happiness

memories and music

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Anybody that knows me soon realises how much I truly love my music. Music can transport us back to times in our lives full of fond memories and dreams. Today I have just re-watched one of my top five films ‘Meet Joe Black’ and of course the score to this film written by the amazing Thomas Newman who always brings such depth of emotions to any film.

‘A whisper of a thrill’ played through is sheer magic and reminds me of a very special man that came into my life. I was watching this film one day and he rang me…he teased me for ages after as I said I was thinking of him..but watching Brad Pitt.  He sometimes reads my blog and if by chance he is today (hello B). Yes, I do look forward not back but a much better mentor told me ‘memories live longer than dreams’ we made ours. Every girl should be loved like that at least once in a life time!

The closing music to those that know this film is of course a beautiful version of ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ same version was played at a recent funeral I attended. I am reminding myself of my good advice it is good to cry sometimes to release emotions.

Anyone that has lost their father will resonate with this great film. I always cry when Anthony Hopkins dances with his daughter…never had that opportunity to dance with my own father. My book currently with my publishers ‘Dancing in my dreams’ reflects how I have dreamed I have.

For those that still have their dads love them whilst you can, that’s the order of the day.

 

 

Freud…in the end I succeeded

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Getting ready for my next course, but watching the best documentaries on BBC4. Last night’s  Freud ‘Genius of the modern world‘ was thought provoking to say the least.

As the narrator revealed he was so often criticized as being unscientific! I became interested…no fascinated in this great man’s works many years ago when researching dream time. I will be re-reading ‘The Interpretation of dreams‘ again this summer.

How tragic it was that this brilliant man’s books were burned in the streets of Vienna during the second world war.

He was ahead of his time and definitely left us challenging the way we think and led the way for counselling…not to be a hostage to our past but become true masters of our own minds (as quoted within the program).

It ended with his own words:

‘In the end I succeeded but the struggle is not yet over’

 

Happiness…being a cat

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People measure happiness in all kinds of ways and it may seem that some people are not happy unless they are complaining…we all know people like that! My amazing mother and mentor would label such people as ‘having a flea in their ear’!

Happiness comes from within, yes another person can enrich our life but expecting the whole of our life’s happiness to lay in the hands of our partner, children or best friend is unrealistic and suffocating.

Life is undoubtedly what we make it and with such a little effort we can find that happiness we crave and maybe enrich the lives of others too.

I discussed this recently with somebody who realises they are negative and no doubt finds a positive person like me very irritating. We have to want to effect change and it isn’t about changing our character but adopting a more positive attitude that will not only make us happier but make life easier for those around us.

I see this a typical relationship between my two cats, my tom is as daft as a brush but oh so loving whereas my little lady cat is far more intelligent and finds his energetic antics very annoying and he is often met with a hiss and a paw swipe around his ear.

But in life we cannot really go around hissing at people who are demanding of our time, sanity and patience..if we are honest we know they are unhappy or they wouldn’t come out scratching. Really they need stroking but withdraw away and if we corner them emotionally the fur will only fly.

I am very fortunate as I have a great circle of positive close friends (cool cats) .When we go out together we inspire each other and have fun alongside being able to share the struggles we may be having too. We all come away purring and my breakfast buddy today gives so much to everyone…a purrfect feline

As usual I prove my point and of course Freud’s ‘the talking cure’ gets us on the road to happiness. To the old tom cat reading my blog today…yes we come from the same litter in another life. Brother from another mother!

If you like the catty style of my blog today please read ‘Keep Scratching’ (by Evelyn King); my Kindle anthology of cat poems is available from Amazon.

Mindfulness

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Adopting the theory of mindfulness within CBT as believed and practiced by Buddhists is about learning to live positively in the moment. Making every day count and not living by dwelling on past negative experiences and/or living in fear of what terrible fate awaits one in the future but focusing on the here and now. Half of our deep seated worries will never come to fruition and the other half ….do not actually exist!

One can be aware of something without the necessity of allowing it to become all consuming, but opt to moving on to the next thought process to dilute its importance.  Standing back, reflecting, accepting and thinking ‘In the scheme of things’ one could soon realise the concerned thought is in fact trivia and not worthy of the time and mind space or level of anxiety.

A modern day professor of philosophy Morrie Schwartz was a great advocate of this within his teachings. The script from the film ‘Tuesday’s with Morrie’ dramatizing his final months of his life provides excellent material for anybody studying the subject of counselling/theology. Morrie said: ‘You cannot spare somebody’s feelings by denying them, but forgive now –that’s the tension of opposites –we learn from what hurts us as much as what loves us.’ 

He spoke of being mindful: ‘The Buddhists believe that one should speak to the little imaginary bird sitting on one’s shoulder and ask everyday ‘Am I leading the life I want to live?’ Which I believe to be an excellent way of putting on the breaks and reminding us that life is short and each day should be treasured and enjoyed for what it brings as part of life’s rich tapestry.

Live a day at a time and live it well.

Negative thought processes

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So another bright celebrity decides to talk about what causes cancer! Not medically trained mind. Spouting that negative thoughts cause cancer is unbelievable. My wonderful mother and many people I know that are always positive have had and/or died from cancer.

Anybody trained in any holistic therapies will know that negative thought process can be altered through sessions of CBT or NLP. We don’t claim to be able to cure cancer though!

I also know a lot of depressive and negative people who are never ill though are always complaining they are -so I think this just proves what a stupid unfounded statement this was to make.

Indeed many people I know who had cancer and in recovery were positive before and even more so afterwards. Yes, we all know that being negative is not terrible helpful to our well-being which can in turn affect our health and state of mind but let’s not be hoodwinked by nonsense.

Stay positive, be kind to others and be mindful whatever your problems are this will help but anybody with an ounce of reasonable intelligence will not believe that if we are feeling down ‘we will go down with cancer!’ we may ‘go down with a cold’ but!!

 

 

 

Friendships

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I hope I never take my close friends for granted and I try to be grateful on a regular basis. It is no secret that appreciating what we have in terms of valued friendships is what real worth is about.

Nothing better than having a brunch with a study buddy who ‘gets you’ and is as passionate about your ambitions and achievements as you are…that’s true friendship.

What a fab start to the week not one but two sessions with like-minded people. Salad dinner out with another over-achiever who understands the desire to continually self develop and learn more.

Life is good if you allow it to be and invest in your own life and your friendships.

The mind, as I often say is a brilliant piece of kit if we just take time to learn how it works and what it can do!

Thank God for fellow mature students!

Kids parties solved

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Over the years I have organised and been to many kids parties and for parents the entertainer can make or break the best day in your child’s calendar.

Today I was at a party for around thirty plus age four and under children. The entertainer was DJ Mike. He was brilliant and I would have no hesitation in recommending him. He had the children under control, involved and having fun from the word go.

A disco for tiny tots may seem a bit chaotic to some but this young entertainer had everything pitched just right in terms of a variety of activities which held their attention (not easy with tiny ones).

At one stage he came out with a box of great dressing up accessories; brightly coloured wigs and imaginative hats, inflatable guitars and funny sunglasses. This encouraged both boys and girls to dress up and join in and gave an excellent photo opportunity for parents.

Whilst observing DJ Mike it was obvious to me that he enjoyed what he does and was great at encouraging reluctant children to participate but without applying pressure -this guy understands children! On speaking to him at the end of the session to congratulate him on his services he revealed he had previously worked at Disney and it showed.

This children’s entertainer went to a great deal of effort to ensure the children really did have a fabulous if not magical time.

 I loved the bubble machine during the disco a simple idea but very nice touch.

Check out his website: http://www.discofactoryuk.com

Be still

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My amazing mentor mother often used to use the phrase ‘be still’ as a child I thought that just meant be quiet but as I grew older and wiser I realised it meant far more.

Sundays I love to watch and listen to ‘The Big Question’ instead of going to church and listening to one religion I listen to the debates of all religions and beliefs to learn more!

Too many great names of respected intellects and religious leaders to name, but the Hindu representative spoke of ‘Be still’ and ‘the chattering of minds’.

Many great comments made today including ‘we cannot have divinity if we have violence’.

Discussion often on how all religions are to some degree about control  of an empire and often based around fear and that is true whatever your religion may be.

One of the contributors wisely pointed out we shouldn’t separate the body from the soul.

Forgiveness and love should be present in all our lives and I definitely agreed with the point made by one participant ‘don’t let other people’s damage ..damage you’

I think the main thing is not to think of one’s self as a good Christian, Muslim, Jew or Hindu but as a good person respectful and considerate of others.

My mentor was right to bring us up to be eclectic in our approach to life and forgiving of others.

By the way the subject of the programme today was:-

Did man create god?  I think in many ways this was answered as a yes but as ever science and religion were running alongside questioning who is right and who can prove either way.

Advancement in science is certainly filling in some of the gaps as we go along and maybe leaving us with bigger questions to ask. Of course we will all know the answers in the next life…in this one we are all too busy still making mistakes.

Freedom of speech or bullying?

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As a writer I love to have  rant and believe in freedom of speech and democracy. However, where modern media is concerned the lines seem to have become sadly blurred and many people now feel it is acceptable to cyber bully others publicly.

Those that follow my blog know that I support the anti bullying charities in their efforts to help the victims of such unkind and unnecessary bullying who are often young and vulnerable children.

In previous blogs and articles I have raised the question why do these perpetrators not stand back and think before posting? In no time they have started something that others quickly ‘like’ and which adds further pressure and pain to the victims?

As a spokesperson for a support charity recently reminded a Horizon audience;

‘Bullying is now 24/7’  Making escape from it much harder, it doesn’t end when children leave the school premises.

To anybody out there being bullied in this way, make sure you tell somebody (especially your school) and get support asap.

Remember the bullying says far more about the bullies than it does about you. Bullies often go on to suffer with depression in later life when they finally grow up and reflect back.

If I get bullied by this posting I am ignoring it – so please don’t bother.

 

Don’t worry

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For those of you worrying today a few statistics taken from one of my articles:-

40% Will never ever happen

30% Related to past events

12% Health issues which are unfounded

10% Tiny things too petty to even give mind space to

4% Matters which are really out of our control (somebody else’s)

Those of you reaching for your calculator…I make that a grand total of 96%

So let’s identify that remaining 4%!! Or have I covered it above?

Time for a cup of tea and a chocolate digestive (plain chocolate of course much healthier)

Now plan exciting things to do with your time instead of worrying unnecessarily.

 

Don’t worry be happy.