With the enforced situation so many people will find themselves with time on their hands and there really is only so much TV you can watch without feeling that perhaps you are wasting valuable time.

In my own situation where I cannot visit my elderly clients, although I am keeping in regular telephone contact and supporting as best I can two courses which I would have taken far longer to complete I can now devote more time to. This is part on my business on-going training and continued professional development both of which will no doubt enhance my skills and benefit my clients when I can finally get back to the front line of Dementia support.

I am sure I am not alone in recognising the benefit of being a mature student.  I hope that during this time, when many will reflect, that perhaps that skill they’ve always wanted to master can be achieved.  I am certain a lot of people will be re-thinking priorities, even a career change and distance learning is a great way to achieve this.

I am a great advocate for distance learning which can fit around the busiest of normal schedules. Over the past five years I have added several new qualifications to my CV and the interesting part being that during some sessions with clients I have been able to dip into all of them.

We are never too old to learn a new skill and it’s great to do something ‘just for you’. Additionally, reading and studying can be a great positive distraction from what is going on rather than continue to watch worrying and sometimes incorrect rolling news.

I sincerely hope those people that somehow have not been listening to the news with regard to the huge number of fatalities of Corona Virus, and, feel that the ‘stay at home’ or ‘keep your distance’ recommendations do not apply to them are going to wake up sooner rather than later.

In the past two days I have learned of a number of deaths of relatives of people I know and also have friends with family members struggling to work within the NHS. Please take the advice seriously it will affect you, your family and friends at some stage.

As a neighbour stated the other day it’s not as though the younger generation have been given a gun and sent into battle as our grandfather/parents did. They are just being asked to stay at home and be sensible and responsible when they do go out.

I loved the whole of our Queen’s speech but one sentence, for me, said it all:-

‘quiet good humoured resolve…’

With the various forms of modern media nobody is in complete isolation or unable to keep in touch with friends and family. Stay home, your selfish actions will harm others and maybe yourself…get with it!

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We all may have taken for granted the simple pleasures in life and now circumstances have changed that suddenly we can no longer hug friends or family… that we may see from a distance. No less than three people have told me today how they miss hugging their loved ones.

In our house we have ‘huggles‘ which was one of my word mix ups which is basically a cross between a hug and a cuddle, and, I am fortunate that I have my daughter sharing my isolation so we can still hug.

I am aware that it is not just us women that like to hug lots of men do too, though some would never admit it. Speaking this week to several recently bereaved people there was one common denominator in that they were all unable to receive a hug and/or give one to support a family member going through bereavement.

One of my lovely neighbours (we always hug) and I agreed we were saving up a really big hug, whilst another I had offered a spiritual hug wished me one back over the fence.

I know I am really lucky that I have great friends and a lovely family and live in a village where people actually care and help one another. As I said to another friend today –‘If we pull together and stay positive we will get the other side bigger and stronger.’ I truly believe this to be the case, though this mantra may be hard to apply all day every day but we can at least try.

Maybe now is the time to start visualisation tactics and imagine that hug…I’m sending out a huge one to all those that need it….get ready here it comes.

…….Aww that feels so much better.

So sadly we have lost another great man of soul. Bill Withers died yesterday and his songs were part of our lives and will continue to be so. His well-known numbers were covered by so many artists too.

‘Lean on me‘ such a poignant song with lyrics never truer than at times like now. I am mindful that so many people will be struggling, and many, either alone or perhaps in silence. We must find somebody to ‘lean on’ as Freud famously stated the talking cure:-

‘The purpose to change hysterical misery into ordinary human unhappiness’.

So as ever I will say give your partner/friend/children that platform opportunity to talk and of course make use of any help lines available dependent on your particular ‘unhappiness’.

We must spare a thought (and for those who pray ) and prayer for the elderly that live alone and for young people, perhaps teenagers already struggling with emotional issues.

For children whose lives and routines have been drastically changed it can be very frightening and as parents we have to do our best to balance the importance of isolation without allowing them to be consumed and become frightened.

Reading can be a great escapism into another world, one that is more fun and we could all do a lot worse than pick up a favourite book and read it again.  David Walliams of course would be a great distraction…but I must return to my coursework.

Our star neighbour came up trumps yesterday by leaving a box of children’s favourite sweeties on our doorstep. I felt eight again and the aroma as I lifted the box  lid was an instant trip down memory lane.

I often talk about how the senses unlock memories which can bring such joy when they do. I use these triggers when working with my lovely dementia clients which opens up pleasant discussions as they recall happy times in their life and/or their childhood.

Of course it’s not just our sense of smell, it’s all the senses including touch. Only this morning I wrapped a towel around me which had been next to the radiator and the immediate feeling of softness and warmth transposed me back to how my own mother would get warm towels out of the airing cupboard which housed our water tank. There was always something comforting in a warm towel and of course a parent’s embrace as they helped you dry yourself.

Such simple pleasures yet beautiful memories. Times like we find ourselves in now the little gestures of kindness and savouring our own simple pleasures help the day to feel special in it’s own way.

I am reminded by how my own mother talked about the way people treated each other in the second world war. She said ‘nothing could beat the comrade of those times’…in a small way maybe some of us will witness this and make the effort to extend acts of kindness to brighten the lives of others.

In these unprecedented times we will or should I say should reflect on those we may have taken for granted. Of course we now realise that the recreational pleasures we have all enjoyed and definitely taken for granted will include perhaps our our favourite ‘water hole’ or the cafe where we meet friends for brunch.

It is of course worrying to see large franchises going into administration and just the other night my daughter and I discussed the various favourite places she loves to eat with her Dad….Nando’s and Wagamama’s  ( other chains are available…or they were before this ‘eating in’ phase).

As I write my blog I think of one of my own favourite local Greek venues (Anastasia’s) a favourite for some twenty plus years. A St Albans family run business where I have held so many business lunches, charity events and family celebrations. Whenever our family want to celebrate it is without question this is where it will be.

I have not been for a while and only recently were suggesting to friends let’s organise a night out -so yes I am guilty I had taken them for granted.  I made a point of contacting the owner this week to wish him and the family well and assuring him that as soon as this is over I would be visiting with friends and family. We are all in this together.

The local pubs in our village are the hub of the community aside of great food and specialist ales it’s where we meet friends regularly and have held our charity quiz nights for years (Thanks Colin and Debs at The Cricks). The past few months my dementia hub has been held, at times, at The Hollybush (Thanks Gordon) when our normal venue has not been available a crucial support group to carers.

In our village of Redbourn a newer venue had been ‘The Enchanted tea rooms’ a place where I meet some of my elderly clients for coffee or breakfast and a welcoming addition. It’s also been a great place to meet business colleagues rather than drive to town, park etc. Sincerely hope that as soon as they re-open they will get local support again. Alexandra – I will be in for the best hot chocolate in Hertfordshire!

It is not until these facilities are withdrawn that maybe we realise they are not just commercial venues they are part of the fabric of society and extended family for many.

A lot of my fellow holistic professionals and spiritual friends and family are discussing how this whole situation will encourage others to be kinder and for those who hadn’t yet realised ‘people are important not material things’ it’s been a wake up call.

My blog this morning has to be in dedication to the amazing and humbling staff at the Sheffield nursing home who made a decision to self isolate with their residents.

Some of my clients, friends and family members have dementia and are either living full time in a nursing home or had no choice but to go into a home as daytime carers could no longer visit at home.

This act of kindness and professionalism beyond their job description and choosing their residents’ well being above going home to their own families will be long remembered.

We so often hear the bad side of nursing homes, and indeed, I have witnessed low quality care myself when visiting. However, this group of dedicated carers have shown the compassion that we should all be demonstrating to our fellow man.

I salute this team and hope their sensible approach to ‘staying in’ as advised encourages others to stop and think.

Stay home.

I was very pleased when talking to my niece with a 3 and 8 year old that she was taking full advantage of the school online tutoring and the exercise for kids with Joe Wicks -who by the way has been doing so much for everyone in terms of keeping fit.  I remember when my own daughter was small and we had bereavements in the family our amazing childminder advised to keep as much routine going as possible and that is brilliant advice whatever the challenge of change may be.

Being cooped up with healthy and active children can be very stressful especially if you are not used to it. Today’s children are mostly really lucky that they have a full activity list at weekends and after school clubs etc.,  I remember fondly my time spent with my own daughter with the huge ‘make it’ corner in the kitchen with a whole host of crafty activities.  Mustn’t forget the box of musical instruments that would be brought out at regular intervals as we danced and played with her friends to Disney songs.

Nowadays, there are so many electronic ‘baby sitting services’ which I guess are a godsend for parents though we say time on screen must be limited.  We have recently been entertaining our cat with telephone games for cats which he loves -except now if we leave a phone on the floor he sits by it then looks at us pleadingly to put it on for him.

I hope most families will cherish this extra time with loved ones as little ones grow so fast and so much is missed by us working parents.  This goes for pets too a lot of home alone dogs and cats must be enjoying the extra fuss and attention but please don’t overfeed them – that’s the pets…actually kids too.

Play nicely everyone.

Losing a loved one is a very difficult time and in the current situation it would be much harder for the family members. I always remind people that it’s after the funeral the widow, widower or family member need us most.

Those recently bereaved and all those in the coming months will have the sad challenge of not being able to give their loved one the funeral they would have wanted where extended family and friends can meet and pay their respects. The funeral is often the opportunity for people to feel comfortable expressing and releasing their grief and without that opportunity it will make the bereavement process tougher.

I repeat my requests of the past few days, that it is really important that we make the effort to telephone those in need, especially those who may be living alone. I know of two lovely ladies both recently widowed and my heart goes out to them, and, it’s never been more vital that they know others are genuinely thinking of them. The added sadness of not being able to go out and slowly get their lives to resemble some form of normality is going to be delayed. In particular this is really hard for those wives and husbands who may have been their partner’s carer, and, some for many years.

For those going through bereavement remember your loved one would want you to do the things you enjoy and go on living a full life and let’s hope that will be possible as soon as it’s safe to do so.

Don’t forget there are many bereavement charities with help lines so please don’t hesitate to ring when you feel the need it will really help. For those with faith don’t forget your local minister will be supportive, albeit, at the moment, by phone.

Please look after your pets…I know most of you do but just be that little bit more careful as vet practices and of course the emergency out of hours vets are there as always but we need to keep the volume of emergencies down. If your pet is injured or sick please ring the vets first and they will tell you the safety procedures that are in force to protect you and the veterinary staff.

Please only take your pet advice in relation to Corona Virus from respected sources, like the British Veterinary Association and DO NOT BELIEVE MISINFORMATION. I see from latest GOV info that they are cracking down on the spread of false information online,but meanwhile be sensible.

There is no evidence that pets can get sick from COVID19.

Useful website http://www.cfsg.org.uk/coronavirus

Our pets are our family too so when out walking keep that safe distance rule for them too.

All charities are going to be affected by this challenging time but remember the animal charities.

I suspect a lot of home alone pets are thrilled that their owners are home more and, of course, stroking a pet, helps lowers blood pressure!