I will dedicate today’s blog to a certain gentleman who kindly follows my blog. Sharing is such a good thing to do providing it feels right of course!

I wonder how many men  don’t share as they can’t get a word in edge-ways with talkative women? I can say that girls as I am well-known for having something to say and not afraid to voice it…I couldn’t run a blog if I couldn’t let’s face it.

Earlier this week U3A members were treated to revealing tips on Body Language from Vic Botterill. Not a member myself but as a visiting writer I have written up his talk for the area newsletter. Extract giving food for thought:-

‘As far as signs to watch out for in personal relationships Vic certainly got a few laughs from the audience and, sometimes at the expense of his fellow man, but well received by the ladies.  However I am pleased that he also took time to remind us that men do not talk about their feelings and how sadly many men are now confused about their place in society and depressed. We modern day women have to take some responsibility for that one.

Vic and I engaged in a more serious discussion after his talk; it is well documented that sadly there is a very high suicide rate among men. I personally am always asking female friends to encourage their husbands, brothers and sons to talk more. Sharing feelings and our problems is not a weakness in my book and bottling up our emotions is unhealthy in oh so many ways.  We agreed that bereavement and especially suicide still remains a somewhat taboo subject to many and this attitude within society is of no use whatsoever to the bereaved.’

It’s good to talk!

 

I read with interest the article in the St Albans review last night about The Ollie Foundation set up by Stuart Falconer a grieving father who lost his own son Morgan only last year.

I salute anybody who turns their grief into positive action and male suicide is something which I often cover on my blog. Indeed only yesterday I was discussing this very subject with a colleague and how important it is for young men to be encouraged to share their emotions, feelings and fears.

This particular foundation aims to fund intervention training within schools in Hertfordshire and help remove some of the stigma attached to suicide. Having written two books on bereavement I purposely did not shun away from raising the subject of suicide nor the fact the families need even more help with coming to terms with their loss and that society generally needs to improve the attitude towards suicide.

With my own counselling training and experience preventative rather than cure always gets my vote. If you would like to find our more please visit:

http://www.theolliefoundation.org. 

 

Today I attended and enjoyed a further talk given by the talented Vic Botterill ‘Liars and Lovers’ his second appearance at Redbourn U3A and a follow up talk on body language.

Vic manages to deliver an interesting talk amusingly so and always pitched at the right level of his audience.

He revealed secrets about sex signals, desire and lust. What makes people attractive and how to spot when somebody is lying.

Formerly a Chief Inspector within Hertfordshire Constabulary where he was active in delivering training this man knows his stuff. Definitely recommend him to any groups looking for an informative yet entertaining speaker.

Visit http://www.afterdinnerspeaker.co.uk for further information.

 

 

Rarely a day goes by when one or other of my friends will remind me that parenting is such a rewarding role but such a challenge too.

As I repeatedly remind friends and family members that even when we have the tools and skills when the situation involves somebody that we love and care about our sense and logic can be in short supply as our emotions take hold.

Compound this with the fact that no two children are the same and any child with the best parents can take us by surprise and/or even disappoint us at times. Indeed I was reminded by a life coach colleague that as parents when we over-congratulate our kids that puts pressure on them too. It’s a tough job to get right all the time!!

Parenting really is a case of learning on the job, then forgetting everything you have learned thus far! Seriously though I still maintain my daughter was my best project to date and remind myself how fortunate I am to love and witness her achievements. But I do have an increasing number of grey hairs…that’s called parenting too!

Since becoming a parent aside of how one’s sense of perspective changes I have also found increased respect for my own Mother who brought five of us up as a widow..now that was parenting at its best!

 

The loss of a child is grief beyond comprehension to most parents. I know my aunt never really recovered after my cousin was killed tragically in a car accident just age 18.

This weekend sees the 20th anniversary of Dunblane. I watched the emotive BBC documentary earlier this week and was amazed at those families sharing their experiences.

I was particularly impressed by the Headmaster both in interviews featured at the time of this terrible event and in taking part in the documentary. His own words he described how difficult it is to keep the box in his head with those memories closed.

The ripple effect of grief was also mentioned which people often forget, aside of the family and close friends tragedies such as this affect whole communities.

How wonderful it was when all the children returned to school just nine days after and what moved me was how one of the surviving children, although shot, refused to allow it to define who he is..it is just what happened.

I always encourage those going through bereavement not to define their loved ones by how they died but by how they lived their life and who they were.

Do many of us actually reach an age of maturity (whatever that may be) without having our hearts broken? I doubt it, but not all of us will openly admit it.

The power to love another is an amazing gift but sometimes we give it to the wrong person who at the time we are certain they are! That my friends is life.

We’ve all been there, writing can of course be extremely therapeutic. A piece included within my anthology ‘Beyond the Double Rainbow’  describes that feeling.

The cord

 I feel as though I’m tied to him

Just like a Mother and her unborn child.

I wait patiently for the birth of our love to arrive

…so I can at last dance free again.

 

Will the child breathe easy unaided by me?

Is it a healthy child or is it frail and undernourished?

I so wanted it to be a happy bonny child

…like love’s supposed to be.

 

Who will be brave enough to finally cut the cord?

Will we both survive and live and love separately?

Or will one of us be unable to cope –

….alone without the warmth of the other’s love.

 

And so the song says *‘if you love someone set them free’

and ‘The tallest trees most definitely grow apart’

Annie Manning

 

 

So what should I offer my followers today being ‘International Womens’ Day’?

My usual advice follow your dreams whatever they may be. Alongside my self-development studying I am busy writing and like many budding authors have to pitch my projects to the world of publishers.

Today, it’s been mainly about my projects, (for a change) and I am pitching ‘The Little book of Kisses’ a lighthearted yet factual book about…yes you’ve guessed it kissing!

Yes, I know Valentines Day has passed but kissing is an all year round event..didn’t you know?

I will keep you updated and fingers crossed not too many rejections!