friendships

Friendships

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

I hope I never take my close friends for granted and I try to be grateful on a regular basis. It is no secret that appreciating what we have in terms of valued friendships is what real worth is about.

Nothing better than having a brunch with a study buddy who ‘gets you’ and is as passionate about your ambitions and achievements as you are…that’s true friendship.

What a fab start to the week not one but two sessions with like-minded people. Salad dinner out with another over-achiever who understands the desire to continually self develop and learn more.

Life is good if you allow it to be and invest in your own life and your friendships.

The mind, as I often say is a brilliant piece of kit if we just take time to learn how it works and what it can do!

Thank God for fellow mature students!

Not a secret to me!

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I have just watched the brilliant IT documentary ‘Secrets of growing old’. This really was a great testimony about the bonuses of growing old and how ‘the elderly’ should be respected and cherished. No surprise to hear how older people understand  how younger minds work in terms of conflict – we learn to defuse and love more I guess.

I am always saying how one is never too old to learn new skills and the amazing people in this magical portrayal of people over fifty++ proved exactly that. A must watch!

The people featured certainly showed how the mind works in many improved ways with age.  How the mind is much more free to explore new things and how the left hand and right hand side of our brain connect more giving us the bonus of both applying logic and creativity.

I often write about how smells unlock memories we have forgotten and this was covered in several ways confirming just what a great piece of kit our brain is. Use it well!

I particularly liked the discussions about how our ability to love and care is refined. Not surprising then that often people move to pastoral roles as they improve with age and have wisdom of experience to use their increased empathy skills.

Interesting feature about a project in a community for the elderly where they brought in chickens to care for; it brought lonely people together and gave many a purpose. Having kept chickens they are amusing and it has been proven that having pets to care for reduces the risk of heart attack..by a third!

As we get older we become more honest and wise – so we do deserve respect. However, we are not afraid of being childish and do not worry so much about what other people think. That resonated well with me! 

An 83 year old model now living her dream commented how the insecurities of youth prevent us from doing things. Proving age is just a number!

 

Finding time for you

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So often I find myself at social gatherings with friends saying how guilty they feel about wanting time for themselves over and above what they do for their husbands and family.

Why? I ask them. We are all much happier in all relationships if we have space and time to do something for ourselves and pursue an activity or long term ambition. I am quite lucky though I have several female friends that are my study buddies and achieving all sorts of great things..I know I say it a lot it really is never too late.

For those people who are unhappy with their life there is only one person who can help you move on to a more rewarding life…and that’s you!  If you need life coaching or counselling to help you achieve it then seek it.

I repeatedly remind people that are feeling they are in a midlife crisis that there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel fulfilled. Just don’t ask too much of your partner we have to make our own contentment and not expect that to be the sole responsibility of others.

I read a very interesting article today echoing what I have been saying for a long time men’s position in today’s society is a struggling one for many.

Place nicely.

 

Caring for our elderly…moving on

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Over the past weeks I have had several reasons to reflect on how we care for our elderly and supporting them has been top of the agenda. Talking recently to my Chairman of our local charity to help the elderly; we compared the UK with how other countries hold their elderly in such high regard and we could do more I’m sure.

I am of the age where friends’ parents are becoming frail, sometimes in and out of hospital, sometimes having to make the difficult decision to leave their homes and move into a nursing home. As it is the Stroke Association’s purple awareness month I must of course mention stroke survivors and dependent upon the severity may have no option but move to full time care.

As with most things in life we tend to focus on the negative reports, but as I expressed to a friend today they can be useful in helping us be aware and cautious enough to ask more questions. Not all nursing homes are dreary places, but nice decor aside it’s the staff’s attitude that’s paramount in us feeling certain our loved ones will be as happy as the circumstance permits but more importantly safe.

What I always find sad is those people who have fought to keep their independence and are very bright and positive are suddenly faced with losing their independence and sometimes left without feeling active in the decisions being made around them.

I have visited a nursing home today but not naming for many reasons but it made me realise that maybe I should be doing a bit more for the elderly as well as my pro-activity already and more recent focus on teens. Today’s experience thankfully was a positive one though even if it did remind me of visiting my own Mother in a hospice.

A friend shared his own Father’s advice today:

‘As you grow older you realise you have two hands; one for helping yourself and one for helping others.’ 

A sentiment I agree with wholeheartedly and of course there is nothing as strong as the heart of a volunteer.

Not forgetting of course those who have moved to that next place -location depends on your viewpoint. My Mother is on her beach in heaven making everybody smile.

 

 

 

The reason we are here

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I am writing my blog tonight listening to the ‘birds’ evening song’ which I love..it is both peaceful and yet victorious at the same time.

Another great night with the ‘Friday club’ a group of great friends and brave debaters. Tonight we were reminded how one is not supposed to talk about religion, politics  or sex. But…as I voiced that all three affect our lives to a certain degree so how can we avoid them? Obviously the ‘in’ and ‘out’ discussion took place and I am not talking belly buttons! Though that would be far more interesting than the Europe debate.

My great minister pal and I had our usual discussion about one’s purpose and how many do not only never get the meaning of life but do not understand the reason they are here either.

I had spoken about this to a certain degree with one of my followers earlier today when I expressed how my great mother was here for a reason. She was a ‘master’! For those that have read ‘Many lives, many masters’  (a great spiritual read) will understand that one and for those who have not then read it and awaken your spirituality this summer!

Life is good the birds outside just confirmed that.

Honouring our loved ones

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Grief doesn’t leave us overnight it is a process and a journey with many stops at places that we would like to bypass. Sadly we have to go through the various stages and quite likely to visit some if not all of them again. There is no quick route.

Bereavement is all about expressing that love we had for our loved one and that intensity of the relationship determines our own bereavement.

What we must acknowledge is to have known and loved somebody is a gift and we should honour that gift by not being ashamed of feeling angry or sad or embarrassed about crying.

We keep our loved ones alive in our heart and in our mind and to do that we need to talk about them and remember them.

Not talking about somebody that has died does not help anybody.  Allow the bereaved to mourn and remember and any of us can do that by simply befriending and talking.

Third time lucky…believe achieve

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How much of our life’s achievements are based on luck? Good question, but often people say third time lucky and today it was for me I passed my driving test.

With huge thanks to Nigel Smart my driving instructor for his patience and positive encouragement. As a mature student who had put off driving for ages I needed all the encouragement I could get. I would highly recommend Nigel to anybody of any age; http://www.nigelsmart.co.uk

Also to my wonderful friends that came out driving with me and some of them are still friends!! Joking aside, my female friends have been brilliant with ‘you can do this’ mantra and a special thank you to Mr Twocups… who prompted me to start driving again.

Even very positive people who are not normally nervous are nervous on their driving test it’s  a fact. I made the examiner laugh as I confessed to being nervous, but have passed five counselling qualifications…explain that one!

But today I went armed with a photo of my amazing mum for luck and I would like to think aside of my safe driving skills that she was with me today and helped me bring home my certificate.

Believe achieve; as my favourite young friend says! Today I wrote that down before leaving the house and it was the first thing I said to my instructor.

 

 

 

 

Brightest light

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It is no secret to creative types that the brightest light may come from the darkest place.

Artists, writers and musicians will often reveal how some of their best work has been inspired by something which may have had a great emotional impact on their life.

An ex-boyfriend who was an amazing talented composer and musician found music his escapism and his sanity through difficult times.

Art therapy helps many people express themselves and this is something often used in helping children overcome bereavement and trauma.

Writing as an example can of course be therapeutic the book shops are full of poetry for example written by the broken-hearted.  When I ran my writers group a lot of hidden emotions revealed themselves on paper.

I know my blog posts are sometimes inspired by something that has tugged at the old heart strings – maybe an injustice and driving me to support a worthwhile cause.

On a more positive note romance is an excellent aphrodisiac to get the ink flowing from one’s nib!

But remember what William Makepeace Thackeray said about that:-

‘That’s the way with poets, they fall in love; jilt or are jilted. They suffer and then cry out that they suffer more than any other mortal’

 

 

 

Had enough of you…thank you!

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Another amazing adventure with my favourite four year old friend sooooo cute and prettier that words can describe. I really love to dip into children’s imaginary world where curiosity is working at its very best.

Yesterday we were treated to her looking for her imaginary baby chicks and asked ‘to form a circle’ Leftovers from her morning at nursery school apparently.

A magical age where any question answered is followed by the question ‘why?’ Reminding us how we take so much for granted and what people say on face value whereas they want and need to know more. Casual use of words are received by children as though we are speaking another language and confirms just how daft and confusing certain aspects of the English language are.

It is also that stage where everything we say is repeated back several times. The phrase of the day was ‘I’ve had enough of you!!‘ Followed by a very high pitched loud ‘Thank you!‘. This was repeated more times than I care to count and directed at the whole household  – including a bemused Cat who probably was just wondering if that would be followed by  food of some description! Meanwhile her nine month old brother replied to her in a language all of his own equally as intriguing.

During one of our many cuddles I was told ‘You smell lovely.’ Gee thanks kid!

Meanwhile back in the real world the proactive within the community were out casting their votes. In my village the right man was re-elected proving that our village and ward had not ‘Had enough of him’ and expressed ‘Thank you’ for all his hard work by putting that all important X in the correct box!

**No animals were harmed in the research of and/or writing of today’s blog.

 

Beautiful young people

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I was going to stay off the blog today, but in my email box came a lovely message from a young lady I had a chance meeting with just two weeks ago. This encounter prompted my blog April 14th ‘Coffee with a stranger’. It just reminded me how easily we can all touch people we meet with kindness or just a simple word of encouragement at the right time. I now have a new friend, and blog fan. hello Ashleigh!

I am surfacing following an extremely emotive but beautiful day yesterday. Attending the funeral of an amazing young woman who made such an impact in her nineteen years and touched people by her simple acts of kindness.

As sad as it was to see so many young people upset over the loss of a such a special friend I was also in absolute awe of not only her mother’s beautiful address, but how three young people, her lovely sister, boyfriend and best friend had the courage to also speak and I know that is not easy.

I was also overwhelmed by the love that filled the church which just confirmed what a difference one person can make to so many lives they touch along the way. This particular young woman was kind and compassionate far beyond her years. Few lines from one of the poems read out:

You can shed tears that she’s gone;

‘You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived.‘

‘You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want; smile, open your eyes, love and go on.’

For those they knew and loved her that is exactly what she would want for all her friends to follow their dreams and do well.