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Helping children through bereavement

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Regular followers will know that I frequently blog about supporting children through bereavement. The best thing one can ever do is to encourage a child to talk, share and remember their loved one…denying their existence is unhelpful. However, when a whole family is mourning it is very difficult to measure at what stage of the bereavement process each member has reached. We are ready to talk and open up when we are ready there are no right or wrong ways and everyone will grieve in their own way.  Remember grief is private but if we share it the journey becomes easier.

I salute Rio Ferdinand for having the courage to produce the documentary showed last night ‘Being Mum and Dad’ . He gave an honest account of just how hard it is to not only lose a partner but support children mourning their mother. The programme featured several of the main charities that offer practical support to children and encourage the bereaved to remember their loved ones by writing notes and keeping them in a memory jar. He also spoke to other widows who shared their own emotive stories.

I never forget the amazing way our own mother coped with being widowed with five children to comfort too. Her story and mine are told in  ‘A Mother’s Love’ Gospels according to Dorothy is now available to download from Amazon kindle.

As I have said several times we keep our loved ones alive in our mind and our heart.

 

Is my cat listening?

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OK I confess I  am known as ‘crazy cat woman‘ with friends buying me signs and mugs stating this obvious fact.

Seriously, I am certain I am not alone in talking to my cats. The other day Maisy and I were deep in conversation about just how daft Lenny (the tom cat brother from another mother) is.

I found myself telling her how clever and pretty she was and received a rather blank stare back..so I found myself explaining what pretty meant and using other words to describe my beautiful furry friend. More worrying was that this conversation was said out loud and not in my head.

The six million dollar question to be answered I guess is…Is my Cat listening? And, secondly, just how good is her vocabulary anyway? I always encourage everyone to learn a new word a day so I don’t see my feline friend should be left out.

With apologies to Lenny as I did find him reading a book the other night. (I have photographic proof too)!!

Regular followers: No need for concern the blood sugar level is a bit low this morning and normal service will be resumed shortly.

Updating friends…in a flash

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Ok today I stand accused of meaning to ring a client/friend for far too long. The years, then months go past far too quickly. We touch base on various forms of media and comment and congratulate each other on our latest achievements but…

In the middle of a hectic day two amazing women found time to quickly discuss a project and catch up on the achievements of our family. In just a short space of time we talked projects, publishing, education, counselling and we agreed on sensitive topics and how best to handle them, we laughed, we shared tips and exchanged knowledge on all manner of things! Women are so beautifully talented at fitting in so much, giving generously of ourselves to others, caring, giving advice in an instant then flying off to the next challenge.

Mary..recognise yourself?? Lovely catching up, I was mindful you were busy and I am racing against the clock. Quick meeting of minds with a fellow writer and positive spiritual person gives one that fab warm feeling!

My blog message today is to pick up that phone and speak to a human being it’s so much fun and rewarding.  Don’t wait for an excuse just do it!

The way we think

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We all too frequently use the term ‘glass half empty/full’ when really we may be identifying a friend or colleague’s viewpoint as negative or positive. To a certain degree that is true but on a much deeper level a lot of what we achieve and/or fear in life is down to whether or not we are problem thinking or outcome thinking.

Most of us as we become adult take on board that in life we have to take responsibilities for our actions and make positive steps to achieve our goals and lead a happier life.

It all sounds so simple but for many of course that is not the case. So many people have fixed stumbling blocks which prevent them from getting on with their life and realising their ambitions and dreams.

If our negativity is in relation to our career prospects then telling ourselves we will never improve our situation or get that better paid job is problem thinking whereas if we look realistically at learning new skills to secure that position ..we are outcome thinking.

As I have said only recently when chewing the cud with a special somebody…the brain really is like a sponge and the more we learn the more confident we become.

I know I am fortunate in that I have never lost the hunger to learn new things but for those that are struggling consider seeking some NLP Life and Work skills counselling as that dream may easier to live and closer than you think. As for those stumbling blocks they can be knocked down, walked around or even jumped over..now there’s encouragement for a Monday morning eh?

Surviving the blitz…kindness of strangers

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Morning fellow bloggers, writers, friends, family and positive folk.  I was absent from my blog yesterday as I had a trip to London. I know a few close friends and family raised an eyebrow or two (well those that didn’t pluck them when they were younger!!) that I was ‘still going’.

Of course I was ‘still going’, my mother survived the London bombings of World War II and if there was one thing she taught our family was not to live our lives in fear. She also talked often of the kindness of strangers during that time and the positive spirit of Londoners.

As events which have left many of us greatly saddened and shocked this week proved, yet again, how strangers will run to the aid of others. Today however, like so many, I would like to congratulate all our emergency services for the amazing job they do every day and especially days like Wednesday.

Turning up for work in London…

I for one really appreciated seeing a good Police presence yesterday at mainline stations and sincere thanks to the amazing medical professional I saw at London UCLH hospital.

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However, I am mindful that this week’s events will bring to the surface traumatic memories for those who have been caught up in and/or witnessed previous similar tragedies both home and abroad. As always support those that need it and allow them to talk and release any personal emotions and new anxieties.

Remember:  these are isolated, albeit unforgiveable attacks, and, the Police are thwarting these and protecting us all the time. Be positive, go about your normal business and live a day at a time.

Tell those you love them that you do…to the moon and back. Does it need saying? Yes it certainly does!!

World Poetry Day

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World Poetry Day: How could I go without posting a few lines from one of my own poems? Yesterday being the first day of spring I have chosen something romantic..everyone loves a fool in love. Inspired by a very special guy albeit a cad!

The Stranger’s Garden

Last Summer a butterfly drifted into the stranger’s garden. Enticed by his flowers and well kept lawn. She was caught unawares in his net.

She’s happy it is a sunny place to be. There are new things to see every day. She wants to stay – she likes it there.

In the house, and from a safe distance, He watches her beauty. Still uncertain of her colours.

He believes he has captured her. Her flutter-like moods amuse and intrigue him.He’s gentle so as not to damage her delicate wings.

Annie Manning  February 2003

Oh the madness of love eh time to reach for the kettle and  choccy biccy or two.

Drat..the beauty of mobiles just had a message from my dentist a check up due…somebody loves me!

My mum and Richard Gere

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Everyone’s talking about the kindness of George Clooney visiting an 87 year old in a nursing home making her day. Well done George I say!

It immediately reminded me of my mum’s wee crush on Richard Gere and how her and a few ladies from her church club would take themselves off to the cinema to see his films. This really made me chuckle they were in their seventies. One day she did say;

‘I have left the bedroom window open, but, alas, he didn’t climb in’.

This was followed by the fact that;

‘Remember -having a man brings dirty socks too’. ..What a woman!

Why am  telling this story?… as we approach Mother’s day for those of us who find this day a struggle I am suggesting you think of a funny story of your own mother to bring a smile to your face..as that is what they would want. For us to remember their love and the good times.

My own tribute to Dorothy (my mum) is available  now on Amazon Kindle.

‘A Mother’s Love’ My Mum said…Gospels according to Dorothy.

 

Missing the Ferry…sheer Irish magic!

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Last night fans of ‘Missing the Ferry’ were treated to a sizzling hot night of great music at the Farmer’s Boy pub St Albans. The band consisting of three oh so talented brothers, Paul, Kevin and Chris Anderson and Kevin (the adopted brother and fourth band member). All three men have great voices as well as  skilful playing of multi-instruments throughout the night.

They played some of the really great Irish classics: Dirty Old Town, Galway girl, Black Velvet Band, Irish Rover and had everyone loving their St Patrick’s weekend set. The band also writes their own songs that avid followers love and expect…more please guys! They played some of my favourite, and most haunting Irish ballads with Chris on Mandolin and Paul on the penny whistle the pub was filled with what can only be described as ‘Sheer Irish magic’.

Paul confessed to having a cold, and having lived with a singer for many years I know this affects one’s voice, but I have to say he sounded even more like Bob Dylan brilliant. Kevin on bass guitar sings in such a natural Irish way..don’t think he realises just how good he is..so laid back.

Chris the youngest of the three brothers has a lot of energy and passion for his music and is an engaging frontman when required. All four members really complement each other’s varying talents, dynamics in the band work well. They are obviously are having so much fun and always ensure that their audience do too.

Well done to Kevin for his rendition of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire..really was party night and a great way to end St Patrick’s celebrations.

Luck of the Irish

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Happy Saint Patrick’s day to all my Irish friends and colleagues and connected family.

I hope those of you placing a bet today will be lucky…though we all know the bookies always win! Drat.

I am looking forward to a weekend of fab Irish music courtesy of ‘Missing the Ferry’ who are playing locally St Albans. I will be there Sunday night at The Farmer’s Boy.

Be kind

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When I tuned into This Morning earlier I was thrilled to see their guest counsellors and parents were there to promote their latest campaign; ‘be kind’ details of which can be found on their website. They are asking for  a video linked to be shared so please visit the website in support.

For more years than I care to remember I have been flying the flag of kindness and how it is a strength and not a weakness. Whilst I write about anti-bullying I am happy to promote ‘be kind’ to stop the first we need to remind children to be the second!

Today’s children as we know full victim to cyber-bullying 24/7 and it is down to everyone to encourage our own children not to be a bully and be aware of the consequence of their actions including words within all media, though my generation thought this was normal to parenting. I agree with the brave parent of a child who sadly paid the ultimate price of bullying (Lucy Alexander) it is ‘collective responsibility’.

So today’s awareness blog gives me another opportunity to provide a link for my own article on Innovate My School’s website which has amazing advice articles provided by professionals within the education and support sectors.

http://www.innovatemyschool.com/industry-expert-articles/item/1670-how-schools-can-tackle-cyberbullying.html

At a recent birthday party I spoke to a few Dads of five year olds and reminded them to encourage their children to talk about things which worry them, as too often children who are bullied do not tell anyone…and yes Dads that includes boys!!