be no debate surely?

Last night I enjoyed open-dialogue with one of my fave teenagers…you know who you are! We agreed that having parents that care, albeit annoying at times is far better and love is all you need…and of course shoes and handbags.

Joking aside though being able to talk about anything is indeed a privilege and a comfort and if only all relationships could be that honest.

I repeat the wise words of Freud:

Freud’s talking cure; ‘the purpose to change hysterical misery into ordinary human unhappiness.’

Though far better to talk about what is making one feel stressful and therefore unhappy before it develops to a position of hysteria.  We have all heard the saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved.’ which echoes this in simple terms.

As children with a great mentor as a mother we were always encouraged to express our opinions and be confident but also made aware that if something was troubling us we could discuss that too.

Parenting is not just about instructing it is about listening and making sure we find time to do just that.

 

 

I have just watched Monday’s Stephen Fry’s documentary about depression. It is vital that well respected individuals talk openly about mental health issues and the challenges people with conditions such as bipolar have to face.

One of the things which really resonated with me was how teenagers at a school reacted after listening to somebody with mental health issues. Their comments about how adults too often do not want to discuss issues and therefore attach a stigma to issues which need exploring.

It is always better to talk openly and especially to ‘enquiring minds’ that may quietly be having issues of their own. Surrounding adults’ inability to discuss subjects which make them feel uncomfortable only compounds their children’s problems. We ignore the small signs sometimes sadly at our peril.

It is not easy being a teenager in today’s society, so please find time to talk openly and support teens rather than be dismissive of cries for help…it may be more serious than you think.

 

 

 

Morning bloggers and fellow romantics, I posted my Valentine offerings on Friday but today my tip to express love for your loved ones is to think about doing something special for them…

Become first aid trained you may just help save their lives. So little to give of one’s self but it could be so valuable to those you care about and perhaps a perfect stranger that may one day need some assistance.

Yesterday, I attended my refresher course run my Steve Roy of Community First a local trainer. An excellent course, delivered well and well-worth the time and cost.

I have always believed at least one of each set of  parents should be first aid trained, to know what to do whilst waiting for an ambulance to arrive may make a vital difference to your child’s life.

As we discussed yesterday if one has a course of action when an emergency happens it helps prevent the panic and feeling of helplessness. Such a high percentage of accidents happen in the home so it makes perfect sense.

Steve advised that there are also  various First Aid Apps available to download on our phones i.e. St John’s Ambulance and Red Cross.

So, forget the roses and chocolates and do something really useful to express your love.

 

 

 

 

I suspect most women have a few funny stories of valentine’s days romantic gestures and disasters.

Although I come from a marketing background I still squirm at the advantage retailers take of men trying to impress or maybe make an apology to their loved ones.

I remember being taken to a very expensive restaurant where everything was heart shaped..as for the bill it nearly caused a heart attack but I was, after all, worth it!!

Today I tried my best to scare my local Postman, answered the door in my frumpy dressing gown, no make up and hair scrunched to my head…I think this frightened man had already worked out the huge box he was carrying of roses were clearly not for me!

I have however enjoyed the secret keeping as a very romantic young man (currently out of the country) had gone to a lot of trouble and no expense spared to ensure my daughter’s gifts would be here when she comes home from university. I have my eyes on the chocolates…I have no shame!

The last time I came close to being really in love, said man checked himself into hospital rather than have the planned valentine’s meal with me…I rest my case. A cad! I know he sometimes reads my blog…you know who you are!!

Another day, another fella, who rang on the hour every hour on Valentine’s Day checking to see if his flowers had arrived yet? That day the whole village for some reason wanted to knock at my door including the Jehovah Witnesses…the flowers did arrive eventually.

This year I will be spending it with the one I love…my beautiful daughter who has demanded a roast dinner and a sofa day of watching chick flicks…suits me as long as she shares those Belgium chocs.

To all those singletons out there don’t get sad it’s just another day… that you won’t be getting any flowers from the man of your dreams. Haha.

Seriously, don’t dishearten it is leap year. I have my eye on somebody rather special my close friends know who it is…he is super and an animal lover!!! Pass the sedation quickly.

 

 

So pleased to see the subject of male suicide is being discussed more openly in the media of late. Following extract from my forthcoming book on bereavement ‘Dancing in my Dreams‘:-

‘Society can often be extremely cruel and unforgiving on the subject of suicide. It is always seen as a somewhat selfish act, but the person who has decided this is ‘best for them’ may actually be doing it believing it helps ‘save/spare those around’. Whether at the time of making that decision they were in the right or normal frame of mind can vary and be debated for all sorts of reasons. Sadly this feeling may be momentarily but acted upon.

However, one of the few the bonuses of modern media; the death of a celebrity who has chosen to end their life certainly highlights in a positive way the contributing factors of depression, mental illness or other terminal illness and/or drug or alcohol abuse and dependency.

We all need to be proactive in encouraging our male friends and family members to talk more about their emotions and remind them they are loved and valued.

As a close friend reminded me recently when somebody we love takes their own life there are just so many unanswered questions.