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Happiness…being a cat

~ credo2014 ~ Leave a comment

People measure happiness in all kinds of ways and it may seem that some people are not happy unless they are complaining…we all know people like that! My amazing mother and mentor would label such people as ‘having a flea in their ear’!

Happiness comes from within, yes another person can enrich our life but expecting the whole of our life’s happiness to lay in the hands of our partner, children or best friend is unrealistic and suffocating.

Life is undoubtedly what we make it and with such a little effort we can find that happiness we crave and maybe enrich the lives of others too.

I discussed this recently with somebody who realises they are negative and no doubt finds a positive person like me very irritating. We have to want to effect change and it isn’t about changing our character but adopting a more positive attitude that will not only make us happier but make life easier for those around us.

I see this a typical relationship between my two cats, my tom is as daft as a brush but oh so loving whereas my little lady cat is far more intelligent and finds his energetic antics very annoying and he is often met with a hiss and a paw swipe around his ear.

But in life we cannot really go around hissing at people who are demanding of our time, sanity and patience..if we are honest we know they are unhappy or they wouldn’t come out scratching. Really they need stroking but withdraw away and if we corner them emotionally the fur will only fly.

I am very fortunate as I have a great circle of positive close friends (cool cats) .When we go out together we inspire each other and have fun alongside being able to share the struggles we may be having too. We all come away purring and my breakfast buddy today gives so much to everyone…a purrfect feline

As usual I prove my point and of course Freud’s ‘the talking cure’ gets us on the road to happiness. To the old tom cat reading my blog today…yes we come from the same litter in another life. Brother from another mother!

If you like the catty style of my blog today please read ‘Keep Scratching’ (by Evelyn King); my Kindle anthology of cat poems is available from Amazon.

Mindfulness

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Adopting the theory of mindfulness within CBT as believed and practiced by Buddhists is about learning to live positively in the moment. Making every day count and not living by dwelling on past negative experiences and/or living in fear of what terrible fate awaits one in the future but focusing on the here and now. Half of our deep seated worries will never come to fruition and the other half ….do not actually exist!

One can be aware of something without the necessity of allowing it to become all consuming, but opt to moving on to the next thought process to dilute its importance.  Standing back, reflecting, accepting and thinking ‘In the scheme of things’ one could soon realise the concerned thought is in fact trivia and not worthy of the time and mind space or level of anxiety.

A modern day professor of philosophy Morrie Schwartz was a great advocate of this within his teachings. The script from the film ‘Tuesday’s with Morrie’ dramatizing his final months of his life provides excellent material for anybody studying the subject of counselling/theology. Morrie said: ‘You cannot spare somebody’s feelings by denying them, but forgive now –that’s the tension of opposites –we learn from what hurts us as much as what loves us.’ 

He spoke of being mindful: ‘The Buddhists believe that one should speak to the little imaginary bird sitting on one’s shoulder and ask everyday ‘Am I leading the life I want to live?’ Which I believe to be an excellent way of putting on the breaks and reminding us that life is short and each day should be treasured and enjoyed for what it brings as part of life’s rich tapestry.

Live a day at a time and live it well.

Mindfulness…parenting and teens

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Over the past few days I have been in the company of various friends and colleagues currently working within the education sector. There is a growth requirement for well-being support roles as this sector struggles to help students cope with stress levels.

Many of us are also parents of teenagers who seem to be having such a stressful time of it, the pressures of modern day society and desire to succeed and achieve in examinations sadly is overwhelming for many.

We know that teenagers are in many cases turning to drugs and in need of great support and understanding. Maybe as adults we understand the meaning of mindfulness and possess coping strategies but forget our children have yet to learn through experience of life.

As I constantly say all children are amazing in their own way and not all can be great high academic achievers. It is also a well-reported statistically proven fact that young boys do not share their feelings and anxieties and as parents it is a tough task trying to get them to open up.

I repeat on a daily basis it is not easy being a teenager in today’s society, as parents we must engage as much as they will allow us to. Never be too busy to open up that communication line we need to know what’s going on and ignore warning signs at our peril.

Being grateful

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I think we all take our health and mobility for granted. It’s not until we suffer an injury or maybe have to care for a loved one who may suddenly become ill that we realise how much our life and freedom relies on being fit and healthy.

I often write about the affects a stroke has both physically and emotionally and how the loss of use of a limb whether temporary or permanent is in some ways like a mini bereavement.

Sometimes the simplest of injuries can render us incapable of achieving everyday simple tasks and as frustrating as that can be we must spare a thought for those people who are coping with incredible challenges every day all their lives.

Yesterday I went to to see the film ‘Me before you’ it is a beautiful film which really does make one think just how we do take our lives and abilities for granted. It also bravely and sensitively dealt with the right to choose to die. There wasn’t a dry eye in the cinema.

In life it really is about living our life a day at a time and making it count by being the best we can. Moreover trying not to take anything for granted.

 

Combating stress

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Throughout our lives we will meet stress head on and often without much notice. However, there are things in life which we do get an opportunity to prepare for and to help us keep stress levels down and sanity in tact.

I am surrounded by friends with children sitting exams and it is a very stressful time for students. Often those students who have a goal in life and their career options chosen apply so much self-inflicted pressure to do well. Whereas the student who may not know what they really want to do will appear to sail through their exams and many without a lot of revision…according to their parents.

However, there are things that can be done to help our children during these times by encouraging exercise and pleasure activities alongside. Even those mums that do yoga themselves could do a lot worse than teach their children simple breathing and relaxing techniques.

I know many exams are now drawing to a close this week but for the students the stress isn’t over as they tend to worry all summer until the results are announced. As I was discussing today with a colleague often what may appear a reluctant second choice may  turn out a better option. Indeed I remember blogging this concept last August with so many students  having to have remarks, but aside of the results many lost their first/preferred university options and were having to consider alternatives via clearing..for many this wasn’t the end of the world as they feared…it was a better option far beyond their imagination.

We know that worrying about things won’t change them and as parents we really feel for our children during exam period and the ultimate results day. Stay positive and open minded and try not to make yourself stressed worrying for them!

 

Reflection…parenting

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Reflection isn’t just about looking in the mirror and examining how we think and look at things ourselves but also observing others around us. Behind the actions of others which may be alarming to us there is always something going on which may not be obvious to the naked eye. We think people are putting on a mask to hide how they feel and more often than not that is just what they are doing.

However, mask or not there are other signs which one can look out for which will help us put the jigsaw pieces together and this involves acting as the FBI agent when parenting! We constantly hear about how teens are stressed, self harming and experimenting in drugs but as parents we have to  think ‘why’ and how we can stop these trends if indeed we can.

It is very easy to blame the parents, and solo parents get the hardest deal when the truth is they often take their parenting more seriously than some two-parent families. You are on your own and you want to get it right. Being both mum and dad can be extremely hard. For those that are fortunate to have their ex-partners still in their children’s lives it can be just as difficult to know when to involve Dad.

I hate to gender determine certain situations but I know my own Mother worried about the lack of a Father figure being left widowed with a young family. We all do the best we can do and hope we have got it right. As I was reminded again recently teenage brains are not fully developed until early twenties in terms of reasoning so often the parental advice will go in one ear out the other!

Festival time is on the horizon and parents will be worrying about their children’s safety…I know I did when my daughter went to Reading two years back but we have to let them venture out into the world even if they do come back grubby and tired!

 

 

Redbourn Auto Solutions -great service

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My regular followers know my blog is all about awareness and being positive. Whenever possible I like to help charities and businesses with awareness especially if I have had good service. Speaking as a Quality Consultant it is so easy to complain but many of us do not take the time out to congratulate people when they get it right. But I do!

After several calls and ridiculous quotes from a franchise operation for a replacement exhaust I got the distinct impression I was going to have unnecessary work carried out. Thankfully I was recommended to give Redbourn Auto Solutions a call. I like to support local business anyway and was met with polite and efficient service.

From my first telephone call  I really felt this  family company was one I could trust. Without offence to Ian when I handed over the car keys I felt my daughter’s car was in good hands…as though ‘My Dad’ was taking control.

As it turns out I didn’t need three parts of the exhaust or a new cat converter!! My replacement part was quoted, fixed and my car was ready to collect quickly and efficiently and a darn sight cheaper than I had feared.  The money I saved will be changed to euros for said daughter’s holiday – so whole family is happy and the car is quieter!

I would have no hesitation in recommending them  –  I already have! We will definitely be using them for service/pre MOT assessment. I know a lot of my female colleagues get their male partners to take their cars in for repairs as some garages take advantage of the fairer sex….this will never be the case with Redbourn Autos!

Give them a try….Tel: 01582 679300

 

MND Awareness month

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Zoe Ball is helping with awareness for MND this month so i hope my own followers will re-tweet this post.

For anybody that has cared and watched a loved one deteriorate with this disease they will know how quickly this particularly disease can change their mobility and quality of life.

There are support agencies available though often these are rejected initially as sufferers try to come to terms with the knowledge their life expectancy may have been shortened by this illness.

Please support the Motor Neurone Disease Association who fund research.

Visit their website http://www.mndassociation.org

Prejudice and assumptions

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My Mother was raised with the true realisation of just what harm prejudice of class and religion can do. As such she raised us not to be prejudice or make assumptions about what or who people are and I try to be the same.

A regular phrase we heard as children was ‘there are good and bad in all.’  and ‘A child doesn’t ask to be born a particular, nationality, colour or religion.‘ Both somewhat simple if not obvious statements but well worth bearing in mind. In applying these simple ‘rules’ none of us would be prejudice or make assumptions that more often than not are wildly inaccurate.

Often in life people think they know you and what your beliefs are when in fact they don’t, whilst not being afraid to write personal articles I am actually a private person and try to respect the privacy of others too.

I just wish more people would just live and let live and leave others to live their life in the peace and harmony they deserve. Whatever ‘your god’ or your faith may be at the end of the day we are all ‘some god’s children’ just because ‘your book’ contains suggested rights and wrongs written centuries ago it doesn’t mean it is relevant in today’s modern society.

I thought we had made progress and evolved  -whichever way we chose to live our life should be just that ‘our choice’!

Just love don’t judge.